Jay's Necessities (Queer Exchange)

$11,940 of $15,000 goal

Raised by 228 people in 33 months
No Longer Accepting Donations
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Hello all,

Jay passed away on Sept 30, 2016. You can read an article about his incredible life, here

I have stopped donations on this page, but I will keep it up as a reminder of what we can accomplish as a community.

If you would like to make a donation in Jay's name, please do so to SAGE (Services and Advocacy for GLBT Elders): https://giveto.sageusa.org/donate

Today is a terrible day for the LGBTQ+ community, but I hope it brings a smile to your face that so many people - some, like me, who never met him in person - organized to help him, and care for him, like he had done for so many others.


Healthcare Discrimination Against Trans People
With the advent of trans people in the media, society (and sometimes, members of the LGBTQ+ community) likes to think we have "arrived" when it comes to ending discrimination against trans people.

And they are wrong.

Jay Kallio was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and has surpassed any doctor's estimate on how much time he had left.

Jay got cancer because his oncologist, and other doctors refused to provide him with a diagnosis/care because of his identity.  
Doctors refused to meet with him, treat him, etc.  If Jay had been diagnosed/treated by the original doctor who saw him for breast cancer, his survival odds would have been much better.   (You can read about these events here  and watch a video here .)

Jay is currently on Medicaid, which does not cover the costs of a potentially life saving trial at Johns Hopkins University.  Please donate and share the campaign to help Jay cover costs to participate in a clinical trial.


From Jay:


My days as a terminal cancer patient are becoming much harder to endure, and I know there are some of my friends who would like to know what they can do to ease some of the suffering which can be changed; suffering which is provoked by the poverty of living on a very low fixed disability income ($817/month) while facing a killer cancer. Medical emergencies, needs that Medicaid will not cover, or doctors will refuse to provide services due to very low Medicaid reimbursements (palliative care procedures like nerve blocks by expert specialists), alternative care like acupuncture for pain relief, and most basic needs like taking a cab to the emergency room and having enough food to last the entire month without worry. And my rescue cats must eat before I do, of course!

It is important to me that my needs must not be a burden or hardship on others. Those of you who know me from my first days of seeking refuge in the Firehouse on Wooster St in 1972 at the GAA/LFL meetings that provided the political organizing in NYC as we birthed a new social justice movement know that I have always wanted to give to our LGBT movement, not take away from it. Whether you ever donate a nickel to my cancer care fund or not, know in your heart you have already given mightily to me for your work, generosity, activism, and all the personal risk and sacrifices you have made to advance social justice. Your gifts of service give me the inner peace I need to leave this world in the certain care of people who provide the sustaining good this world requires for a good future. This is already your greatest gift to me, for which I am eternally grateful.

If, in addition to your gift of activism, you can now contribute to the kindnesses of urgently needed home repairs that my landlord, the New York City Housing Authority, cannot provide, food to keep my weight up (I'm becoming very fashionably thin for the summer, but it's going overboard…), medical care I cannot otherwise obtain, and the security of not overdrawing my account and running out for my essential bills, I would be immensely grateful. But please do not impose a hardship on yourself to do so. You know Eleanor and I often gave too much of ourselves, especially during the supremely urgent days of the HIV/AIDS crisis in the 80s, and we undermined our own health by doing so. Don't repeat our mistakes in generosity for our terminally ill friends.
If you are struggling yourself, please send me your prayers and good energy instead. I promise it reaches me, and does me good. Above all else, know I love you, and even during my very last breath I will be wishing you the very best, thanking you for all you have given this world (I have only the best friends!), and wishing I had a little more time to know you better.
May inner peace, love, good fortune, and the great satisfaction of companionship imbue all your days with grace.
Love,
Jay Kallio


Recently Ella Grash posted this on Queer Exchange about Jay Kallio:
 "His living situation is not good. With his permission I am posting this. He lives in subsidized housing in Chelsea, and he's forced to live in an apt with a blocked up toilet, ceilings that have plaster falling, a leaky sink, and some electrical problems. He is on an extremely tight budget. For reasons that I don't understand, the people in charge of the buildings are not fixing anything. I told him that I refused to allow him to live in such a state.
So, here's what I'm asking; so many of you know how to fix things and make repairs. I'd also like to raise a bit of money for the necessary parts that are needed to make the repairs. If it comes down to it, I'll pay for them myself.
Jay is in a tremendous amount of pain, despite taking pain killers and has very little energy. I told him that I would organize everything as even responding to emails / messages can be too tiring.
Jay is living on borrowed time now. He has outlived the time that the doctors said he had. I would love for him to spend the rest of his time comfortable, not worrying about the issues in his apt/getting rid of his stuff or how he'll afford to eat.
I've seen such amazing kindness and generosity on this board and I know that we can really help Jay.
If you are able to repair something, please let me know. I figure the easiest thing to do would be to stop by his place and assess what needs to be done."

