Larkin's Legacy

My name is Tina Rose and on October 7, 2015 our lives were completely shattered when our daughter passed away after birth after being induced @ 42weeks (post term).

For the last three months I have struggled with not only the loss of our daughter, but the loss of all our hopes and dreams for the future...for her future and our future with her. The emotions that surround the loss of a child are so complex and painful and include depression, anxiety, fear, regret, shame, anger and much much more.

On of the recurring emotions I suffer from is guilt. Why didn't I know something was wrong during labor? Why couldn't I protect my daughter from this tragic outcome? Why did I fail her (and my husband, my mother, our families)??? This kind of guilt will eat you up. It can haunt every minute of your life after loss, if you let it.

Like so many other mommies that have lost a child, I needed (and still do) to hear that what happened was not my fault.

A few days ago when I was having a particular bad day, struggling with guilt and regret, I went to one of my online forums for loss moms and wrote about it. The outpouring of support from other mommas was amazing. Over and over I read, this was not your fault momma. You did everything you could to provide the best outcome for your baby. You loved her, would have died for her, and THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. 

Then someone sent me the link to the book You Are The Mother Of All Mothers, by Angela Miller.  Angela Miller is a writer, survivor, and grief advocate who provides support and solace to those who are grieving the loss of a child.  Her writing and her book have been featured in Forbes, Psychology Today, MPR, BlogTalk Radio, Open to Hope Radio, and Writerly, among other publications.

An excerpt from her book:
"This was not your fault. This will never be your fault, no matter how many different ways someone tries to tell you it was.

Especially if that someone happens to be you. Sometimes it’s not what others are saying that keeps you shackled in shame. Sometimes you adopt others’ misguided opinions and assumptions. Sometimes it’s your own inner voice that shoves you into the darkest corner of despair, like an abuser, telling you over and over and over again you failed as a mother. Convincing you if only this and what if that, it never would have happened. Saying you coulda, shoulda done this or that so your child would not have died.

That is a lie of the sickest kind. Do not believe it, not even for a second. Do not let it sink into your bones. Do not let it smother that beautiful, beautiful light of yours.

Instead, breathe in this truth with every part of yourself: You are the best damn mother in the entire world."

You can read more about Angela Miller and her other projects @
https://abedformyheart.com/motherofallmothers/

These words have comforted me in some of my roughest hours. They are words that all moms who have lost a baby need to hear, over and over again. 

I recently purchased this book for myself, and for another loss momma I met at grief support group. I know it isn't much, but it is something, and each little thing after loss adds up.

I want to be able to give back. I want to help other mommas that are struggling with the guilt and shame that stems from loosing their baby. I want to share this book with other women in the hopes that it provides them a small bit of comfort during their worst days, like it has for me.

So I started this go fund me account in the memory of my precious daughter Larkin Amelia. I want to be able to buy (in bulk) as many of these books as I can. So when I meet a new loss mom through a blog, support group, instagram, word of mouth, or maybe even a hospital referal...I too can share these words that have helped me so much.  I don't know all the ways Larkin's death is going to impact my life, but I think helping other loss moms that are struggling is a good start and one she would have been proud of.

100% of your donation (no matter how small or large) will go to purchasing these books and getting them to the mommas that need them. I have spent the last three months connecting with other loss moms and networking, I already know so many lives this book could impact immediately. Ideally this project will grow and expand to include memorial jewelry and/or art, to include along with this book in a gift box for grieving mothers along with a website of resources, and ways to connect with others that have gone through this horrible tragedy.

Thank you for reading. Thanks for helping honor my daughter. Thank you for sharing this (please please share it!)  Thanks for supporting Larkin's Legacy.