Love and Support for Sue, Caregiver
Donation protected
My story....
I met my husband 30 years ago. He was my best friend and we went through so much together through the years. We were in the midst of paying off bills and he was trying to work towards possibly retiring in 5 years. That day never came.
He wasn’t feeling good starting in 2011 and after a false diagnosis and a year later, we heard the sad and dreaded words “you have colon cancer” on a bright sunny July afternoon. I remember it was a Monday at 1:00 pm. I can still hear those words like it was yesterday.
Within a week he was having surgery to remove the cancer. He was doing ok, but then he developed a fistula which was worse than the cancer. It resulted with a hole in his stomach and fluid draining out daily/nightly. The condition made everything SO much worse. He was in terrible pain, had many, many infections and very weak. We were regular visitors at the hospital radiology department where they had to shoot dye into his abdominal area weekly (again very painful)…this was aside from all the other doctors we went to. I was still trying to work outside the home but one day he feel on the kitchen floor so I quit my job to stay home with him. That’s all I did was cry in the bathroom at work anyway. I went to every single Dr. appt with him and it was always very sad. There was never, ever any good news. He became totally depressed as I did but I hid my sadness and tried to be upbeat for his sake. I would quietly cry when he went to bed.
Last spring I took my husband to the ER because he looked so, so weak. He was dehydrated and his platelets were super high. He was so sick. The fistula caused so many internal problems. We got a new surgeon and really liked him. Days after being admitted, he had his 2nd surgery. They said it was a very long and dangerous surgery. I was so scared. He came out ok. I was super relieved! The Dr. tried to fix the fistula that was caused from the 1st surgery. He said that he did, but the cancer was back and was all over his peritoneal cavity. My husband was hospitalized for 8 weeks. I stayed with his constantly and had to have multiple meetings with the staff as I felt they were giving him way too many pain pills and anxiety meds. It resulted in me meeting with the pharmacist of the hospital and it got resolved. He finally got to come home and I stayed with him constantly and continually searched online for alternative therapies every night. It is SO cruel, so heartbreaking and absolutely torturous to watch the man you love so much suffer day after day and you feel so helpless. I really don’t know how to explain how horrible it was for him and me. Trying to be brave when you are so scared is so hard in itself.
My life was no longer my life and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. My only reward is that I know for certain I gave him the very best care I could and I would have done anything in the world for him. I even prayed to God to give me cancer and let him live. That didn’t happen – after years of tests, procedures, surgeries, medications, horrible pain, intense suffering, and depression he lost his life and and I lost my best friend, my husband. It was totally unexpected as I found him lying on the floor, not moving, or breathing. I frantically called 911, they arrived and could not do anything. I hardly remember that day, I just know my heart is broken into a million pieces and I’ll never forget how he looked when they carried him out on a stretcher. The memory is burned into my mind forever and it’s so, so sad.
I have tried to be strong, but I am so lonely… mentally and emotionally exhausted. . It is so difficult and I do not expect any non-caregiver who was not married for 28 years to understand what we went through for those years. I have no husband, nobody to grow old with and be by my side. He was the provider, I was a stay at home mom and just worked off and on, here and there through the years. I am not able to get widow benefits until I am 60.
I have had tons of out of pocket expenses, medical bills along with our own personal bills which have totaled thousands and thousands of dollars. I have had house repairs that were emergencies and I had no choice but to get them taken care of as things were let go for the years he was so sick. I have no retirement whatsoever. The money will be used to get my car repaired, paying my house payment which is totally behind, buying a new furnace, pay the IRS and more. I cannot sell my home as I am upside down on the mortgage. Unfortunately, I owe more than it's worth. I am hoping to somehow put my life back together somewhat the best I can. The sadness of losing my husband and all the financial stress on top of that is becoming unbearable lately. People kept telling me to have a fundraiser when he was so ill, but I never did. This is all new to me and friends have been asking what can they do to help? That is what led to this fundraiser. Your support means the world to me.