Jay Kallio has terminal cancer.  He needs help paying for medical treatments about ($300/month), repairs to his apartment (he is currently without indoor plumbing) and food (Jay cannot eat gluten, and Meals On Wheels/other orgs cannot make gluten-free meals).  

Many folks from  Queer Exchange NYC have offered their time/handy skills to help Jay.  Others have offered financial support.  This GoFundMe was made with Jay's permission, and at the conclusion of the GoFundMe the money will be deposited into Jay's account.  Jay is used to being in the caregiver/activist role - not the one receiving help.  He wants to ask  that any monetary help should not be a burden on the person giving it.

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Hello all,

Jay passed away on Sept 30, 2016. You can read an article about his incredible life, here: http://gaycitynews.nyc/jay-kallio-model-activist-end-dead-61/

I have stopped donations on this page, but I will keep it up as a reminder of what we can accomplish as a community.

If you would like to make a donation in Jay's name, please do so to SAGE (Services and Advocacy for GLBT Elders): https://giveto.sageusa.org/donate

Today is a terrible day for the LGBTQ+ community, but I hope it brings a smile to your face that so many people - some, like me, who never met him in person - organized to help him, and care for him, like he had done for so many others.
Jay fighting the good fight.
+ Read More
Jay Kallio
23 months ago
1
1

This is a message to Kathleen Keating: Thanks very much for your donation to my case! I did not bring any legal action against the doctors who refused to give me appropriate care for several reasons. First of all, it would have placed me in a gag situation, unable to speak out against such medical discrimination, and I wanted very much to talk about what happened to me while giving cultural competency trainings for health care professionals on how to give care to LGBT patients. Legally I would not have been able to give out the information. When I consulted a well positioned attorney, who is also a long time friend, he told me that the medical doctor's lobby in NY State is so powerful that they would not have been found liable, that all the doctor would have had to say was that he did not feel competent to treat transgender people, and he would have gotten off. Also, after my cancer surgery the nursing home where I had had to place my severely ill life partner of 36 years (she had a major stroke and diabetes) abused her severely and neglected her to the point of fatal sepsis, and my beloved died, leaving me in terrible grief that year, fighting for my life against the cancer and other doctors who refused to give me chemotherapy after the mastectomy. The battles were enormous. Also, had I gone around naming names I would not have been invited by hospitals and medical schools, etc, to give the cultural competency training talks, because naming names is verboten in such situations. I also had empathy for the surgeon, because he was trained in the old school when transgender people were considered to be mentally ill, and his intention to refer me out to psychiatry was based in that very old training. Let him update himself. I don't like shaming people, even when they are in the wrong and hurt me. I know I have been able to do great good in the field of oncology for transgender people, because with my second cancer my treatment has been flawless. The widespread cultural competency trainings across NY and further have done a great deal of good. Things are not anywhere near as bad as they were, at least here in our little progressive bubble in NY! That was far more important and satisfying to me, that other transgender people would not have to face the ugly discrimination I had faced, than winning some lawsuit. Now I am working hard to raise money for tuition to become a hospice chaplain, so I can be there for others facing fatal illness. I hope to remain alive long enough to assist other patients like myself. :)

+ Read More
Jay Kallio
27 months ago

Update: Thanks so very much to everyone who has donated funds to improve my living situation and get me the expensive new treatments that have reduced my pain to a fraction of what it was. I had been in such agony for many months so that all I could do was lie in bed in one position only. Either sitting or standing for longer than a few minutes was unendurable, as the weight on my internal organs on top of the cancer metastasis pushed the pain into unbearable suffering. Now I can sit, stand, and walk again, with a much smaller amount of pain medication. I am praying more people can and will donate to keep these treatments going for me, and keep me out of the most hellish pain. Thank you to all, you have no idea how much it means to me. Please share my fundraiser with others, so that the burden is spread across many people, making it so much lighter for the individual donors! I never want my cancer pain to create hardship for anyone else, so many small donations spread over time is the best! Thank you!

+ Read More
Brenna Chavez
32 months ago

Is this horrible original doc being sued for malpractice? This makes my blood boil. Do Drs do this all the time? Holding the keys to life and death and suffering based on personal likes and dislikes. beliefs, old books? Is my future diagnosis going to be withheld based on the fact that I'm pudgy or wearing an offensive T-shirt or something? I'm so sorry that Jay is going through this. Who made these people god?

+ Read More
Catherine Gordon
32 months ago

All my best to Jay on his upcoming battle with cruel, outdated attitudes and policies. I am not transgender myself, I am a bi female currently living with an effeminate male. I have friends in the trans community here in BC and Alberta who have faced similar lack of compassion and understanding at the hands of the medical community. Please keep on fighting, good healthcare is a right for everyone. Perhaps in the next life...

