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Khloe

<div>I am 32 years old fighting Ovarian Cancer stage 3 C. I'm seeking support for medical and living expenses as I cannot work at this time.
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<div>Being diagnosed with Cancer has brought me deep reflection and change in consciousness. This has actually always been my path, exploring various states and levels of mental, emotional, physical and spiritual consciousness. I will give you a health and life update here, please bear with me as I share some thoughts while humbly asking you for help. 
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<div>Your help with contributing to and also sharing this GoFundMe within your networks is incredibly appreciated as well as your positive thoughts and prayers for my swift healing. 
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<div>I didn’t want to do this again but I am still struggling a great deal physically and also financially. It felt powerful being vulnerable and sharing before so here I am again. I’ve been really sad for the past 2 months. I’m hoping opening up will help me feel connected, less alone and more hopeful. I haven’t had much energy to even be communicative on the phone or via text… Even if you just read this, I want to thank you so much for your time and good vibes towards my perfect health!
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<div>I’ve been wanting to share more for a long time but it’s just hard. I am tired. It has been a long journey already. But in a way I regret not sharing more as I had originally wanted to through @healingcancer_bridge . It just got too difficult to write about as I was still going through it. I hope I can keep this new momentum going. I know you guys care and are interested and I appreciate you all so much. 
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<div>When people become sick, they either die or they heal and get better. I am more conscious than ever of our collective mortality, as would probably be expected. And cancer is so intriguing because no one really knows which of those two outcomes someone is going to have. Everyone probably knows someone who got cancer and made the big transition fast, someone else that got better and never had cancer again, and maybe others that have had cancer twice or many times and keep getting better or they didn’t. 
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<div>I don’t know how long I have to live, but that’s just like everyone else. And this thought got me through my initial diagnosis, the surgeries and painful recoveries, and when I found out the cancer was growing again. 
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<div>I believe in the co-creation of reality but I am humble enough to know I can’t control the future. I am wise enough to know that painful experiences can lead to death but they can also lead to growth and healing. I am powerful enough to focus my attention and intention on my desired outcome. I am not perfect and I am not always positive or in a good mood. I know that it's okay to feel sad and that eventually things will improve. Or they won’t. And that’s okay too. We all will die, some will decay and die, some will die suddenly. Sorry, I don’t mean to be dark. My point is that I don’t believe we can control fate or destiny. But we can control our attitude, our outlook and be aware and mindful of how we react to every situation. This is what I have learned even before cancer, but the past 2 years have made me grow so much in this practice, this mindfulness. Even through my sadness and pain I have kept my light alive, and I am very proud of that. 
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<div>I find joy and am joyful. I have hope but I must admit that since the diagnosis that the cancer was growing again (not in remission anymore) it’s been hard and heavy. I have had so many beautiful and blessed moments in the past few months but all the while managing a lot of shock, acceptance, fear, despair, anger, dread. 
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<div>So the following is the RECAP and *current situation *:
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<div>On May 3rd 2023 exams showed indications of Cancer. 
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<div>I had a biopsy surgery on May 12th. The findings resulted in an Ovarian Cancer IIIC diagnosis. 
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<div>I had to do several procedures draining liquid from my abdomen. 
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<div>I initiated chemotherapy infusion therapy on May 25th. 
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<div>On May 27th I had to be hospitalized for a few days. 
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<div>I continued to have chemo every 3 weeks for months. 
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<div>My hair was falling out so I had to shave it on June 17th. 
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<div>In the beginning of the treatment I felt ill and unwell for about 2-4 days after the infusion. Towards the end it increased to about 7-10 days. Still, I felt relatively well in between treatments, after I recovered from it. 
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<div>I lost weight as I mostly followed a strict diet, avoiding alcohol, sugar, gluten, dairy and red meat. But I remained pretty active and strong.  I kept teaching only a few Portuguese and English students, until about August. But I stopped working as a massage therapist in May. 
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<div>September 19th 2023 was my second surgery. It was a debulking surgery (removal of as much tumor as possible). It was not possible to remove it all, as it would have inadvertently caused greater harm to the organs in the abdominal cavity. The doctor was hopeful and confident the chemotherapy would melt and remove the rest. After the surgery is when I lost more weight and got a bit weaker. It was a long and painful recovery. 
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<div>On December 11th 2023 exam results showed that the cancer was undetectable. So I became officially in remission. I was very lucky and blessed to have a positive response to the chemotherapy. It was a beautiful miracle. 
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<div>While it was almost hard to celebrate my remission since (to my horrible surprise) I still had to continue cancer treatment, of course I absolutely had to celebrate. It was a huge win even though it didn’t mean it was over. The doctors and nurses insisted on telling me there was only a 30% chance of it not coming back… in other words there was a 70% chance of it coming back… scary. I’ve had to develop a new kind of strength and resilience to deal with this alone. To practice more than ever, living in the moment and the law of detachment. I hated the negativity but it was important to know the statistics and possible realities. 
