World's Weirdest Vending Machine
All men dream. some men's dreams are just dumber and weirder than others. Growing up, I looked to people like William Burroughs, John Lily, Charles Fort, Loren Coleman, Genesis P. Orridge, Joe Cole, Bruce Nauman, and a host of other UFO contactees, cult leaders, monster hunters, adventurers, psychonauts, magicians, artists and con men to understand what true wonder and beauty looked like. They taught me the most valuable lesson I have ever learned- in order to save the world, it is incumbent upon us to make it make less sense. Bewildering people is a sacred responsibility.
We're all familiar with vending machines. They're boring as shit. They give us stale chips and overpriced soda. But what if you came across a vending machine like no other- a vending machine that sold real rat skeletons? voodoo dolls? Magickal amulets? Books and small paintings created by local kooks? Incense? Sculptures? Zines? Would you perhaps pause and consider "The world is a weird place, and someone did this on purpose. I am compelled to buy something bizarre from this machine, and also, I no longer believe in consensus reality." If so, then my small business will have become an enormous success.
All monies raised (if any) will be used to purchase a vending machine (perhaps two) and to pay local artists and freaks to produce works of art to put inside the vending machine. I will also be purchasing a host of oddities to vend, which will rotate on a regular basis. The World's Weirdest Vending Machine will never have stale product. I will consistently source new, bizarre trinkets to vend at reasonable prices, and to make your life make substantially less sense. If you're trying to tell me that you wouldn't buy a sock puppet that looked like the Devil from a vending machine you're a goddamn liar.
Your support will mean the ability to make the world weirder, which is all that matters. Have you ever seen a person who owns a vending machine rolling around in a fucking Italian sports car? This venture is not about profit. This is about confusing, delighting, and possibly upsetting people. The world is a boring, grey, featureless place. It is our sacred duty to freak out the squares. Onward!
