Help Jo-Anne and her children rebuild after loss
Donation protected
When life throws you too many curveballs, you need friends to step in and help out.
Sometimes, when we are comfortable, we forget how quickly life can fall apart. One of my friends has recently experienced her life unravelling, and she really needs some help.
My friend Jo-Anne is one of the most friendly and outgoing people you will ever meet. She has a kind of infectious enthusiasm for everything. I met her 5 or 6 years ago when her two wonderful kids participated in my summer sewing camp. She was so excited by what we were doing, I asked if she’d like to join in. She did, the lone adult camper in the group, with an energy that affected all of us – she’s a joy to be around.
Sometimes people who appear upbeat all the time have trouble showing it when they’re down. They don’t want to appear needy; they don’t want to burden anyone with their troubles. This is very true of Jo-Anne. She was taught to keep her problems to herself, and to give but never take.
Jo-Anne worked at the University of Toronto as an Undergraduate Assistant and TA Administrator – she was there for ten years, working her way up from Temporary Clerk. She loved her job and worked hard. Then at the end of 2019 she lost her job in a reorganization of her department, with no severance package. A few months later, COVID hit. She remained positive, and kept looking for work. But then she was dealt another serious blow – her ex-husband, the father of her two children, was diagnosed with a large tumor, and died.
Jo-Anne is currently helping her two teenagers deal with the trauma of their father’s sudden death, while worrying about how she’s going to put food on the table. The reality of being a truly single parent, with no family supports, is hitting her hard. They live very modestly in a very small one bedroom apartment in the East York area, without cable or wifi, to save money.
She wrote to me: “Gone are the days when the kids would spend time with their father and I could get by with less - eating less, doing less, using the money saved to supply my pantry. Thank God I invested in a small freezer and a pantry cupboard years ago. I stock up on dry and canned foods, buying things to freeze. It has been serving me in good stead but it is being depleted and I just can't replenish my food supplies like before. I am still unemployed and am looking for work and am hoping that I can find something seasonal to keep us going and to put some joy in the holidays (their father’s birthday is Christmas Eve). My kids love Christmas and I would like to make it cosy so they feel safe and secure. I want to be able to show them there is still hope and joy in the midst of sorrow.”
This isn’t right. I know Jo-Anne is not the only person suffering right now, but she’s my friend and I want to help her, so I’m reaching out to you. She’s a very hard-working person who would be an asset to any employer, but her job search stretches on. She’s determined, but worried. She needs to know that other people will help her as she’s helped so many people over the years. As well as helping her feed herself and her kids, I think it will give her hope knowing that other people care.
Here’s more from Jo-Anne: “Life is just overwhelming, and I don't know how we’re going to survive. I carried most of the expenses for our lives when I was working. T helped nominally. But now not having employment and not having him here means I carry everything. And I don't know how to do that. I live frugally. I live in an older apartment - we have been her for 15 years - this gives me a rent unheard of for Toronto. I pay no hydro/electricity. I don't get cable. We are small on space but this place has allowed me to give the kids a lifestyle where they feel secure. But no job means finances are a burden. S wants to go back to skating and I feel remiss not providing this, as she needs something to give her joy. Their dad drove them around. So now there are transportation costs. I have to look for wifi so they can actually do school work. N has had a growth spurt. He needs a new coat and jacket and we all need winter boots. I can probably eke out another year with mine, but N maybe a month. S is eating me out of house and home. I have a freezer. Thank goodness I buy everything on sale and keep things in my pantry and freezer so I can be frugal. But she eats everything even more so now because her father is gone. I have applied for seasonal work and I hope for employment that way. I worked at my job for 10 years and walked away with only my vacation pay (and thank God I didn't take vacations). I work hard. I can go without - but my kids? What do I do? We all are emotional messes and I worry that I am marking the kids for unhappiness in adulthood.”
I have experienced the stress of not knowing where groceries are coming from (thankfully just temporarily), and it is a terrible, sickening feeling. You feel shame, even if the situation is not your fault. It’s so hard to ask for help, especially if you are accustomed to being the person who supports everyone else, as Jo-Anne is. But life happens, and I’ve told Jo-Anne that no matter how awful it feels to ask for help, it’s what she needs to do.
If you are able to contribute anything to help Jo-Anne get through this very difficult time, please do! I know she will recover; she’s smart and will find her feet again. But this is a very scary, lonely time for her and the pandemic is making everything harder.
If you know an employer who is looking for a super-organized, outgoing person to join their team, please help connect them to Jo-Anne. She wants work, not handouts. But I know that some short-term support will help her feel loved and supported to help her get through her despair.
