In Memory of Royce
Kristy and Royce have been such an inspiration to many. Kristy and Royce had been trying to conceive for 7 years when they began the IVF process. Sadly, Royce passed suddenly in a car accident on October 8th, while they were waiting to find out if the IVF treatment worked. Kristy did conceive, and is pregnant without any income. Kristy needs our support at this tragic time. Please share this page and donate. We love you Kristy.
it is boxing day in Australia and I just thought I would stop by with another update and to thank everyone again for their contributions.
I have been taking a bit of a break from my youtube channel with everything that has happened.
Those who follow my youtube channel would have learned that right on 11wks I began miscarrying, something went on for over a week and which left me visiting the hospital 3 times.
My dachshund Charney just had her 2nd eye removed due to glaucoma (which is a debilitating pain if left unchecked), she had the operation just days before christmas, so right now I'm looking after her.
This has been a rough year, and Christmas yesterday was not easy.
I have had to begin looking for a job, and I am thankful for all the donations because I have had so many bills (from the funeral and the ivf included), and it has allowed me not to hit the panic button as heavily.
But it is time to find some work, as I don't want to lose my home. I want to live in the place that people are so willing to help renovate from a hovel to a haven for me.
I am so thankful to have earth angels around me to make this all possible.
I don't want to give up the place that Royce and I had our vision for, his paradise, so I'm going to do whatever I can to hang on.
My mortgage is $530 a week. When I was with Royce and we were both working , this was completely doable. I am going to have to hit the ground running to keep on top of this one now, but I'm determined.
Being Christmas, it has been hard applying for work, but I'm sure in the new year something will come to fruition.
I'm not going to lie, I have had my days where I have begged to just give up. But I feel myself coming back in pieces gradually.
Thanks again for all your love and support.
I am so saddened to lose Pacey, my piece of Royce. I am a broken person. But I will put myself back together.
Any further donations will help me to stay afloat on the mortgage front. I wish everyone a safe Christmas, and a healthy and happy new year.
Lots of love from Kristy, Charney and Denzel (my two dachshunds).
Here is my most recent on video my channel about the miscarriage if you are interested.
Thanks again xo
ps - I put a photo of charney up after her operation but someone reported it as inappropriate so it was removed...ok...
Some fantastic news has happened since my last update, and I am overwhelmed and humbled by it. I had looked for signs from my husband, messages that he was here in spirit still, and let me tell you, he is clearly still around!
A man who Royce and I had worked away with whilst saving up for the IVF had his wife contact an Australian news program called A Current Affair, and even though his wife is the one who 'got it over the line', there were SO MANY people telling me of their quests and efforts to reach out to media outlets in the hopes somebody may see my story and help.
A big thankyou to anyone who did this. You all just did it because of your deep hearts and compassionate minds... I am just amazed by the outpouring of love, this is something I will always remember amongst the highest time of deepest seated grief in my life.
When A Current Affair visited me I had hoped they may finish plastering the walls in my lounge room, after askin me what things I would like fixing in my home... I said I would be more than happy to help with painting the living area, in which I was told with shock I'm pregnant and can't do that (lol). A Current Affair completely surprised me far exceeding what I had hoped for and just about made me faint on the spot mind you!
These kinds of things don’t happen to everyday people like me, so please understand I am aware of how blessed and lucky I am to be receiving such help.
A Current Affair, along with some generous tradespeople are all donating their time and services and banding together to RENOVATE MY HOME!! I can't even tell you how thankful and grateful I am.
All I can put this generous act of kindness and outpouring down to, is a miracle from Royce. He loved me like no other...
Royce always promised me he would never let me fall. And even though the universe has taken him, he is still fulfilling that promise to make sure that doesn’t happen, from the otherside...
Royce knew how scared I was to quit work to do IVF because I have ALWAYS had a job since I was 14. It was hard for me to hand the reins to him. And I had talked about being afraid of something like this (him dying and leaving me in a vulnerable position whilst not working) happening when he was alive. He would just tell me to stop thinking the worst, so you could imagine my horror when the worst happened...
