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Support Nicole Abrino

$17,790 of $20,000 goal

Raised by 384 people in 6 months
Created January 26, 2019
Fundraising Team
on behalf of Nicole Abrino

On Thursday night, Nicole was involved in a deadly shooting at PJ Harrigans in State College  that took the life of 4 others. She was shot in the chest and immediately taken to the hospital where she was then life flighted to UPMC in Pittsburgh. She was in critical condition as she underwent her first surgery. Following, she was stable but sedated. Earlier this morning, she underwent her second surgery. Nicole is the only survivor of the awful tragedy that took place. She still has a long journey ahead of her, including the possibility of more surgeries, PT, continued doctors visits and hospital stays. Nicole still has her whole life ahead of her and continues to fight everyday. We are putting together this gofundme to assist her and her parents with the bills they will soon be burdened with. Also to help with her parents and older sister who have had to miss work to be by her side in Pittsburgh. Please continue to keep Nicole in your prayers.
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PTSD



PTSD is so real and I don’t know how people truly handle it, right now I’m finishing wedding details and that keeps me busy enough but water hitting the bullet hole feels like a hot all over again.

MOBILITY



MOBILITY is the biggest struggle in my life right now. While I was loving the short week of completely “crutchless” free walking I have fell three times in the past five days, one oh which was today.

COMING TO TERMS



COMING TO TERMS with the fact that they only ever expected me to be a 50/50 walker at the absolute most and realizing now that my little luck of recovery has caught up to me. I now can hardly walk even with crutches without everyone jumping to help me if I become unsteady for even a second and today, my heart is on is stomach realizing I may not actually “walk” down the isle.

BEYOND GRATEFUL



BEYOND GRATEFUL for the amazing community and their ways of helping me to make my wedding be everything id ever want it to be
Thank you to:
https://www.facebook.com/Diamondsandlace/ For the beautiful gown and wonderful staff that helped me feel beautiful
https://www.facebook.com/state.college.tuxedos/ For the tuxes that will have the men looking dapper
https://www.facebook.com/Pocketful-Of-Posies-116598865025907/ For the wedding parties florals
https://www.facebook.com/mcphotography17/ with her photography gift as well as everything she’s done for me along the way
https://www.facebook.com/fernhillweddings for the venue and help and extreme measures you’re all taking to help me have my fairytale wedding
https://www.facebook.com/StephanieandtheWildHearts/ For your amazing band
https://www.facebook.com/drinksbydesignbartender/ for bartending
https://www.facebook.com/TMbeautybarbellefonte/ for makeup
And everyone else I’m forgetting
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Time does not heal all wounds.



Time does not heal all wounds, i say as it’s been well over four months now and as many times as I close my eyes, it still see the actions of that night. I still hear a loud sound and pause, I still see someone who even resembles him and I could just fall to the ground. But life isn’t fair and I’ve learned that the hardest ways, but I’m tired of standing in the shower screaming because I think it “helps” me.
Here’s how I try to cope and some of my accomplishments (pictures below)



*As I’ve worked so hard on walking I find that just going out with my friends helps because not only does it keep me sane but it pushes me to walk more and push myself.
*I finally said yes to the dress with some amazing people by my side all thanks to Diamond and Lace for making me feel beautiful in every dress I tried on, your time, donations and dedication means the world to me.
*mastered “crutchless” walking which has resulted in an awesome pair of crocs that have flamingos on them. Flamingos because in rehab I wore a pink pair of pajamas and told everyone I was a flamingo simple because I was all pink and only one of my legs I’d actually useful.
*chose a beautiful wedding venue
*went to the gym (which wasn’t the best idea but I gave it a go)



The physical pain is still there and believe me.. it’s real. The emotional and mental pain will never go away but I’m determined to try my best to look past it everyday and live the best life I can. My dreams shouldn’t have to be put on hold, I already lost so much time in my life because of this I don’t want to waste another minute. I live for everyone we lost, and for that I’ll live my life to the fullest. But for now, I look forward to a trip to Florida that is going to be hard yet much needed to see loved ones.
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The past few weeks have been the hardest...



The emails have overflowed in asking for an update and today I finally have time time and energy to type out everything that’s been going on.



The last few weeks have been the hardest based on how many doctors appointments I’ve had, back and fourth from Pittsburgh trying to get answer and moving has been a disaster. I haven’t had not one day that was just to relax. Every single day involves an appointment of some type and everyday I come across a new challenge I have to learn to push through in a way that benefits me.



The last few weeks have been the hardest as I’ve tried to make plans to catch a plane to see my grandfather who was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer that has spread throughout his body including his brain.
Wow....saying that in my head and typing it out made my heart nearly stop. I literally can’t loose him. If anybody knows my grandfather they know that he is the absolute most amazing man to ever walk this planet. He walks with god and he’s just the most selfless man he doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t.



The last few weeks have been the hardest trying to find the confidence to even go out with my friends or the most nerve racking thing to me right now is the thought of even trying on a wedding dress.. the thought of someone seeing all my scars and having to be burdened with trying to help me get into one makes my stomach turn, truly it does. The last few weeks I’ve learnt that I need more help than I thought I would and I need more help than I have the confidence to even ask for. I’ve always been a very independent person and this is hard for me. It’s hard to ask for help from people that you use to bend over backwards to help before.