I met my husband 30 years ago. He was my best friend and we went through so much together through the years. We were in the midst of paying off bills and he was trying to work towards possibly retiring in 5 years. That day never came.
He wasn’t feeling good starting in 2011 and after a false diagnosis and a year later, we heard the sad and dreaded words “you have colon cancer” on a bright sunny July afternoon. I remember it was a Monday at 1:00 pm. I can still hear those words like it was yesterday.
Within a week he was having surgery to remove the cancer. He was doing ok, but then he developed a fistula which was worse than the cancer. It resulted with a hole in his stomach and fluid draining out daily/nightly. The condition made everything SO much worse. He was in terrible pain, had many, many infections and very weak. We were regular visitors at the hospital radiology department where they had to shoot dye into his abdominal area weekly (again very painful)…this was aside from all the other doctors we went to. I was still trying to work outside the home but one day he feel on the kitchen floor so I quit my job to stay home with him. That’s all I did was cry in the bathroom at work anyway. I went to every single Dr. appt with him and it was always very sad. There was never, ever any good news. He became totally depressed as I did but I hid my sadness and tried to be upbeat for his sake. I would quietly cry when he went to bed.
Last spring I took my husband to the ER because he looked so, so weak. He was dehydrated and his platelets were super high. He was so sick. The fistula caused so many internal problems. We got a new surgeon and really liked him. Days after being admitted, he had his 2nd surgery. They said it was a very long and dangerous surgery. I was so scared. He came out ok. I was super relieved! The Dr. tried to fix the fistula that was caused from the 1st surgery. He said that he did, but the cancer was back and was all over his peritoneal cavity. My husband was hospitalized for 8 weeks. I stayed with his constantly and had to have multiple meetings with the staff as I felt they were giving him way too many pain pills and anxiety meds. It resulted in me meeting with the pharmacist of the hospital and it got resolved. He finally got to come home and I stayed with him constantly and continually searched online for alternative therapies every night. It is SO cruel, so heartbreaking and absolutely torturous to watch the man you love so much suffer day after day and you feel so helpless. I really don’t know how to explain how horrible it was for him and me. Trying to be brave when you are so scared is so hard in itself.
My life was no longer my life and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. My only reward is that I know for certain I gave him the very best care I could and I would have done anything in the world for him. I even prayed to God to give me cancer and let him live. That didn’t happen – after years of tests, procedures, surgeries, medications, horrible pain, intense suffering, and depression he lost his life and and I lost my best friend, my husband. It was totally unexpected as I found him lying on the floor, not moving, or breathing. I frantically called 911, they arrived and could not do anything. I hardly remember that day, I just know my heart is broken into a million pieces and I’ll never forget how he looked when they carried him out on a stretcher. The memory is burned into my mind forever and it’s so, so sad.
I have tried to be strong, but I am so lonely… mentally and emotionally exhausted. . It is so difficult and I do not expect any non-caregiver who was not married for 28 years to understand what we went through for those years. I have no husband, nobody to grow old with and be by my side. He was the provider, I was a stay at home mom and just worked off and on, here and there through the years. I am not able to get widow benefits until I am 60.
I have had tons of out of pocket expenses, medical bills along with our own personal bills which have totaled thousands and thousands of dollars. I have had house repairs that were emergencies and I had no choice but to get them taken care of as things were let go for the years he was so sick. I have no retirement whatsoever. The money will be used to get my car repaired, paying my house payment which is totally behind, buying a new furnace, pay the IRS and more. I cannot sell my home as I am upside down on the mortgage. Unfortunately, I owe more than it's worth. I am hoping to somehow put my life back together somewhat the best I can. The sadness of losing my husband and all the financial stress on top of that is becoming unbearable lately. People kept telling me to have a fundraiser when he was so ill, but I never did. This is all new to me and friends have been asking what can they do to help? That is what led to this fundraiser. Your support means the world to me.
Organizer
Sue Coates
Organizer
Granger, IN
