Moving Towards a Better Life
Hello, and thank you for taking the time to read this post! I can't really say I've been much of one for introductions, but telling a story is something I can definitely do.
The story:
Throughout most of my childhood things were alright; I was born as a "miracle baby" after a complicated pregnancy to loving parents, my mother being especially protective of her only son while my father... Well, he never quite had his priorities straight, and as a result my mother left him when I was eight years old, though never formally divorcing him. I never quite understood why as a child, though my mom did her best to reassure me that none of it was my fault. As I grew and matured through my teens the truth gradually came to me in the form of conflicting viewpoints and opinions from both of my parents, never quite sure who to believe.
Now that I'm just two days away from being 22 years old as of the time of posting, though, I know and have known who to believe after living with my dad almost exclusively for the past six years after being bought and bribed into doing so as a teenager... And boy, what tumultuous last few years they have been.
Within that time I came out as bisexual (later discovering the concept of pansexuality and identifying as such since) to my parents. My mother was 100% accepting of me and it served to be a much-needed reparation to our relationship and we've remained close ever since, but things were quite a bit more difficult when it came to my father. He was in denial of my romantic attractions and tried on multiple occasions to convince me otherwise; telling me that I was purely straight, that I wasn't allowed to have any interest in the same sex... And so I never ended up dating anybody of either sex as a teenager, afraid of disappointing my dad or invoking his anger, but also unwilling to betray who I know I was on the inside by dating exclusively the opposite sex. I also began my struggle with depression as a young adult, my mother always understanding of it, but my father constantly misunderstanding and seeming to take personal offense to my lack of ambition and drive that depression caused.
He isn't necessarily a bad person and hasn't always been this way, but our relationship has only become more and more toxic over the last few years as he's aged and became increasingly negative and bitter. Whenever we've tried to work out our differences truthfully and civilly, he has either:
Became offended and angry over what I have to say, leading to hostile outbursts and unwanted speeches, sometimes escalating to yelling matches that lead to mental breakdowns and being afraid to confront him for days on end.
Interrupting and generally not listening to a thing I have to say, instead interjecting his own thoughts over mine and making the situation about himself.
Flat-out ignored me after a certain point, presumably after I'd hurt his feelings just the same as he's hurt mine over the years, turning his head away or leaving the house to otherwise occupy himself and pretend the problem doesn't exist.
These kind of reactions only created a vicious cycle of depression, stress, and anxiety for me over the years that have served to deteriorate my mental and emotional health. I stayed in bed for days at a time and barely wanted to take care of myself, even things as simple as eating and bathing became impossible at times. It wasn't long before the mental and emotional began to affect my physical well-being, too. A dull but consistent abdominal pain popped up out of the blue last March, prompting a trip to the ER followed by a good deal of other expensive tests and scans throughout the next year. Doctors never could give me an answer or solution and I thought I dying of who-knows-what until a close, trusted friend who had gone through exactly the same thing provided an answer: stress-induced GERD. A few months ago my right eye developed floaters thanks to stress and its effects on my body just the same.
I've been able to stay afloat thanks to the support of my friends and mother, but I simply cannot keep going on like this. My father only seems to care about my basic physical needs; food and a roof over my head. He's barely receptive to my mental or emotional health. It kind of hurts to have to admit all of these things, seeing as though my dad and I were once pretty close - and who knows, maybe time away from each other is what we need to fix our relationship. The matter of fact, though, is that I need to get out of this house and away from my dad for the sake of my own health and well-being.
The Solution:
Luckily, I have an out. My long-distance boyfriend and absolute love of my life recently got the house to himself after his parents moved into a new one. He's been my biggest source of support and the best thing keeping me sane while dealing with my dad and we want nothing more than to be happy together, which of course includes escaping my toxic living arrangements. He's my age, has a steady job, and is ready for me to make the move to the next state over... And that, of course, requires money.
I've never had a steady income, unfortunately. After my job applications were rejected by places I had applied to for having no prior experience (no thanks to the paradox of needing job experience for a resume, but not being able to get a first job to begin with due to no experience) I decided to use my knowledge of English to become a freelance editor. However, not only has business been kind of stagnant as I've been unable to fully get myself and my services out there, depression has not helped my productivity, and as such contributed to losing my primary client just after the move became a plausible solution, which in and of itself was rather sudden.
As such the money I have managed to save would barely cover the deposit on a U-Haul truck. Both my boyfriend and parents have said they're more than willing to help pay, but the last thing I want to be is a burden on my lover or my mom... And frankly, I don't know how reliable my dad would be for any kind of help with how things have been going between us.