Something I would like to explain, is that we had cancelled our life policies temporarily. We were going to reinstate a policy once Royce had started receiving an income again. Royce hadn't brought in an income since he was made redundant at the end of April, AND at the same time we were pouring money into the business he wanted to start up, boat building.
Infact, Royce died the morning of his first day of business. Not even joking.
I have wondered what the meaning is behind the timing of Royce’s passing... the day he was to begin work again. I also wonder why it happened just after we had conceived? It just made the hurt that much more, and my feelings of ‘WHY’ that much bigger.
I got made redundant in August, so I was able to keep money coming in for our dreams until that point and we were using my income to keep house payments taken care of and to also feed money into the business we were starting up for Royce (so that we could be close together and he wouldn’t have to work away from home anymore).
For me, even though we were draining our hard earnt resources for the IVF to make this happen, it wasn't a problem Royce was taking this time off to get the business going, because it was all part of the bigger plan and we would have recouped everything we were dipping into in time with the business up and running. With us, everything had a plan. We took care of all our affairs and everything had an order... it’s just that Royce’s death was not accounted for in our grand plans.
5 days after I came home from working away and being made redundant I started taking the pill for IVF (I know right, taking the pill? To become pregnant? It's an IVF thing...) This is when all the appointments started – picking up medications, taking countless bloodtests, injecting countless needles and sniffing horrible drugs to get my body to function how they wanted it to for the IVF. I put on 4 kilos in 3 weeks from the IVF medication and bloated like a balloon!
It was at this point we had been drawing on the money we had saved for the IVF for 2 months straight. No benefits or welfare, just using our own hard earned money. Something we were proud to do. We had worked hard to set ourselves up. And we never asked for help. Anything we had achieved we had achieved together and off our own backs. This is when I decided we needed to trim a few bills we were paying, just temporarily, until Royce’s first pay cheque came in.
But what happened is, like with any plans in life, the business was taking a little longer to set up than anticipated. Royce had to buy some parts for his machinery (O rings and things like that) because they weren't running smoothly, and was being held up by various things like needing materials that weren’t available yet and also making more room in the shed (in which we had bought a container to move non-work-related stuff into), this all slowed things down and because of this longer than anticipated set up, we were heavily drawing into our IVF funds and this was worrying the hell out of me.
I was so excited (and relieved!) the morning he was about to begin his business. The day before his passing (and starting work again) we had stood in his shed and he asked me what I thought, and I told him I was proud and he had done a really good job and the shed looked great and I felt like we were on the eve of a new chapter together.
I didn’t realise we were on the new eve of a chapter in which I was to go it alone.
A couple of days before he died he had stood in the kitchen and told me how lucky we were as he held me and kissed my forehead and belly, because he just KNEW I was pregnant, even though it was too early for confirmation of that yet.
We really felt like we had it all. Once the business was to be started, we would draw a little more on our mortgage to begin renovations, and hopefully we would be pregnant and begin the chapter we had waited for and wanted for the longest of times, a family.
Some people have asked, why would you not do the renovations first, than the IVF? Well we had waited, and worked for years towards trying to have a family. And to top it off with Royce’s sperm rate declining (he only had 2% viable when we did our round of IVF) and also with me turning 35 and my fertility declining, we were informed not to leave it too much longer, or we may just ‘miss the boat’ so to speak. This is one boatride we didn’t want to miss...
We just thought that we should get the most important thing going, than work on the house, and this is where our story ended.
But actually, it hasn’t, Royce is still helping me from the other side. He has made it very clear that he will not let me down. He has surrounded me with angels at every turn. I just love him so much and thank him for being my true soulmate through and through. I’m still really lucky to have him. I just wish I could still physically see him and hold him, and I just wish that Pacey my unborn baby could have that too. When he was alive people would say he would move the Earth for me if I wanted him to. Well now I feel like he is doing just that, because look how much love and support I have? Thankyou Royce Kirchner, you were always the sweetest person I knew, and I think you always will be. You’re also the kindest spirit and soul I know too xo
My instagram: (I do regular updates here too!)
