New Phone for Narrated Editor

The simple pitch is, if I've ever made you laugh, please consider donating a few dollars for a new phone. 

I am the voice behind a number of parody accounts on Twitter:

@NarratedPOTUS 
@NarratedCoyne
@CrankyKady
@DistilledJeet

I've also tried two unsuccessful Paul Wells parody accounts. The man is hard to pin down, you guys.

Anyway, I've been doing this for five years, and I immensely enjoy the weird joy and rush of interactions that come from making people laugh. 

Yesterday my Nexux 5X bricked spontaneously. It's no longer under warranty. I'll need to replace it in the next few days, as I use it very heavily every day. If at all possible, I'd like to get something top-of-the line, like an iPhone 7 or a Pixel.

I work in IT mobile development, and I support a family on a single income. And I spend all day monitoring Twitter in case The President of the United States tweets something absurd.  So my phone is obviously an essential part of my life.

I'd be immensely grateful for any help that could be provided. I have a bunch of other ideas that I just don't have time for right now. If i get enough money to quit my job I will

a) Spend more time on @DistilledJeet, which is very difficult to do but I think has a lot more potential
b) Create more parody accounts. I have ideas for Colby Cosh, Piers Morgan, Sean Spicer and a bunch more. 
c) Move to Manhattan, hang out in fancy bars pitching parody account ideas to Wall Street financiers

If some media company wants to buy me out, I will gladly tweet under your brand. Hello BuzzFeed, hit me up.

Thanks for reading.