Help Vito Not Go To Prison
Last Friday I was out shopping at thrift stores and looking for something to eat. A few minutes later I was cuffed in the back of a squad car. Safe to say, it was the worst day of my life.
If you've watched any cop show ever, you know I can't discuss the specifics of my case yet. For everyone asking for details before they donate, I promise that once I have a lawyer I will find out what is safe to post. All I can say right now is that if this goes to trial and I am somehow convicted, I will be going to state prison for longer than one would hope for.
(No, I didn't kill anyone)
(No, it isn't because of some YouTube thing)
I think most of you guys know me, either as friends and family, or through the stupid videos I put on the internet. Hopefully you know that I am not a violent criminal who needs to be locked away. Maybe you can help me prove that to a judge.
[EDIT: I want to make it clear that I have a very good chance of beating this thing, given my complete lack of any criminal history and the fact that I am a harmless chubby coward of a man. Still, this is all very scary, and very very expensive]
So far I have spent $3000 on my bail and other fees. My lawyer will likely be about $8000, maybe more. I know I don't have rich friends, so I'm not asking for anything close to that. I'm just trying to get some small bit of help together to lessen the burden on me and my family's finances.
(ALSO: I will give you a coupon that entitles you to DOUBLE your donation back if I ever achieve a net worth of over $1,000,000. You could actually make money by keeping me out of prison!
You'll also get a personal thank you note from me, regardless of the amount you donate. I appreciate every last cent.)
I hate to beg, I really do. I wish I was funding something fun and exciting like Vito Gesualdi's Dice Monsters(tm) but for now I've just got to find a path through this nightmare.
Trying to get my life together so I can hopefully return some of the goodwill you've all shown me over the years. Peace and love in 2018.
I have paid a lawyer a lot of money and he takes it from here, but the felony charge is off the table and if I'm lucky they'll drop the whole thing.
For those of you who have been waiting eagerly for the details, basically what happened is I turned onto a street that was closed off, but they had yet to set up the barricades or anything. No cop cars, no flashing lights, just a big empty street with what I thought was a construction worker screaming at me.
Figuring they were getting set up for construction and kind of panicked by having I should just book it to the next street and turn off, so I drove past the screaming guy only to find some cop cars at the other end of the street. I guess that first guy was a cop, not a construction worker, and told them I tried to hit him with my car: so basically assault with a deadly weapon on a police officer, which is a go to prison crime.
I don't know about you guys, but I'm not really the kind of person who tries to hit cops with cars.
ANYWAY: thanks for your support. This whole thing has cost more money than I want to think about and I appreciate you guys helping me put a dent in it. I'm going to make one last push to pay off the remaining lawyer fees so if you know anybody who might want to kick in a buck, do forward this along.
I will get to work on those thank you letters and free money coupons!
The lawyer fee is on a credit card, stuff is getting paid for. Again, this has cost me about 10k so far and that number will go up if I get a fine, have to pay for probation, or (god forbid) actually have to go to trial.
That being said, I don't want people to worry about the money. I can make the credit card payments - but know that your donations super help! I have raised the donation goal to $5,000 just because, but again, I don't need to get to that number to not die, it just helps me not be homeless while this is ongoing.
The other thing people want to know is what I've been charged with. Again, the charges are so overzealous (I really think the police are just trying to scare the hell out of me) that I don't want to freak people out. If you absolutely must know, ask me in private. I will say that it was a driving accident where absolutely no one was hurt and no property was damaged.
Once the DA files formal charges (on the 30th) I will let you guys know what they are. Lawyer says he is gonna fight like hell to get them reduced before arraignment.
At this point, I have no idea how things will go. I am about to pay a very expensive lawyer to hopefully save my life.
I have also begun researching the tvs you can get in prison. You can get a 13in widescreen but I don't think you can get a playstation.