The link to A Current Affair to see my story they did: http://aca.ninemsn.com.au/article/8930227/mother-to-bes-tragic-struggle
This. Is. Amazing! Thankyou so much everyone for raising such a huge amount to help ease the situation I have been faced with, and for caring for me enough to be so kind. I never expected such an overwhelming response. When Jeni of @nolongerunfertilemertyle set this up unbeknownst to me, I was so surprised and hoped I might be able to get $200 for petrol and some groceries! But I can't believe the generosity of people... Not only am I now able to pay back royces funeral and our round of ivf, but I haven't been able to pay my house mortgage for the last 5wks and had to ring my bank and stop all repayments. Any further donations from this point will be used for my mortgage because I don't want to lose the home Royce and I worked so hard for and my mortgage is a whopping $530 a week! I do however feel completely thankful for everything that has already been given and do understand if the donations stop now. You guys have been more than amazing and although I am so tired (from the grief and the pregnancy) I am going to begin looking for some work that I can do from home in the new year so I don't have to give up this home. I will find a way because I want Pacey to feel his or her daddy's presence and there is no where in this world stronger than the home he had such big dreams for. I love you all. I know you all have your own financial battles and dreams too, so just know I understand how great you are for reaching into your pocket even though there's so much more you probably need to do for yourself. This is truly a key element to an earth angel xoxxo may the universe reward each and every one of you in return.
For my latest youtube update, please check it out here if you are interested :)
Lastly, here's a poem I wrote about Royce:
That Morning, written by me 10th November 2014 - (1 month, 2 days after Royce's departure)
I'm sitting in the 'bedroom' of the cabin you had worked so hard on holding back the tears that will never bring you back.
All your dreams are suspended in time, and any dreams we had that may still be, you won't get to see or share with me.
The emptiness is real, the grief is deep. The time keeps passing and you're still gone.
Gone: Emptiness, harrowing silence, a thick endless smothering fog, a searing void, blistering heartache, and a road to nowhere.
I think of how I touched your beautiful hair: so soft and tufty; your lifeless hands were still the sweetest and sexiest hands I could ever touch.
I tried to warm them to give you life and comfort...
to give me life and comfort, but I couldn't.
I could not see your face through the thick bandages, or peer into those beautiful sparkly eyes and marvel at your cute dimples; but you were still so handsome. The most handsome boy I had ever seen in that moment.
Wearing your silver shoes for your size 13-14 feet; dapper in your pinstriped suit, padding on your injured hip, cuts all up your tanned and toned arms...
You died handsome.
You will always be one of those 'forever young' people now.
I feel like I'm missing out. I want to share your new experience with you: the other side.
But I'm still here. I wonder if you were right? What is rubbish? What is true? You always said you knew.
I am left behind, and it's too soon for you to be acquainted with the other side. The universe has made a mistake.
I see older couples together, full lives lived, grown children - why couldn't we have that?
I see younger couples with babies and young children - why weren't we allowed to have that?
I remember how I felt like this throughout our 7yrs of childlessness and how you were always patient, calm and unfazed: we would have all those things one-day, you said.
So I wonder why the universe has delivered this cruel blow, after such a torturous journey.
Robbing me, robbing you.
Killing me, killing you.
I'm trying so hard for you babe, and I know if you are watching me you would be thinking how strong I am and seeing what I have to endure, laughing and crying for me:
lost privacy, people everywhere.
My happy hermit lifestyle gone. My haven in the sticks with just you, now a lonely place in the sticks with just me.
Pacey is hanging on and I thank you for the gift, the dream we had.
But if Pacey can't stay, I know you will need that little one more than me. But I so hope Pacey will stay with me.
Is that selfish?
I love you babe, you are my everything. Right now I would still rather come and be with you, but I'm pushing through that because I know you would rather me keep trying for the dreams we had.
That morning when you left, if I knew what was going to happen, I would never have let you gone. I would never had let you out of my sight again.
