Hire a hitman to kill Cancer

Hey there, my name is Anthony. I'm a husband, father, ARMY Veteran, artist, real estate agent, property manager and a decent fellow.  So when testicular cancer came knocking at my door one day, I was legitimately concerned that somehow I pissed off somebody. Cancer came right in and made himself at home and I have to live with him.

However, I've made up my mind that he is a horrible, inconsiderate roommate and he keeps me up at nights worrying all the time, so I'm going to hire a hitman to take him out.  I'm in the middle of big things in my life, especially the upcoming debut of my first independent comic book and I'm not letting cancer get in my way.

Don't worry. The hitman masquerades as a professional Urology Doctor and only takes on these sort of cases once in a while.  They have a pretty good record of making these problems 'disappear', if you know what I mean.

Seeing as how this comes at a most unfortunate time of the year, I'll be using your donations to pay my medical bills. The financial burden you'd be lifting would  enable me to continue taking care of my family and take loads of stress off my shoulders.  This is my first time using gofundme.com and I am amazed at the generosity of folks out there.  

For those of you that would be willing to help me out, thank you.  My 'balls' are in your court.