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I don't quite know where to start, but I know that I am desperate and need to reach out to anyone who will listen.

Last night my mum’s life flashed before my eyes, as her heart rate went up to the unimaginable, she cried out in pain with 6 bone fractures and inability to swallow even water for days I heard her cry out like we’d never heard her before. I called an ambulance before her body gave in to the pain and dehydration her malnourished body was having to suffer after her rapid decline and very little help. As my little brother and I both propped her up, she couldn’t hold her body up herself we were worried that we couldn’t do anything to help we were flooded with distress. I am devastated but determined to make her as comfortable as possible and that starts with community, friends and support.

THE STORY:

Those of you who know Andrea will know she is an extremely kind, caring, funny and positive person you’ll also probably have awareness of her cancer journey, she worked for over 20 years as a general nurse then over 5 years as a psychotherapist and counsellor helping so many people at their lowest points in life. Me, my mum and little brother have always been the best of friends and are extremely close as we are all we have, so this news saddens us deeply. 

My beautiful mum was diagnosed with Cancer for the very first time in 2006 when I was just 7 years old. She had to battle it and work at the same time, such a hard thing for a single mum with two young kids, she was then diagnosed again in 2015 with Breast Cancer Stage 2 a very difficult time for us all, I remember the difficulty, going through my GCSE's. Financially this time was challenging for us as my mum has always worked so hard to provide for my brother and I, without any financial support from fathers. When she was diagnosed, the ops and treatment on top of the emotional pain made it so she really struggled to work, but had no other choice. The financial strain was one of the most stressful elements of her illness, and this really shouldn't be the case when you're facing a life threatening illness.

We had to access food banks to eat and didn't get to enjoy pleasurable things that normal families do, instead I remember having to spend my wages from my part time job on food for our family. This was an embarrassing time for my mum as a mother works all her life to provide for her family but Cancer takes this right away.

My mum has always been a big believer in spiritual, holistic and alternative therapies, so she chose not to take the Chemotherapy which the doctors strongly advised claiming she wouldn't live more than a few years if it was not taken. She braved this and stayed true to her beliefs and has been using medical cannabis and holistic therapies ever since prolonging her life. Only recently last year she had to stop work as a therapist that she completed her degree whilst fighting the cancer, she has been the first point of contact for many suicidal, going through divorce or depression, for years and she has always put others before herself.

My mums younger sister passed away from Cancer in November 2019, my mum received her devastating results just 2 weeks after, that her cancer had metastasised to her lungs and bones (spinal cord). In November 2018 mums investigations (biopsy) showed cancerous cell changes in the lungs and that the canceous cells from the Breast Cancer had spread and there is now cancer in the sternum (breast bone) and lower spine.

She was given around 6 months to live and here we are 2024 she’s still going! I am so proud of her but deeply saddened by what she’s had to endure and suffer in the past couple of years nothing can describe the pain of watching your mum slip away to a disease like this one. As she has chose to treat herself (be her own nurse) and keep her quality of life as good as possible for what’s left of it, she’s ended up house bound, in agony, with 6 fractures to her spine and bone tumours all over her, making it impossible for her to sit comfortably in the past 6 months.

When we were told on 4th Jan 2019 that mums now has secondary breast cancer which is metastatic and in the lungs and bones at stage 4 and if treatment is taken then life expectancy is on average 2 years but 5 years at maximum, life was pretty hard from here. The thought of loosing our only parent and being orphans at 23 and 25 is a very real nightmare right now, as we approach the 5 year mark. It’s hard to believe.

The doctors spent hours emphasising the severity and aggressive state of mums cancer, and how essential treatment is, and fast. At this point in desperation she agreed to take some chemotherapy and radiotherapy back then but she is now suffering the effects from these harsh treatments such as: inability to swallow or hold down food at all in the last few weeks, constantly producing endless mucus which she can’t stop throwing up and broken bones.

UPDATE:

This has lead my mum to result in huge weight loss, and in the last two weeks she has lost 2 stone. She is now just 6 stone with nothing left to loose. I am heartbroken to see her like this, but she was so scared we left it until the very last minute, we realised she wasn’t holding food or water for nearly a week, her heart rate was so high it was working so hard, an ambulance arrived and took my mum to get help, she was crying out in agony she asked me to hold her body up and give it some support whilst we waited hours for pain relief with the pain from the 6 fractures and no pain relief unable to swallow a tablet, we waited and waited and finally she received some painkiller and antisickness last night. She was then admitted and given a bed I stayed at her bedside until the early hours but now I have to go back to work, she is on IV fluids to correct her server dehydration and sent for X RAY & CT scan today to explain her inability to swallow food without chocking or being sick. My mums life flashed before my eyes last night, and it is truly horrific to see what cancer can do to you and your world. She doesn’t deserve this constant pain, I have realised she needs me more than EVER, she needs my love, my strength and my physical support which I just can’t offer in my own circumstance, my younger brother has been trying to juggle house work, physical care needs and work. I want to be able to offer help and care for her, but I work in a school for an agency so if I’m not in I don’t get paid. My mum has asked me to get her some clothes that are comfortable in hospital and fit as nothing does, but I can’t even afford it!!!! I am desperate, any help at all would be greatly appreciated.

Being a single mum she has no one else, I have to step in and help. She is and has been suffering with symptoms daily such as breathlessness, dizziness, bruising, stinging, arthalgia, myaliga, insomnia, jaw pain, increased risk of serious infection, lethargy, sore mouth, nausea and vomiting, burning of the sternum heartburn and serious respiratory problems.

I've decided to set up this page, without my mum knowing to help alleviate some of the stress and issues we are facing. I want to be able to care for my mum without having to go back to a different city and leave her and my poor younger brother on their own.

The generous donations will be spent on things like emergency bath aids, as she cannot wash at all, she has no flesh to sit on and no strength to stand up, I need to buy her a bath seat, a toilet aid, an wheelchair and walking aid as believe it or not she has asked and the NHS can’t provide, she NEEDS these to prolong her life and potentially cope with being on her own in times when me and my brother have no choice but to work. I also hope funds raised will enable my mum not to worry about her bills whilst trying to focus on saving her life in hospital. I am also looking for some help with house work if anyone knows how I can best arrange this, as she’s becoming increasingly bed bound.

I am crying out for help at this point, I have had to accept that cancer is evil and might take my last parent from us in our 20’s but I refuse to accept that it will take her dignity and I want to make her as happy and comfortable as I can, whilst I can.

please help us, love Grace and Tom x