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<div>I had to continue going to the hospital every 3 weeks to receive another infusion called immunotherapy. It is supposed to be the new best thing to help keep the cancer from coming back. I actually had to start immunotherapy with the chemo infusion before I even finished those cycles. Infusion means the medicine goes into your body through an IV drip vs. a shot or a pill. I had to keep getting bloodwork done and shots. Continue to spend hours at the hospital, receiving medicine through infusion, in other words, getting stuck with needles, pain, fear, crying, etc. This was very frustrating. It wasn’t any guarantee but it was supposed to help increase my time in remission, assuming that the Cancer would come back or increase my chances of the Cancer not coming back at all. 
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<div>On December 30th I had a complication where I had to be rushed into emergency surgery. So I had to heal again and be in post-op for NYE and several more weeks in the New Year. A total of 3 traumatic surgeries in 2023 where I had to take a lot of heavy medication on top of chemo and immunotherapy. Healing from the surgeries was way more difficult and challenging than dealing with the chemo infusion side effects for me. 
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<div>The immunotherapy infusion medication was originally scheduled for a year and a half. And I was told that there really weren’t any side effects that negatively affected life. (Bullshit!) 
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<div>In many ways it was more challenging than the chemo for me because I didn’t feel better from being sick like I did with the chemo medicine. I used to be very ill and in pain from the chemo treatment but felt better in between infusions. 
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<div>In 2024 I wasn’t getting sick from the immunotherapy infusion treatment. However, after only a couple of months I became in chronic, constant muscle and joint pain and it kept getting worse. I really was able to empathize with the struggle it can be to age and get older. At 32 I felt old. I was always in pain and it was either bearable or unbearable. I also had headaches and annoying fatigue. My nose ran and my gums bled. 
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<div>I also had to deal with menopause because my uterus and ovaries were removed from my body in the second surgery through a full hysterectomy resulting in insomnia, and extremely annoying hot flashes. My mood was affected since my whole body had to adjust to all the hormones, plus little sleep. And of course my mood was also affected by my being in constant pain. 
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<div>I dealt with this plethora of maladies with the help of therapy, prayer, meditation, in my rituals and ceremonies, by resting as much as I could while also sometimes just straight up pretending everything is okay, trying to be “mind over matter” and live and enjoy good times. Staying in touch and connected with my family and friends, near and far, was instrumental in keeping my spirits as high as possible. 
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<div>Even with this pain I was able to start going to the gym again, so working out really helped mentally and emotionally but not the pain unfortunately. I was also told by my doctor that exercise is the biggest thing you can do to keep the cancer from coming back. 
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<div>I got a job working as a host at a Brazilian Pizzeria. While I was getting a couple hundred dollars a month from medical social disability, it wasn’t enough and bills were piling up. So I got this easy enough job and I was usually able to work 2-4 nights a week. I still didn’t make enough but it was really good to get out of the house and work with people. 
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<div>For many months I was able to do much less than what I was used to and was really mostly resting and working and doing treatments. I had been so excited for the summer but wasn’t able to enjoy it as much as I had been looking forward to when I found out I was in remission. 
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<div>After 14 months of horrible pain, trauma and loss, and still having 12 more months to go of immunotherapy I had to make a tough decision. I felt like I couldn’t deal with my days anymore. Somedays, I honestly didn’t have energy to carry on. I cried a lot and often because it was so stressful and physically difficult. It felt unending, I was overwhelmed and in a way I reached a breaking point. I kept trying to be in the moment, and joyous, as much as I could. I still wanted to be the light. I still knew, “I am the light and that it is okay to flicker”. I stopped sharing on insta what had gone on in 2023 because I was struggling in real time in 2024. Even though when I was able to have fun, or keep it together at work, it might have looked like I was fine, but I really wasn’t.
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<div>When people would ask me how I was, I started admitting, I am not okay… I’m not good. 
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<div>After feeling so deeply exhausted I decided on July 17th 2024, on a day I had an immunotherapy infusion treatment, that I couldn’t take the pain anymore. I decided to take a break from the treatment for a couple of months at least. The doctor understood and didn’t try to fight me on it or convince me otherwise. The goal was to stop until the pain went away, and I gained some of my sanity and strength back. Another whole year of treatment seemed like forever and I just needed a minute to actually feel alive and well. 
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<div>It’s been hard to open up about how challenging life has been because I don’t want people to feel sorry for me. But of course, like everyone I do want and need empathy, openness and connection. Conversely, it also became harder to celebrate the good times. But I persevered and have been and will continue to do both, on and offline. 
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<div>In August 2024 I started dating someone very special. We fell madly in love. It was magical and it brought incredible life to my life. 
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<div>I kept doing routine blood work to monitor my stats. Unfortunately, on September 17th 2024 I found out that the tumor marker had gone up, which meant the Cancer was growing again. I was devastated and felt totally defeated. 
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<div>The doctor said that we should keep on with the break in treatment and give my body some time, a few more months to recover and gain strength before having to start chemotherapy again. 