Sometimes, when we are comfortable, we forget how quickly life can fall apart. One of my friends has recently experienced her life unravelling, and she really needs some help.
My friend Jo-Anne is one of the most friendly and outgoing people you will ever meet. She has a kind of infectious enthusiasm for everything. I met her 5 or 6 years ago when her two wonderful kids participated in my summer sewing camp. She was so excited by what we were doing, I asked if she’d like to join in. She did, the lone adult camper in the group, with an energy that affected all of us – she’s a joy to be around.
Sometimes people who appear upbeat all the time have trouble showing it when they’re down. They don’t want to appear needy; they don’t want to burden anyone with their troubles. This is very true of Jo-Anne. She was taught to keep her problems to herself, and to give but never take.
Jo-Anne worked at the University of Toronto as an Undergraduate Assistant and TA Administrator – she was there for ten years, working her way up from Temporary Clerk. She loved her job and worked hard. Then at the end of 2019 she lost her job in a reorganization of her department, with no severance package. A few months later, COVID hit. She remained positive, and kept looking for work. But then she was dealt another serious blow – her ex-husband, the father of her two children, was diagnosed with a large tumor, and died.
Jo-Anne is currently helping her two teenagers deal with the trauma of their father’s sudden death, while worrying about how she’s going to put food on the table. The reality of being a truly single parent, with no family supports, is hitting her hard. They live very modestly in a very small one bedroom apartment in the East York area, without cable or wifi, to save money.
She wrote to me: “Gone are the days when the kids would spend time with their father and I could get by with less - eating less, doing less, using the money saved to supply my pantry. Thank God I invested in a small freezer and a pantry cupboard years ago. I stock up on dry and canned foods, buying things to freeze. It has been serving me in good stead but it is being depleted and I just can't replenish my food supplies like before. I am still unemployed and am looking for work and am hoping that I can find something seasonal to keep us going and to put some joy in the holidays (their father’s birthday is Christmas Eve). My kids love Christmas and I would like to make it cosy so they feel safe and secure. I want to be able to show them there is still hope and joy in the midst of sorrow.”
This isn’t right. I know Jo-Anne is not the only person suffering right now, but she’s my friend and I want to help her, so I’m reaching out to you. She’s a very hard-working person who would be an asset to any employer, but her job search stretches on. She’s determined, but worried. She needs to know that other people will help her as she’s helped so many people over the years. As well as helping her feed herself and her kids, I think it will give her hope knowing that other people care.
Here’s more from Jo-Anne: “Life is just overwhelming, and I don't know how we’re going to survive. I carried most of the expenses for our lives when I was working. T helped nominally. But now not having employment and not having him here means I carry everything. And I don't know how to do that. I live frugally. I live in an older apartment - we have been her for 15 years - this gives me a rent unheard of for Toronto. I pay no hydro/electricity. I don't get cable. We are small on space but this place has allowed me to give the kids a lifestyle where they feel secure. But no job means finances are a burden. S wants to go back to skating and I feel remiss not providing this, as she needs something to give her joy. Their dad drove them around. So now there are transportation costs. I have to look for wifi so they can actually do school work. N has had a growth spurt. He needs a new coat and jacket and we all need winter boots. I can probably eke out another year with mine, but N maybe a month. S is eating me out of house and home. I have a freezer. Thank goodness I buy everything on sale and keep things in my pantry and freezer so I can be frugal. But she eats everything even more so now because her father is gone. I have applied for seasonal work and I hope for employment that way. I worked at my job for 10 years and walked away with only my vacation pay (and thank God I didn't take vacations). I work hard. I can go without - but my kids? What do I do? We all are emotional messes and I worry that I am marking the kids for unhappiness in adulthood.”
I have experienced the stress of not knowing where groceries are coming from (thankfully just temporarily), and it is a terrible, sickening feeling. You feel shame, even if the situation is not your fault. It’s so hard to ask for help, especially if you are accustomed to being the person who supports everyone else, as Jo-Anne is. But life happens, and I’ve told Jo-Anne that no matter how awful it feels to ask for help, it’s what she needs to do.
If you are able to contribute anything to help Jo-Anne get through this very difficult time, please do! I know she will recover; she’s smart and will find her feet again. But this is a very scary, lonely time for her and the pandemic is making everything harder.
If you know an employer who is looking for a super-organized, outgoing person to join their team, please help connect them to Jo-Anne. She wants work, not handouts. But I know that some short-term support will help her feel loved and supported to help her get through her despair.
Organizer and beneficiary
Devorah Miller
Organizer
East York, ON
Jo-Anne Wilson
Beneficiary