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I DESPERATELY need a clean slate

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I recently did a 2017 "wrapup" & very first PERSONAL post on Facebook to express the challenges I've been thru this year that have held me back financially in just about every way from being able to save money for my future, making better investments into my businesses & most of all paying for responsibilities such as rent, vehicle license renewal,  vehicle insurance, a now negative account balance amongst other things.  

As stated on my Facebook page, I moved 3xs in the first 6 months of 2017: due to a separation, then a house with no heat in the dead of winter & "roommate" stealing from me, my own mother charging me a set "rent" with an actual lease agreement while I could've been saving money & then doing all that I could to be in the place that I now reside & enjoy but has been a little difficult. Prior to all of this, I was in a marriage for 10 years where I was the only one working multiple jobs, slaving until fatigue & frustration just to take care of myself & my household which never seemed to be enough.  I was tired! Tired of the routine, tired of being treated less than what I deserved,  tired of being treated less than a wife & tired of moving seemingly independently  which was actual because I had no other options. During this time, I managed to file for bankruptcy as an only option to save my car because the jobs I were working at the time weren't consistently producing the financial results I needed & when looking for other work, hundreds of applications produced no results.  From there I took side gigs & did what I could, including donating plasma for gas money & food. "This can't be life, this can't be love, this can't be right, theres's gotta be more, this can't be us" (Jay Z) played in my head on more than enough occasions. But now I'm here.

Fast back forward to this year & yet another thing... people who I helped get money while a job was slow have now turned their back on me & halted me from making the same money I introduced them to (nothing illegal). This was a side hustle that I would make sometimes at least $100 per week....now, nothing. I used to do POS (point of sale) system programming...now, nothing. Catering events....now, nothing.  Was picking up a friend's child from Southside to take to a West End high school every morning, then picking up from high school & taking her to her mom in downtown Richmond every day...now, nothing.  I had multi-state insurance licenses that I wasn't able to pay the renewal fees for!! EV-ER-Y-THING stopped & all around the same damn time.  So when I started to refocus on my consignment business & take my cleaning business seriously, I wanted to go IN.  Yea, I've made a great family of vendors from pop up events & finally gaining more clientele for cleaning residential & commercial spaces, but money still has to be spent for everything that  comes along with those things too.  It still takes time too. And I'm still in debt too.  Some people think a real "job" or 9-5 will solve all my problems.  My businesses are my JOBS! So how or when am I supposed to dedicate the time needed to grow for me by working for someone else?? Been there, done that.  My cleaning business operates 9am-9pm Monday thru Friday & Saturday 10am-5pm.  Although my well being depends on flexibility, I'm in the process of applying for an overnight job which will send me back to the exhausted, stressed & frustrated life I lived before.  I've been a strong women for myself & others & I've worked my @$$  off for a long time without ever a feeling of being 10 steps ahead. But where's the consistency in living well? In living comfortably? In being "ahead"?
Because I have YET to find that out.  And I have no idea how long it will take for me to get out of debt. I have no family that is able to help me...mom, dad, aunt, uncle, grandparents (except my Pop Pop who sends me a $25 check every birthday). I apologize that my smiles & previous positivity have led everyone that I've surrounded myself with, in the past couple of years, to think everything is ok with me when obviously it is not. Your help is needed...I need you. I'm not able to do this on my own. I hope you understand & are willing & able to help.  And I thank those that have already offered words of encouragement & motions of support. I love you & God bless you.

Organizer

Natasha Wilson
Organizer
Falling Creek Farms, VA

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