I'm disappointed in myself that I didn't see the signs... all of the formal goodbyes and hellos, my middle diamond of the wedding ring gone - the heart of the ring...
I never have gotten to say goodbye to my loved ones.
Please hold Jasper tight and promise him I will join up with you both soon. Have a laugh with grandma too.
krjc4eva is now kc4eva... but I know even that won't be for very long, Charney is a senior now.
But I do believe Denzel was sent to see me through these tough times - a gift from Jasper, and I'm so glad he got your approval.
I know you're looking after me. You said you would never leave me in a mess.
I believe that haven't and you won't. BUT, I really wish you could take the pain away that goes along with it.
Goodbye my sweet, may you be at peace.
I am happy you won't get your debilitating stomach problems anymore.
I can't wait to see you again someday,
your wifey and soulmate, Kristy
Today I had my 7wk scan, I am actually 7wks and 3 days today, and have provided a little photo of myself for you all I just took 5 minutes ago :)
Thankyou for the continued donations, things don't seem to be getting easier - as suspected. I have had debt collectors chasing me for one of Royce's loans which I thought would be cleared with his passing, apparently not... I am also trying to work through feelings of anger, desolation and sadness - all whilst being pregnant.
I just uploaded a video about how my scan went today on my youtube channel for anyone who is interested, ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-zLYN4R5W8&feature=youtu.be) and I'm having a little worry around the mixed results I received from that scan - but I'm still pregnant.
There have been a lot of good things happening in the background of my life right now, and I would like to share that information with you in my next update when I know a bit more. Let's just say people are wonderful, people are saving me.
In general life, all of my bills have started flowing in now, you know the ones - electricity, rego - all of that, and I have put my mortgage on hold for the moment, because I just can't repay it - yet I know I don't want to lose my home because it was all of Royce and I. This was his paradise and I can't give that up.
Thankyou for your continued love and support until I am on my feet and kicking goals again and working out how I'm going to do this.
I just wanted to touch base so you all know I really care and am thankful for everything every one of you have done for me.
Today has been one of the hardest days yet for me. I was driving home from my scan, and it was really hard because it was the road Royce and I travelled for all of our IVF appointments, and for the last month and a half before he died, we travelled that road nearly every day for various IVF related appointments, be it scans, blood tests, picking up medication etc.
Love to you all and I will talk again soon. I hope you like the photos of Royce xoxo
I tried to get pregnant for years but no luck, through an insight i came across an email that speaks good about a Dr that used herbs to helped her get pregnant so i gave it a try and contact the Dr, and the pregnancy herbs worked for me also... i feel i should share it here for those of you trying to get pregnant. and for any advise contact him on email email@example.com he told me that he specialize in healing so many sickness and also providing solutions to so many problems, you can also give it a try...
I have no money to give, But I did share this to my Facebook and I hope that helps. The Lord commands us to care for widows, and I will be donating what I can, when I can. I offer my friendship for now. And if you and Pacey ever travel to the states, You have a home in Arizona. May the Lord bless you and keep you, may the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious into you. May he lift his countenance upon you and give you peace.
Hi, Kristy. I am a reporter at The Ledger, and I came across your account. I'm sorry to learn about Royce. Yours is a poignant story, and I'm sure our readers would like to know about what you have been through. I'd welcome a chance to talk to you. You can reach me at firstname.lastname@example.org or 863-802-7518.
So much love from so many. Wish you could trade it all in for your husband back, which I know you would in a split second. Hold on Lady, the angels are on their way. Earth angels and those from above
Hi Kristy, i dont have money to give, but i would like to give yoy all my support in this terrible situation. I m french and i live in playa del carmen ( Mexico), i rent two rooms of my appartement, yoy can have a look on them on air bnb,. If you need a place to rest, one day, you will be welcome at home for free obvipusly. Take care of you and your wonderful baby.. im sure that your husband is proud of you from where he is, and your baby could be so proud for having such amazing parents like you and him. Be strong and believe in the futur . Carole