And so, I've created this GoFundMe for help.
The Plan & Funding Breakdown
My boyfriend has taken the last full week of September (Sept. 22-28) off of work to help me move and get settled in, and a few cousins and good friends will be assisting me in the packing, travel, and unpacking process. My mom has been kind enough to let me and my mate have whatever we'd need from her old storage unit - not only to help us out, but also to spare her from continuing to pay an exorbitant $136/mo for said unit. All that remains is the time, effort, and money; time and effort I can afford to spend, and money... Well, that's where the generosity of this wonderful community comes into play!
$2000 is the absolute maximum I feel I'd need to make the move itself. The rough cost breakdown would follow:
Up to $150 for the down-payment and reservation of a U-Haul truck.
Up to $700 for the truck itself and the distance it's being driven over three days.
Up to $300 for gas during the nine-hour trip, varying with location.
Up to $300 for paying tolls along the way; bigger vehicles pay bigger tolls, after all.
Up to $100 for food, snacks, and coffee during the trip.
Up to $200 for my friend to get a bus back to our hometown.
Up to $250 to cover emergencies or other unforeseen incidents.
Any extra funds would serve to pay off old medical bills and act as a safety cushion to support both myself and my mate.
That said, though, the funds would be needed within the next two weeks, with enough time allotted to allow transfer to the bank; roughly 2-5 business days.
This is quite a tight time frame, unfortunately, but this seems to be the only opportunity both my mate and I would have to make this work. He was required to use his remaining vacations days before the 28th, and otherwise we'd be able to be together before his parents (Whose name the house is still in) decide to undergo some renovations, of which I can assist them with. Waiting any longer could result in needing to wait another year, and I can't even bear to think of what could happen within that time were I to remain with my dad.
In Conclusion:
With your help I would be able to make a major change in my life for the better! Not only would I be able to improve my mental, emotional, and physical health by getting away from the negative situation with my dad, but I'd finally be able to start a life with the one I love after two years of being apart. I'm ready to start the next, hopeful chapter in my life after a few chapters of uncertainty and melancholy, and with your help that can happen.
And finally, thank you sincerely for the consideration, support, and efforts to share. Words can't even express how much it will mean to both myself and my boyfriend to finally begin a new life together.
The story:
Throughout most of my childhood things were alright; I was born as a "miracle baby" after a complicated pregnancy to loving parents, my mother being especially protective of her only son while my father... Well, he never quite had his priorities straight, and as a result my mother left him when I was eight years old, though never formally divorcing him. I never quite understood why as a child, though my mom did her best to reassure me that none of it was my fault. As I grew and matured through my teens the truth gradually came to me in the form of conflicting viewpoints and opinions from both of my parents, never quite sure who to believe.
Now that I'm just two days away from being 22 years old as of the time of posting, though, I know and have known who to believe after living with my dad almost exclusively for the past six years after being bought and bribed into doing so as a teenager... And boy, what tumultuous last few years they have been.
Within that time I came out as bisexual (later discovering the concept of pansexuality and identifying as such since) to my parents. My mother was 100% accepting of me and it served to be a much-needed reparation to our relationship and we've remained close ever since, but things were quite a bit more difficult when it came to my father. He was in denial of my romantic attractions and tried on multiple occasions to convince me otherwise; telling me that I was purely straight, that I wasn't allowed to have any interest in the same sex... And so I never ended up dating anybody of either sex as a teenager, afraid of disappointing my dad or invoking his anger, but also unwilling to betray who I know I was on the inside by dating exclusively the opposite sex. I also began my struggle with depression as a young adult, my mother always understanding of it, but my father constantly misunderstanding and seeming to take personal offense to my lack of ambition and drive that depression caused.
He isn't necessarily a bad person and hasn't always been this way, but our relationship has only become more and more toxic over the last few years as he's aged and became increasingly negative and bitter. Whenever we've tried to work out our differences truthfully and civilly, he has either:
Became offended and angry over what I have to say, leading to hostile outbursts and unwanted speeches, sometimes escalating to yelling matches that lead to mental breakdowns and being afraid to confront him for days on end.
Interrupting and generally not listening to a thing I have to say, instead interjecting his own thoughts over mine and making the situation about himself.
Flat-out ignored me after a certain point, presumably after I'd hurt his feelings just the same as he's hurt mine over the years, turning his head away or leaving the house to otherwise occupy himself and pretend the problem doesn't exist.
