Please help me make a better life
Donation protected
My name is Joyell, 32 years old and I've been battling with depression for over a year and a half now. I'm not one to ever ask for money and I'm usually the one to spend on others but my depression has made me lose my great job of 10 years, stay bed ridden for about 8 months and fear friends and family all the while spending loads of money on an ex I had a hard time getting over. I've been told I have too kind of a heart and sometimes I wish I could be better at saying no.
Last year January 2016 I lost my job by not showing up after having crying spells and feeling embarrassed. I rented the place I was staying at for 8 more months(while being mostly bed ridden until September) until the people I lived with needed more room for their growing family. I didn't have the money or the will to do much else but that's when I started getting help and my Aunt said I could stay with her while I received help.
They haven't really diagnosed me with anything besides severe depression. Although at one point they thought I could have borderline personality disorder but then the next they were unsure. I've always had issues emotionally, since I was a baby.
My problem is that I cry easily embarrassing myself in the process. It's how I lost my job, why it's hard to talk to new people and it's why I'm scared to attend a job interview. It's very hard for me to believe there is anything good about me but that's just the depression talking. I've started healing by attending therapy and taking medications but I just received some devastating news that has kind of backtracked me.
I've been living with family since last year September. They've been wonderful to me but they've given me 4 weeks before I have to be gone. My Aunt and cousin have given up on me just when I was starting to feel better. It's hard to understand depression though and especially to understand what I'm going through. I barely understand.
Now I did sign up for disability benefits but recently was declined because depression is a very hard reason to receive benefits for. Now most of the time this past year I'd lay thinking the world would be better off without me and I've been suicidal, even hospitalized. But most recently I want to live, experience life and anywhere but here.
I've lived in Michigan my whole life but the picture up top is of a trip I took last year in April(for a few weeks). I went out West and was the happiest and most active I had been all year. I love mountains more than anything. I want a new life. I don't have any close family anymore (quite a bit of loss in my life) and I'm ready to become renewed having hikes in or around the mountains every week.
I don't need to reach the goal but any little bit would help immensely. I plan on renting out an airbnb private room for a few months while I search for a job. I'm not sure the location yet but Montana or Colorado are prime candidates. I do still have a car payment and insurance I've been paying each month. But I only have $200 left in my bank account and that's not enough to move away and that's after draining my 401K that I was never supposed to touch. I was also supposed to be able to stay here for up to a year but now I have just 4 weeks.
There are so many others with so much worse going on in their life so please don't make me your first choice. But if you have a little extra to share I feel like I could start to feel even more happier and loving for what this world has to offer. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story and thank you for any support. You have no idea how hard, embarrassing and scary this was for me but I don't have many other choices right now. Thank you.
Last year January 2016 I lost my job by not showing up after having crying spells and feeling embarrassed. I rented the place I was staying at for 8 more months(while being mostly bed ridden until September) until the people I lived with needed more room for their growing family. I didn't have the money or the will to do much else but that's when I started getting help and my Aunt said I could stay with her while I received help.
They haven't really diagnosed me with anything besides severe depression. Although at one point they thought I could have borderline personality disorder but then the next they were unsure. I've always had issues emotionally, since I was a baby.
My problem is that I cry easily embarrassing myself in the process. It's how I lost my job, why it's hard to talk to new people and it's why I'm scared to attend a job interview. It's very hard for me to believe there is anything good about me but that's just the depression talking. I've started healing by attending therapy and taking medications but I just received some devastating news that has kind of backtracked me.
I've been living with family since last year September. They've been wonderful to me but they've given me 4 weeks before I have to be gone. My Aunt and cousin have given up on me just when I was starting to feel better. It's hard to understand depression though and especially to understand what I'm going through. I barely understand.
Now I did sign up for disability benefits but recently was declined because depression is a very hard reason to receive benefits for. Now most of the time this past year I'd lay thinking the world would be better off without me and I've been suicidal, even hospitalized. But most recently I want to live, experience life and anywhere but here.
I've lived in Michigan my whole life but the picture up top is of a trip I took last year in April(for a few weeks). I went out West and was the happiest and most active I had been all year. I love mountains more than anything. I want a new life. I don't have any close family anymore (quite a bit of loss in my life) and I'm ready to become renewed having hikes in or around the mountains every week.
I don't need to reach the goal but any little bit would help immensely. I plan on renting out an airbnb private room for a few months while I search for a job. I'm not sure the location yet but Montana or Colorado are prime candidates. I do still have a car payment and insurance I've been paying each month. But I only have $200 left in my bank account and that's not enough to move away and that's after draining my 401K that I was never supposed to touch. I was also supposed to be able to stay here for up to a year but now I have just 4 weeks.
There are so many others with so much worse going on in their life so please don't make me your first choice. But if you have a little extra to share I feel like I could start to feel even more happier and loving for what this world has to offer. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story and thank you for any support. You have no idea how hard, embarrassing and scary this was for me but I don't have many other choices right now. Thank you.
Organizer
Joyell Groenewoud
Organizer
Holland, MI
