Self-help gone wrong/surrendering
Donation protected
Hello, my name is Pam and I am freaking out right now, because every other time I have been here, it was to contribute to a worthy cause. This time, however, it seems that the cause is me, although my worthiness is not up to me.
First, some information about me. I'm not totally sure how to do this or what you might want to know, but here goes. I am 66 years old. I have some disabilities, both physical and mental. I won't bother you with all my physical problems, except for what limits my life. Even though I am not diabetic, I have severe neuropathy in my feet, which makes walking difficult without special shoes, which I cannot afford, and because of other issues, I cannot expose myself to the sun, which has lead to osteopenia, which means my bones are starting to dissolve. Because of my age and not being able to get around much, I also am fighting venous insufficiency in my legs, which keeps them and my feet swollen. I tell you all this only because it explains, along with my agoraphobia, anxiety issues and bipolar disease, why getting even a part-time job, especially in a tiny rural town, is pretty much impossible. I am on Social Security, but is it not a lot. I had a nervous breakdown about 7 years ago, then lost my mom, my home, everything. My wonderful brother and his wife took me in, and believing I would never be on my own again, I sold most of my household goods.
After 3 years, it became obvious that me being there was becoming a strain on their privacy, and with him now battling prostate cancer, I knew it was time to go. I got myself into the low income housing system, and finally secured a place in a complex for seniors near him. When I lost everything, it involved a bankruptcy, and while living with my brother, I was paying him rent, and was paying for storage, my car payment, insurance, etc. so no opportunity to save. So now I needed to replace some household items. Nothing big. I didn't replace my dining table, washer and dryer, don't even have a vacuum cleaner. And now, I am paying more rent, plus utilities, renters insurance, etc. plus, at my brothers house, I only had to worry about getting myself breakfast and lunch. They furnished dinner, and since my breakfast and lunch was usually yogurt and ramen noodles, it was doable.
About this time, I am told by my doctor that I need to start eating more healthy, meaning more fresh fruit and vegetables, less processed food, etc, which meant no more cheap stuff like ramen, rice-a-roni and mac and cheese. So in the fight now against a vitamin B deficiency and high cholesterol, I had to suppliment my income by using my credit cards for the household goods, co-pays and my healthier diet. I knew doing this could become a problem, but didn't know what else to do. So now it has snowballed because of increased doctor visits, more medications, new suppliments for various things, etc. I am not a spendthrift. I don't even remember how long it's been since I had fast food. I have basic TV service, no computer, dsl or wifi, the cheapest phone I could buy, my car is 15 years old, and my wardrobe is not stylishly current. My life is very Spartan.
I have applied for food stamps, but as I am alone, that is $15 a month.
I need desparately to get out from under this debt. I have been living close to the bone for so long, I can't remember not. But now, especially with this summer being really bad, and my thermostat is on 85, I am not going to be able to pay everything. Because of the bankruptcy, my age, lack of employment and debt ratio, I cannot get a loan, credit consolidation seems to be a ripoff, and I don't want to cheat my creditors...I have explored all possibilities..and this is where I am now.
I have done MANY models to solve this problem. My total debt is considerable, but I have decided that if I can raise $2500, I can pay off a couple debts completely and make a dent in the others which will allow me to then continually reduce those over time since I would no longer use them, and would leave me almost $100 a month for food, meds and gas. Still very close to the bone, but if it means climbing out of the hole, so be it. Once I am debt free, I can be secure and manage on what income I have.
I have sold pretty much all my possessions that are worth anything, and continue with what little there still is, so I am still trying to raise money that way, too, but don't expect much. No good jewelry, the clothes I have, although are nice, and some hardly worn, they are not stylish now. I have some comics from the 80s, but the good ones are pretty much gone now. I am even growing avocado seeds to sell from the small avos I eat for my cholesterol..so I am trying. I am even looking into crafts..but that takes money. I shop cheap, buying day old bread, marked down meat and produce, store brands, etc.
So now I am in your hands. I want to again be that lady that contributes, rather than be a burden. I have been told that because of my age, I am now irrelavent to society. I don't want to believe that's true. I want to be financially, physically and mentally healthy again. Getting off this hamster wheel, I could maybe get those shoes, get back to being able to breathe again, and maybe expand my world back out a little bit. If you need more info about me, I am on Facebook, Pam Wellner...not the famous scientist..the other one and you can message me if you like. My stupid pride got me into this, I know, but now, next month, there will not be enough to pay all the bills, and none for food and meds. I am absolutely terrified right now, but I also have faith and hope.
