Running through darkness
Donation protected
I have always had depression. I have always been a runner. But in the last two months, I have had two suicide attempts. Running has been my passion and I want to take that passion and produce some good in the world. Every donation will be utilized to set up local 5k races to raise suicide awareness and any left-over money will be donated directly to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (https://afsp.org/). Below you will find an open letter of my journey.
"Standing on the ledge, peering out into the river I slowly lift my foot up and then slowly put it back down. My mind says jump but my body says stop! I feel cold and numb to the world.
My life was spinning wildly out of control, but I clung to any bits of hope that were left. After the incident at the bridge, I decided to finally get help.
Getting help meant acknowledging that my mental health was slipping, and this was not easy. But after speaking with professionals, it was clear that I needed to turn to the things that have made me happy in life. This is when my running became more than just a fitness routine.
I have never thought about the ‘why’ behind my running, I just ran. It was something that I did out of habit to escape from the stresses of life. But during the dark times, I lost all interest in running. My one escape turned into a daunting chore that brought me down rather than lifting me up. But recently I started to focus and reflect upon the ‘why’ behind my running. After long hours and many miles, I came to the realization that I run for my mental health, I run to keep the darkness at bay. Running has taken on a new meaning since then. I now run with the mindset of enjoying each and every foot strike, each and every breath, and each and every mile.
ultimately, I run to be there for my family. I run so I can be an awesome dad to my future kids. I run so that I can live my life. I run because in the end, it makes me happy. I now have a new outlook on life and on running. An outlook that is filled with hope and positivity and while I may not be fully recovered, I am on the right path.
On each run, I remember to focus on my breathing, realizing that every breath I have is a gift and every run is a joy. I smile at each passing mile marker. I have a new focus on life which I owe to redefining my love for running. And in January, I look forward to running the Houston Marathon and dedicating my miles to mental health awareness."
"Standing on the ledge, peering out into the river I slowly lift my foot up and then slowly put it back down. My mind says jump but my body says stop! I feel cold and numb to the world.
My life was spinning wildly out of control, but I clung to any bits of hope that were left. After the incident at the bridge, I decided to finally get help.
Getting help meant acknowledging that my mental health was slipping, and this was not easy. But after speaking with professionals, it was clear that I needed to turn to the things that have made me happy in life. This is when my running became more than just a fitness routine.
I have never thought about the ‘why’ behind my running, I just ran. It was something that I did out of habit to escape from the stresses of life. But during the dark times, I lost all interest in running. My one escape turned into a daunting chore that brought me down rather than lifting me up. But recently I started to focus and reflect upon the ‘why’ behind my running. After long hours and many miles, I came to the realization that I run for my mental health, I run to keep the darkness at bay. Running has taken on a new meaning since then. I now run with the mindset of enjoying each and every foot strike, each and every breath, and each and every mile.
ultimately, I run to be there for my family. I run so I can be an awesome dad to my future kids. I run so that I can live my life. I run because in the end, it makes me happy. I now have a new outlook on life and on running. An outlook that is filled with hope and positivity and while I may not be fully recovered, I am on the right path.
On each run, I remember to focus on my breathing, realizing that every breath I have is a gift and every run is a joy. I smile at each passing mile marker. I have a new focus on life which I owe to redefining my love for running. And in January, I look forward to running the Houston Marathon and dedicating my miles to mental health awareness."
Organizer
Joseph Hengoed
Organizer
Independence, OH