The last few weeks have been the hardest-
The night terrors are real and they don’t stop. The feeling I get in a crowded room is real and it won’t stop. The anxiety I get when I see someone that looks even relatively like the man who shot me is real and it will never stop. I dream that night every night. I live it over and over again and I go through the thought of, what could I have done to stop it? Why did I not see the “red flags” everyone keeps asking me about but I still say, there wasn’t any, he was my friend and I never saw a red flag and if I had, I would have tried to get him the help he needed. Nobody understands that. They think I should just hate him and while I do, I don’t because nobody should have to deal with whatever he was within his own head. Yet, being in a crowded room makes me sick to the stomach... thinking about it makes my palms sweaty to the touch. You look around every room and wonder “does someone in here have a gun” does that person who does have a condition that maybe they shouldn’t be carrying one; does someone in this room have a gun and can look me dead in the eyes and hold it to my chest and shoot me like he did then walk away like I’m nothing. Like I deserved it. I didn’t. I don’t. I don’t deserve to live like this. I’m a good person and I know it and I’m having the hardest time accepting this new life as much as I make it seem like I’m fine and everything is fine it isn’t. This isn’t fair. I shouldn’t wake up every night with that feeling I got in my chest after being shot. The pain and the almost numbness I felt.



The last few weeks have been the hardest...
I’ve told my story to many people lately and every time it gets harder and I’m so tired of people looking at me like I should’ve known but nobody will ever know just how normal that night was up until that point and when I heard the bartender say something about a gun, I didn’t hesitate for a split second to walk over to him. Here’s part of that night that everybody wants to know, where the reports are wrong as many times as I told the reporters or police- they somehow still seem to twist my words but I know I told them what happened and have proof of it as well. I wasn’t on the same side of the bar as him. There was absolutely no feud between us when the gun was pulled. I never even saw him pull it, it was already out before I heard the bartender say something where I then grabbed his jacket, walked around the whole bar, and said “come on Jordan I’ll drive you home” feeling completely safe doing so; I trusted him. That when I reached my arm out and he put the gun to my chest and pulled that trigger. I didn’t fall right away. I was still standing as I was the first to call 911. I’d love to thank that dispatcher for trying his hardest to keep me calm after watching a life be taken right next to me. What people don’t know is the second I fell, I reached over and held the lifeless hand of Dean and felt for his pulse. I knew he was gone that very second. Being in the medical field I didn’t think about myself for one second in that moment. I knew I wasn’t going to feel a pulse but what if I had, would things be different? I wasn’t able to move, my legs wouldn’t move but I wanted to help him so bad, and it wasn’t until over a week after the incident that I learnt other lives were taken that night. I remember being at the hospital hearing “second gun shot victim coming in” and I never thought about there being other people considering I only ever heard two gunshots. Mine, and deans. And when I say Dean I wish I knew him. Friends of his family ask me often if I knew him and his son, god he must have been an amazing man. Everyone wants to know if I had talked to him that night, and I didn’t. Just a simple smile across the bar.

There’s so much more I could tell but my heart is already pounding. Thank you again to everyone who follows and knows how hard this time is and always will be for me.
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Being back in the hospital isn’t what I thought it would be...



When arriving to the emergency room yesterday I could feel my heart beating out of my chest. Those words saying “we’re going to have to admit you” cut deep and sudden I realized, this is what it’s going to be like. In and out of hospitals. Back and forth to doctors visits and the therapy and everything in between.



While I was laying here last night I found almost a sense of comfort. The second I was admitted and they took me to a floor I was thinking, this looks familiar. Coincidentally enough, I was put back on the floor and even the exact room I had most of my recovery in. As we rounded the corner I heard a voice day “what are you doing back here.” I was so relieved to see my favorite overnight nurse. It hasn’t even been 24 hours and I’ve seen so many of the faces that helped me get to where I am. The surgeon that saved my life, the doctors who treated me, and the amazing nurses on this floor.



It’s the nurses who deserve the most credit. On Saturday when at my local hospital a nurse who had never even seen me knew I was terrified as they inserted an IV into my neck, held my hand and didn’t let go. Then yesterday a nurse who did known me here in Pittsburgh, knew just what to say to help me relax.



It’s the nurses who deserve the most credit. They were the ones who believed in me that I’d walk again, and this morning even in pain, I walked down the hall to show them just how far I’ve come. This little setback won’t define me.



It’s the nurses who deserve the most credit. While I see faces I had almost forgot I’m so glad I’ve had the opportunity to see some of them again and remember all the things they’ve done. Like the one who washed my hair for the first time sense coming. And the nurse I never even had but last night said to me “I know you don’t know me but I’m the one who found the nail files while you were here before” and lord knows if you know me, my nails that are usually perfect were a MESS after two months.



It’s the nurses who deserve the credit. They’re a shoulder to lean on when you’re alone in a cold room waiting on a test or results. They show you love and affection as if you were their own family. And for that I’m so grateful.
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$17,790 of $20,000 goal

Raised by 384 people in 6 months
Created January 26, 2019
Fundraising Team
on behalf of Nicole Abrino
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