+ Read More
Amber Reagan
32 months ago

My name is Amber. I am transgender and a registered nurse at a large level 1 trauma center and MD teaching facility here in Dallas TX. I would appreciate a moment to speak to or email Jay in order to gain insight on how to create educational programs for hospital staff including MDs. Although I've had a great experience in transition at this hospital, I have stories of mistreatment and we have a long way to go regarding sensitivity of the LGBTQ community. Please feel free to contact me. amberdfw74 at gmail.

+ Read More

$11,940 of $15,000 goal

Raised by 228 people in 33 months
No Longer Accepting Donations
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Created May 27, 2015
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$20
Anonymous
19 months ago
MF
$25
Marina Franchild
20 months ago

For the herbs that you need, my friend.

KS
$50
Kyla Schuller
20 months ago

peace and strength to you Jay!

ML
$10
Marc Levine
20 months ago

Can do monthly

WC
$30
Wendy Crowell
20 months ago

Love you Jay!

$15
Anonymous
20 months ago (Monthly Donation)
$50
Shelley Dodt
20 months ago
1
1

Hope this little bit helps Jay. Hang in there, you MUST celebrate Hillary's election.

Jay Kallio
23 months ago
1
1

This is a message to Kathleen Keating: Thanks very much for your donation to my case! I did not bring any legal action against the doctors who refused to give me appropriate care for several reasons. First of all, it would have placed me in a gag situation, unable to speak out against such medical discrimination, and I wanted very much to talk about what happened to me while giving cultural competency trainings for health care professionals on how to give care to LGBT patients. Legally I would not have been able to give out the information. When I consulted a well positioned attorney, who is also a long time friend, he told me that the medical doctor's lobby in NY State is so powerful that they would not have been found liable, that all the doctor would have had to say was that he did not feel competent to treat transgender people, and he would have gotten off. Also, after my cancer surgery the nursing home where I had had to place my severely ill life partner of 36 years (she had a major stroke and diabetes) abused her severely and neglected her to the point of fatal sepsis, and my beloved died, leaving me in terrible grief that year, fighting for my life against the cancer and other doctors who refused to give me chemotherapy after the mastectomy. The battles were enormous. Also, had I gone around naming names I would not have been invited by hospitals and medical schools, etc, to give the cultural competency training talks, because naming names is verboten in such situations. I also had empathy for the surgeon, because he was trained in the old school when transgender people were considered to be mentally ill, and his intention to refer me out to psychiatry was based in that very old training. Let him update himself. I don't like shaming people, even when they are in the wrong and hurt me. I know I have been able to do great good in the field of oncology for transgender people, because with my second cancer my treatment has been flawless. The widespread cultural competency trainings across NY and further have done a great deal of good. Things are not anywhere near as bad as they were, at least here in our little progressive bubble in NY! That was far more important and satisfying to me, that other transgender people would not have to face the ugly discrimination I had faced, than winning some lawsuit. Now I am working hard to raise money for tuition to become a hospice chaplain, so I can be there for others facing fatal illness. I hope to remain alive long enough to assist other patients like myself. :)

+ Read More
Jay Kallio
27 months ago

Update: Thanks so very much to everyone who has donated funds to improve my living situation and get me the expensive new treatments that have reduced my pain to a fraction of what it was. I had been in such agony for many months so that all I could do was lie in bed in one position only. Either sitting or standing for longer than a few minutes was unendurable, as the weight on my internal organs on top of the cancer metastasis pushed the pain into unbearable suffering. Now I can sit, stand, and walk again, with a much smaller amount of pain medication. I am praying more people can and will donate to keep these treatments going for me, and keep me out of the most hellish pain. Thank you to all, you have no idea how much it means to me. Please share my fundraiser with others, so that the burden is spread across many people, making it so much lighter for the individual donors! I never want my cancer pain to create hardship for anyone else, so many small donations spread over time is the best! Thank you!

+ Read More
Brenna Chavez
32 months ago

Is this horrible original doc being sued for malpractice? This makes my blood boil. Do Drs do this all the time? Holding the keys to life and death and suffering based on personal likes and dislikes. beliefs, old books? Is my future diagnosis going to be withheld based on the fact that I'm pudgy or wearing an offensive T-shirt or something? I'm so sorry that Jay is going through this. Who made these people god?

+ Read More
Catherine Gordon
32 months ago

All my best to Jay on his upcoming battle with cruel, outdated attitudes and policies. I am not transgender myself, I am a bi female currently living with an effeminate male. I have friends in the trans community here in BC and Alberta who have faced similar lack of compassion and understanding at the hands of the medical community. Please keep on fighting, good healthcare is a right for everyone. Perhaps in the next life...

+ Read More
Amber Reagan
32 months ago

My name is Amber. I am transgender and a registered nurse at a large level 1 trauma center and MD teaching facility here in Dallas TX. I would appreciate a moment to speak to or email Jay in order to gain insight on how to create educational programs for hospital staff including MDs. Although I've had a great experience in transition at this hospital, I have stories of mistreatment and we have a long way to go regarding sensitivity of the LGBTQ community. Please feel free to contact me. amberdfw74 at gmail.

+ Read More
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