Thank you so very much for your time, have a wonderful day.
First, some information about me. I'm not totally sure how to do this or what you might want to know, but here goes. I am 66 years old. I have some disabilities, both physical and mental. I won't bother you with all my physical problems, except for what limits my life. Even though I am not diabetic, I have severe neuropathy in my feet, which makes walking difficult without special shoes, which I cannot afford, and because of other issues, I cannot expose myself to the sun, which has lead to osteopenia, which means my bones are starting to dissolve. Because of my age and not being able to get around much, I also am fighting venous insufficiency in my legs, which keeps them and my feet swollen. I tell you all this only because it explains, along with my agoraphobia, anxiety issues and bipolar disease, why getting even a part-time job, especially in a tiny rural town, is pretty much impossible. I am on Social Security, but is it not a lot. I had a nervous breakdown about 7 years ago, then lost my mom, my home, everything. My wonderful brother and his wife took me in, and believing I would never be on my own again, I sold most of my household goods.
After 3 years, it became obvious that me being there was becoming a strain on their privacy, and with him now battling prostate cancer, I knew it was time to go. I got myself into the low income housing system, and finally secured a place in a complex for seniors near him. When I lost everything, it involved a bankruptcy, and while living with my brother, I was paying him rent, and was paying for storage, my car payment, insurance, etc. so no opportunity to save. So now I needed to replace some household items. Nothing big. I didn't replace my dining table, washer and dryer, don't even have a vacuum cleaner. And now, I am paying more rent, plus utilities, renters insurance, etc. plus, at my brothers house, I only had to worry about getting myself breakfast and lunch. They furnished dinner, and since my breakfast and lunch was usually yogurt and ramen noodles, it was doable.
About this time, I am told by my doctor that I need to start eating more healthy, meaning more fresh fruit and vegetables, less processed food, etc, which meant no more cheap stuff like ramen, rice-a-roni and mac and cheese. So in the fight now against a vitamin B deficiency and high cholesterol, I had to suppliment my income by using my credit cards for the household goods, co-pays and my healthier diet. I knew doing this could become a problem, but didn't know what else to do. So now it has snowballed because of increased doctor visits, more medications, new suppliments for various things, etc. I am not a spendthrift. I don't even remember how long it's been since I had fast food. I have basic TV service, no computer, dsl or wifi, the cheapest phone I could buy, my car is 15 years old, and my wardrobe is not stylishly current. My life is very Spartan.
I have applied for food stamps, but as I am alone, that is $15 a month.
I need desparately to get out from under this debt. I have been living close to the bone for so long, I can't remember not. But now, especially with this summer being really bad, and my thermostat is on 85, I am not going to be able to pay everything. Because of the bankruptcy, my age, lack of employment and debt ratio, I cannot get a loan, credit consolidation seems to be a ripoff, and I don't want to cheat my creditors...I have explored all possibilities..and this is where I am now.
I have done MANY models to solve this problem. My total debt is considerable, but I have decided that if I can raise $2500, I can pay off a couple debts completely and make a dent in the others which will allow me to then continually reduce those over time since I would no longer use them, and would leave me almost $100 a month for food, meds and gas. Still very close to the bone, but if it means climbing out of the hole, so be it. Once I am debt free, I can be secure and manage on what income I have.
I have sold pretty much all my possessions that are worth anything, and continue with what little there still is, so I am still trying to raise money that way, too, but don't expect much. No good jewelry, the clothes I have, although are nice, and some hardly worn, they are not stylish now. I have some comics from the 80s, but the good ones are pretty much gone now. I am even growing avocado seeds to sell from the small avos I eat for my cholesterol..so I am trying. I am even looking into crafts..but that takes money. I shop cheap, buying day old bread, marked down meat and produce, store brands, etc.
So now I am in your hands. I want to again be that lady that contributes, rather than be a burden. I have been told that because of my age, I am now irrelavent to society. I don't want to believe that's true. I want to be financially, physically and mentally healthy again. Getting off this hamster wheel, I could maybe get those shoes, get back to being able to breathe again, and maybe expand my world back out a little bit. If you need more info about me, I am on Facebook, Pam Wellner...not the famous scientist..the other one and you can message me if you like. My stupid pride got me into this, I know, but now, next month, there will not be enough to pay all the bills, and none for food and meds. I am absolutely terrified right now, but I also have faith and hope.
Thank you so very much for your time, have a wonderful day.
Organizer
Pam Wellner
Organizer
Springtown, TX