These kind of reactions only created a vicious cycle of depression, stress, and anxiety for me over the years that have served to deteriorate my mental and emotional health. I stayed in bed for days at a time and barely wanted to take care of myself, even things as simple as eating and bathing became impossible at times. It wasn't long before the mental and emotional began to affect my physical well-being, too. A dull but consistent abdominal pain popped up out of the blue last March, prompting a trip to the ER followed by a good deal of other expensive tests and scans throughout the next year. Doctors never could give me an answer or solution and I thought I dying of who-knows-what until a close, trusted friend who had gone through exactly the same thing provided an answer: stress-induced GERD. A few months ago my right eye developed floaters thanks to stress and its effects on my body just the same.
I've been able to stay afloat thanks to the support of my friends and mother, but I simply cannot keep going on like this. My father only seems to care about my basic physical needs; food and a roof over my head. He's barely receptive to my mental or emotional health. It kind of hurts to have to admit all of these things, seeing as though my dad and I were once pretty close - and who knows, maybe time away from each other is what we need to fix our relationship. The matter of fact, though, is that I need to get out of this house and away from my dad for the sake of my own health and well-being.
The Solution:
Luckily, I have an out. My long-distance boyfriend and absolute love of my life recently got the house to himself after his parents moved into a new one. He's been my biggest source of support and the best thing keeping me sane while dealing with my dad and we want nothing more than to be happy together, which of course includes escaping my toxic living arrangements. He's my age, has a steady job, and is ready for me to make the move to the next state over... And that, of course, requires money.
I've never had a steady income, unfortunately. After my job applications were rejected by places I had applied to for having no prior experience (no thanks to the paradox of needing job experience for a resume, but not being able to get a first job to begin with due to no experience) I decided to use my knowledge of English to become a freelance editor. However, not only has business been kind of stagnant as I've been unable to fully get myself and my services out there, depression has not helped my productivity, and as such contributed to losing my primary client just after the move became a plausible solution, which in and of itself was rather sudden.
As such the money I have managed to save would barely cover the deposit on a U-Haul truck. Both my boyfriend and parents have said they're more than willing to help pay, but the last thing I want to be is a burden on my lover or my mom... And frankly, I don't know how reliable my dad would be for any kind of help with how things have been going between us.
And so, I've created this GoFundMe for help.
The Plan & Funding Breakdown
My boyfriend has taken the last full week of September (Sept. 22-28) off of work to help me move and get settled in, and a few cousins and good friends will be assisting me in the packing, travel, and unpacking process. My mom has been kind enough to let me and my mate have whatever we'd need from her old storage unit - not only to help us out, but also to spare her from continuing to pay an exorbitant $136/mo for said unit. All that remains is the time, effort, and money; time and effort I can afford to spend, and money... Well, that's where the generosity of this wonderful community comes into play!
$2000 is the absolute maximum I feel I'd need to make the move itself. The rough cost breakdown would follow:
Up to $150 for the down-payment and reservation of a U-Haul truck.
Up to $700 for the truck itself and the distance it's being driven over three days.
Up to $300 for gas during the nine-hour trip, varying with location.
Up to $300 for paying tolls along the way; bigger vehicles pay bigger tolls, after all.
Up to $100 for food, snacks, and coffee during the trip.
Up to $200 for my friend to get a bus back to our hometown.
Up to $250 to cover emergencies or other unforeseen incidents.
Any extra funds would serve to pay off old medical bills and act as a safety cushion to support both myself and my mate.
That said, though, the funds would be needed within the next two weeks, with enough time allotted to allow transfer to the bank; roughly 2-5 business days.
This is quite a tight time frame, unfortunately, but this seems to be the only opportunity both my mate and I would have to make this work. He was required to use his remaining vacations days before the 28th, and otherwise we'd be able to be together before his parents (Whose name the house is still in) decide to undergo some renovations, of which I can assist them with. Waiting any longer could result in needing to wait another year, and I can't even bear to think of what could happen within that time were I to remain with my dad.
In Conclusion:
With your help I would be able to make a major change in my life for the better! Not only would I be able to improve my mental, emotional, and physical health by getting away from the negative situation with my dad, but I'd finally be able to start a life with the one I love after two years of being apart. I'm ready to start the next, hopeful chapter in my life after a few chapters of uncertainty and melancholy, and with your help that can happen.
And finally, thank you sincerely for the consideration, support, and efforts to share. Words can't even express how much it will mean to both myself and my boyfriend to finally begin a new life together.
Organizer
Michael Chizmar
Organizer
Youngstown, OH