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<div>So I lived my life. I worked more, enjoyed nature and adventurous activities more. Enjoyed food and drink more. And relished in the joy of a new romantic relationship. I was in awe and incredibly grateful that he didn’t pull away or break up with me because of Cancer, because as we all know, it is not a walk in the park or an easy journey by any means. 
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<div>In fact, César, my love, did the opposite. He blew me away with the most epic surprise! He proposed and asked for my hand in marriage on October 19th 2024. I said yes, became a fiancé and engaged to be married! I could hardly believe it, as I had sometimes thought I’d never marry since Cancer became part of my story. I had already lost the ability to have my own kids. And I (negatively) believed I’d never have this either. Suddenly this was all happening and to say the least, I was over the moon. 
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<div>He was in no rush to get married and just wanted me to know and be sure that he was all in. But since my Dad, Sister and Brother were already coming from Brazil for the Holidays and we knew I was going to have to start chemo and no one knew or knows how that’s going to go… we decided to go for it while they were going to be here with us in Hawai’i. We settled on a NYE Wedding. I later found out my maternal great-grandparents also got married on NYE. Which made it all the more awesome and special! 
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<div>So that’s what we did, we celebrated Christmas and then had an amazing December 31st with a beautiful Wedding party. It wasn’t very big, but it wasn’t tiny. We had about 50 guests. We got married at sunset. It rained (good luck they say!) and we were gifted by the Divine with a phenomenal rainbow and just stunning colors in the sky. 
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<div>God took care of us and everything came together (last minute) miraculously. I got the most exquisite wedding dress on sale. The cake, food, DJ and fire blessing, were all gifted to us by friends. My parents gifted us the wedding drinks and rehearsal dinner and César covered the rest of the costs. 
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<div>I am so lucky and I feel incredibly grateful to have felt so loved and supported since the unexpected devastating news that I had stage 3 Cancer. Still, the reality is that after finishing chemo in December 2023 I’ve had to deal with the heartbreaking fact that I am not able to carry new life in my womb. Since I don’t even have a womb anymore. Early menopause. Continued treatment. Chronic pain… hopefully not forever. And debt. And now I can’t work anymore (for now) since I had to begin chemo again. 
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<div>On March 10th 2025, I began chemotherapy and immunotherapy infusions (together). This new round of infusion cycles is different, so it has been a lot of newness to navigate in the past month. I won’t lose my hair this time since it is a different type of chemo. Yay for that!
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<div>On March 12th I had to have another surgery to place the port in my chest. It was a painful recovery once again. Surgery number 4. At least I had a rest from surgeries in 2024. I received the infusion treatments all throughout 2023 and 2024 in my arms, so I wouldn’t have to have this surgery and this port thing sticking out of my chest. It’s not cute. But the veins in my arms deteriorated because of the harshness of the medicine and I didn’t have a choice this time. On the bright side, treatment should be less painful.  
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<div>I spent two weeks mostly in bed resting, sleeping lots and not moving much. Which is so very hard for me. 
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<div>I had an infusion on a Monday (10th), surgery on Wednesday (12th), infusion again next Monday (17th). I finally felt a little less weak and fatigued Friday the 21st, 2 weeks ago. I got to go to a dear friend’s birthday party on Saturday. I got tired and couldn’t stay for as long and have as much fun as I would have liked to but it was reinvigorating. I’ve been so blue and down that I haven’t been very communicative, not my normal. It was important to force myself to be with people I love. 
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<div>I’m happy to have written all of this and be able to update people who care. I had another infusion this week on March 31st. I am still tired and sleeping a lot, and with abdominal and back pain, but much better. 
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<div>So to clarify, the new treatment plan is infusions 2 Mondays in a row with the 3rd Monday off. Then repeat… until the Cancer is gone again. FOREVER BYE. GOD WILLING!
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<div>But I am aware I have a rough road ahead for… I don’t know how long. 
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<div>The thing about humans is that no matter how horrific things may be, people find or create beauty. And that’s magic. That’s resilience. That is LIFE. And I am living!!!
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<div>It’s been hard to open up on and offline but sharing more on both how incredibly challenging life has been and also being able to celebrate the good times (when possible) has helped me get to today. You all have helped keep my hope alive. Hope for healing, health and relief from pain. 
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<div>That’s as big and as valuable as any financial assistance you can give me. I am putting my ego aside and humbly accepting any help that I can get. I need financial help yes, but I also really need a strong chain of love, faith, prayers and good energy around me right now. 
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<div>Thank you for being here and letting me know I’m not alone even though I am the only one that can fight this fight. You are valued and loved! I still believe with all my heart and soul that everything is divinely designed and every single life has a purpose. I am grounded in my mission of being LIGHT in an often dark world. I pray to be able to continue serving and working with my passion for social development and the ascension of life and human consciousness on Earth in an even better way. Thank you. 
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<div>Yours,
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<div>Bridget 
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Cesar Vargas O`Brien

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