Dean's Better Life Project
Donation protected
**Last Update: October 8th**
Together, we have:
》Kicked cancer's ass. (As of October 8 Post-Op, I am clear and cancer-free.)
》Ensured that I have heart medication to last AT LEAST four months.
》Paid off my monthly expenses pre-move.
》Afforded my boxes to be shipped to Finland, a flight, and transportation HOME.
Those are no small feats. This is only possible thanks to the kindness of friends, loved ones, and complete strangers. Admittedly, I've been doing my part, and so has my fiance. I've sold most of my belongings, which provided a generous extra bit of money, as has cancelling most of my bills.
What is left?
(...) First, I want to disclaimer that I am INCREDIBLY grateful and humbled by the generosity I've received. Absolutely no one is obligated to help me. I know that there are more pressing matters, in your life, and in other fundraisers. No hard feelings if you don't want to donate. But, as for me, I am not going to be too proud to admit that I'm not in the clear yet.
》I'm still unable to work for a number of reasons, including my heart condition (POTS) and my mental health conditions (PTSD, Severe Anxiety, Depression), as well as an issue in my spine (that's best chance of getting better is with surgery). So, I have no income. At this point, I've sold all of my belongings, and until Disability or another source of income are available to me (and believe me, I am trying), my fiance and I are living on their income alone- and they are on disability as well. It's not a lot of money. It takes our budget down to the little black line between green and red without anything extra coming up.
》I would very much like to be able to have health insurance overseas, which is about $90/month. This ensures that if something happens with my heart, or if my spine continues to deteriorate that my medical expenses would be covered until I'm covered by Finland as a permanent resident.
》I need top surgery. For my spine (per neurologist), and also for gender dysphoria (I am a transgender guy). All the way around, this betters my life and my health. Until I have an income, this is looking to be out of the question. The issue with my spine is causing my legs and hands to go numb at times and give out. Which doesn't contribute to my being able to function or be healthy.
》The sooner I see an electrocardiologist, the better. On top of my POTS, my current cardiologist has confirmed that I'm having some pretty serious tachycardia issues that he wants a specialist to take a look at before deciding on a likely ablation, or a pacemaker. For now, it's somewhat under control. I'm still passing out and having bad episodes, but a lot of the excess tachycardia runs have been brought on by stress.
》Costs of moving my life overseas. Are not cheap. Even when you've limited your life to 3 moving boxes and a suitcase. Again, we're living on one income. My application for Permanent Residence, which is an absolute necessity will cost about $500. There will need to be travel to bigger cities for paperwork. There will likely be more expensive paperwork, travel for getting everything set up from immigration. Immigration is NOT easy. Also, I have very little in the way of clothing, and nothing for the cold Finnish winters, so I will have to buy some new clothes. And, well, life happens. Groceries are to be had, and just a sustainable life. More than just surviving.
》Therapy needs to be a thing. My mental health is the worst it's ever been. I say I'm coping. I think I'm being generous. I'm having panic attacks and other severe symptoms almost daily that have at this point beyond impacted my daily life.
It feels selfish to ask for more after already receiving so much help. But, honestly, I need this win. I have gone through 29 years of abuse, and this move allows me to be with my fiance: someone who treats me like a person, and allow me the chance to restart my life. It's a big jump- but it is necessary. My mental health has taken a massive nosedive, and being in a healthy, supportive environment will do wonders for me, rather than in a severely toxic, transphobic environment that destroys a little more of me day by day.
I know that it's no one's job to support my move. It is something that I'm doing for myself. It's something that everyone does for themselves as they need, and usually without help.
I know that if it was just me, I would likely just try to keep pushing through and not being a 'burden' on other people. But, my fiance is doing a big, big thing by being kind enough to move me in when it's a little less practical financially because things have gotten so dark and bad at home that it is unrealistic to think that this is sustainable. I'm very scared that by doing this kindness, that I will put them in a bad financial situation, and I can't live with that. So, I will ask for help, from those who are able and happy to do so. Your kindnesses are valued. More than you could ever know.
Another note- I really have been helping myself as much as I can here. A history: I worked until my illnesses caused my employment to be terminated. I paid as much as I could, for as long as I could. I have sold nearly all of my belongings, to help with expenses and also downsize for a more cost-efficient move. I am offering any services I can on my Ko-fi page (I'm not extremely talented, but I can do a couple things decently). The link is at the bottom. Basically, I am trying to fund as much for myself through work as I'm able. My found-family and fiance are full of a lot of love and are willing to help me in every way that they can, but we are not wealthy.
I was against creating this campaign. It was the wishes of my fiance and found family that I allow people the opportunity to help me if it would bring them joy and if they were able. I am the type of person who lets things build up and build up before finally reaching out for help. I like to quietly and slowly deal with things alone as I can. I am doing my best, but in this case, my best is not enough and the needs for my health and well-being are out of my hands.That said, you are 100% not obligated to help me. You are allowed to choose to help someone else, or not help at all without feeling guilty about it. But, if you've taken the time to read this, and to share or donate, please know it means a lot to me. I do not have a large network of friends or family- so that you've taken the time out for me today, it means a lot. Believe me when I say that I'm probably crying with gratitude. And, if you DO choose to help someone else who you believe needs it more, thank you for that too. Thank you for your kindness. It is a beautiful quality, and so, I think for reading this, you are a beautiful human.
If you are uncomfortable using gofundme as a platform, but want to donate, you are free to use any of my other links. Every single dollar helps.
Venmo: www.venmo.com/colourinthesky
Paypal:
Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/heartsandthumbs
With that, I leave you with the very wise words of a timeless being-
“The universe is big. It’s vast and complicated and ridiculous. And sometimes, very rarely, impossible things just happen and we call them miracles.”
Together, we have:
》Kicked cancer's ass. (As of October 8 Post-Op, I am clear and cancer-free.)
》Ensured that I have heart medication to last AT LEAST four months.
》Paid off my monthly expenses pre-move.
》Afforded my boxes to be shipped to Finland, a flight, and transportation HOME.
Those are no small feats. This is only possible thanks to the kindness of friends, loved ones, and complete strangers. Admittedly, I've been doing my part, and so has my fiance. I've sold most of my belongings, which provided a generous extra bit of money, as has cancelling most of my bills.
What is left?
(...) First, I want to disclaimer that I am INCREDIBLY grateful and humbled by the generosity I've received. Absolutely no one is obligated to help me. I know that there are more pressing matters, in your life, and in other fundraisers. No hard feelings if you don't want to donate. But, as for me, I am not going to be too proud to admit that I'm not in the clear yet.
》I'm still unable to work for a number of reasons, including my heart condition (POTS) and my mental health conditions (PTSD, Severe Anxiety, Depression), as well as an issue in my spine (that's best chance of getting better is with surgery). So, I have no income. At this point, I've sold all of my belongings, and until Disability or another source of income are available to me (and believe me, I am trying), my fiance and I are living on their income alone- and they are on disability as well. It's not a lot of money. It takes our budget down to the little black line between green and red without anything extra coming up.
》I would very much like to be able to have health insurance overseas, which is about $90/month. This ensures that if something happens with my heart, or if my spine continues to deteriorate that my medical expenses would be covered until I'm covered by Finland as a permanent resident.
》I need top surgery. For my spine (per neurologist), and also for gender dysphoria (I am a transgender guy). All the way around, this betters my life and my health. Until I have an income, this is looking to be out of the question. The issue with my spine is causing my legs and hands to go numb at times and give out. Which doesn't contribute to my being able to function or be healthy.
》The sooner I see an electrocardiologist, the better. On top of my POTS, my current cardiologist has confirmed that I'm having some pretty serious tachycardia issues that he wants a specialist to take a look at before deciding on a likely ablation, or a pacemaker. For now, it's somewhat under control. I'm still passing out and having bad episodes, but a lot of the excess tachycardia runs have been brought on by stress.
》Costs of moving my life overseas. Are not cheap. Even when you've limited your life to 3 moving boxes and a suitcase. Again, we're living on one income. My application for Permanent Residence, which is an absolute necessity will cost about $500. There will need to be travel to bigger cities for paperwork. There will likely be more expensive paperwork, travel for getting everything set up from immigration. Immigration is NOT easy. Also, I have very little in the way of clothing, and nothing for the cold Finnish winters, so I will have to buy some new clothes. And, well, life happens. Groceries are to be had, and just a sustainable life. More than just surviving.
》Therapy needs to be a thing. My mental health is the worst it's ever been. I say I'm coping. I think I'm being generous. I'm having panic attacks and other severe symptoms almost daily that have at this point beyond impacted my daily life.
It feels selfish to ask for more after already receiving so much help. But, honestly, I need this win. I have gone through 29 years of abuse, and this move allows me to be with my fiance: someone who treats me like a person, and allow me the chance to restart my life. It's a big jump- but it is necessary. My mental health has taken a massive nosedive, and being in a healthy, supportive environment will do wonders for me, rather than in a severely toxic, transphobic environment that destroys a little more of me day by day.
I know that it's no one's job to support my move. It is something that I'm doing for myself. It's something that everyone does for themselves as they need, and usually without help.
I know that if it was just me, I would likely just try to keep pushing through and not being a 'burden' on other people. But, my fiance is doing a big, big thing by being kind enough to move me in when it's a little less practical financially because things have gotten so dark and bad at home that it is unrealistic to think that this is sustainable. I'm very scared that by doing this kindness, that I will put them in a bad financial situation, and I can't live with that. So, I will ask for help, from those who are able and happy to do so. Your kindnesses are valued. More than you could ever know.
Another note- I really have been helping myself as much as I can here. A history: I worked until my illnesses caused my employment to be terminated. I paid as much as I could, for as long as I could. I have sold nearly all of my belongings, to help with expenses and also downsize for a more cost-efficient move. I am offering any services I can on my Ko-fi page (I'm not extremely talented, but I can do a couple things decently). The link is at the bottom. Basically, I am trying to fund as much for myself through work as I'm able. My found-family and fiance are full of a lot of love and are willing to help me in every way that they can, but we are not wealthy.
I was against creating this campaign. It was the wishes of my fiance and found family that I allow people the opportunity to help me if it would bring them joy and if they were able. I am the type of person who lets things build up and build up before finally reaching out for help. I like to quietly and slowly deal with things alone as I can. I am doing my best, but in this case, my best is not enough and the needs for my health and well-being are out of my hands.That said, you are 100% not obligated to help me. You are allowed to choose to help someone else, or not help at all without feeling guilty about it. But, if you've taken the time to read this, and to share or donate, please know it means a lot to me. I do not have a large network of friends or family- so that you've taken the time out for me today, it means a lot. Believe me when I say that I'm probably crying with gratitude. And, if you DO choose to help someone else who you believe needs it more, thank you for that too. Thank you for your kindness. It is a beautiful quality, and so, I think for reading this, you are a beautiful human.
If you are uncomfortable using gofundme as a platform, but want to donate, you are free to use any of my other links. Every single dollar helps.
Venmo: www.venmo.com/colourinthesky
Paypal:
Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/heartsandthumbs
With that, I leave you with the very wise words of a timeless being-
“The universe is big. It’s vast and complicated and ridiculous. And sometimes, very rarely, impossible things just happen and we call them miracles.”
Organiser
Dean R
Organiser
Kokomo, IN