Please Support Juniper's Recovery From Abuse!

Ryo Satsuma is organizing this fundraiser.

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Hi! My name's Juniper Pines!

Though some of y'all might know me as Juni, Ryo, or Ruby!

I'm an artist! All images on this GoFundMe are things I've drawn or painted myself!

What is this GoFundMe for?

I am requesting help getting myself on my feet after a life of trauma, as well as relief from unavoidable debts incurred while attempting to escape from the trauma.

I am requesting $15,000 USD in order to help put a dent in my debts, and to help stabilize me. This is not the full amount of debt I am under, but it will help me by reducing the total amount of debt I have to pay on my own. This amount was increased from the original ask as a result of the sudden need to move out of my home, as I now am in dire need of about $8,000 within the next month or so. Please continue reading to find out more about me and my situation, and thank you in advance!

Who am I?

I've lived my whole life in the United States deep south.
I'm transgender, and have been hiding this for the majority of my life, but I'm trying to be more open about the kind of person I really am.
This, plus certain disabilities, have made it difficult for me to take care of myself in the past.
I'm an artist! I like making things that make people smile; that give them a little joy when the world isn't kind.
I make images, comics, animations, and even some game dev if I can ever spend the time on it!
Art, animation, design, writing... it's very important to me. It helps me cope with my problems, and gives me a way I can show people that I care about them.
My art is also a way of bonding with friends and others. I like being inspired by things that friends are doing and saying. Giving them some kind of visual, whether it be an animation, comic, or simple image, that's humorous or otherwise impactful to them, means so much to me.
A goal of mine is to make spaces and communities online where people can exist comfortably; where they can feel safe to talk about their issues and find solidarity or maybe even help, especially for people who might've had similarly traumatic experiences to mine.
I'm glad that I've been able to find some success in this goal at least! I now run a small but highly supportive online community of roughly 100 people from all over the world.
I would like to be able to make more spaces like this, and bring more peace and happiness to people wherever I can.
Really I just want to get myself stable, and to leave a positive mark on the world. When I leave this world, I hope to have somehow left it a better place than when I arrived!

My history...

I grew up, and spent most of my life, in a narcissistic and traumatic household. I was conditioned into not being able to take care of myself, and instead follow whatever my family said, which I took as absolute law. To keep peace, my entire identity was formed around ensuring my father was happy.

I became hypervigilant, conditioned to forget everything when beckoned. Everything I did was to keep the peace in the house. I pushed my own personality away, and mirrored whomever was around me, as it was the only thing I had ever known.

I barely slept for the first 20-25 years of my life.

I was something like a robot or zombie. Even now I don't know which of my goals, interests, etc, were actually mine, or were things I learned to enjoy because it kept peace in the house. My dad was an artist, and I think even my want to do art was because it was something that met with some approval from my dad. (I now know that I enjoy art on my own though. It's no longer because of him, and I don't let his memory have power over that part of me anymore.)

I mostly kept to my room, in order to be out of the way or not noticed, but also so that I was always available in case Dad needed me. If dad needed me and I wasn't available, the consequences were often weeks of yelling, and at worse, outright violence.

I learned to hate myself, and blame myself for any break in the peace, or really any other problems that occurred in the house. I questioned my sanity, believing everything I was told that I had done. I really truly believed that I was capable of terrible things, because it's what I was told was happening.

For 35 years, this was a weight holding me down. It wasn't until a family discovered me and took me in (and I finally managed to cut all ties with my father) that I was able to stop this from constantly happening.

The family that saved me!

In 2021 I was taken in by an exceptionally kind family (whom I now consider my own family) who put me through intensive therapy and helped me start to stand on my own two feet. They have truly, truly saved my life. It's not always been pleasant, and there's been a lot of pain and difficulties, but throughout my time here they've stuck by me and kept me moving in the right direction.

Since then, I've been discovering what my actual personality is, and am starting to actually be able to do work normally. That being said, though I've applied to jobs, I've not been able to find a good full-time job.

However, I've started doing art for money, and I have an on-call part-time job as a social media QA. It's not a lot of income yet, but it's much more than what I've been able to do in the past! And I'm definitely still improving! I hope to have a full-time job eventually, hopefully soon!

My debts...

While in the abusive family household, I have incurred a lot of debt in attempts to escape. I did not know how to do it on my own, and I did not have a lot of help. I do not regret these debts, really, as I did not have the means to do anything else, and the alternative would've been being forced to return to that household.

To be honest, I don't know if I would still be here if that would have happened.

This includes medical debts, living arrangements, transportation... most of my ability to survive were predicated on me working very hard at whatever job I had, while also slowly sinking deeper into debt.

The family that took me in has provided food, shelter, and a level of stability and sanity that I have never really been able to experience before. They have not asked for rent, and have done immeasurable good in my ability to heal from the trauma and start working on my own.

However, my bills and my therapy are still things I need to pay via my own efforts. I've been trying to work on this for some time, to varying success... I have not payed several months of bills now, and am desperately trying to work my way up to paying them.

My current debt payments, even without food, rent, etc, are upwards of $2,000 a month. Any support gives me more space to build up the funds I need for the next month. Eventually, removing even one bill from my monthly expenses would be wildly impactful!

Still, I'm optimistic! I'm finally at a point now where I know I can succeed, given enough time. With just a little bit more help I can have the time I need to become self sufficient! I know it!

The Move:

The family I've been staying with is going to be moving outside of the country in November 2023, and due to my own financial situation, I will not be able to follow them. So, fairly suddenly I'm facing a needed move halfway across the country.

I have some help, and the family isn't kicking me out at all; it's just an unfortunate series of situations coinciding. So... the time that I would've needed to get myself up to speed has very suddenly been reduced drastically. I think I'm still able to do it, but this has changed the situation, and I want to acknowledge this.

To be honest, I don't know what will happen if I don't meet my goal and complete the move in time. There's a chance I might lose even more of my belongings. If I lose my car or my computer, I won't be able to work anymore, and I don't know how I can recover from this. That, mainly, is why I am updating my GoFundMe plea; the urgency really is quite dire, and I want to express this.

My timeline

From the time of posting this update (August 7, 2023), I now have about 85 days to:

Make about $80,000 (to cover my unpayed bills, current bills, one extra month of bills, and all expenses related to the move.)
Completely move out of this house.
Be fully moved into the new house.

If I'm not done by November 1st, I'm not sure what's going to happen...

I am doing my best to meet this goal on my own. I've been setting up as many income sources as I can, via doing art for people, setting up streams, giving people doodles for donations, and hopefully soon selling things on Redbubble and elsewhere. I also have a day job, but it is on-call and part-time, and thus is not an extremely reliable income source. Of course, I'm also applying to jobs during this period, too. But considering the urgency, any help is incredibly impactful.

My final plea:

I want to be able to take care of myself. I'm not asking for my entire debt to be solved, but I am asking for some relief from getting myself into a place where I can take care of things from then on. Even a single debt being payed is a huge, HUGE relief.

All funds coming from this GoFundMe go directly to bills, and seldom also will go to living expenses, with the one major exception being the move and anything I need to ensure that it goes smoothly. I do not spend this money on anything else. Most of my time recently is spent working, and all income goes towards bills, so there's not really anywhere else for it to go.

I also take commissions! And donations on my Ko-fi, or monthly contributions on Patreon, are usually thanked via little doodles and such. I am truly, truly thankful for whatever help you can give, and want to express this gratitude in whatever ways I can. (Whenever possible, with interest!)

If you'd like to get a commission, or otherwise would like to support me in other ways, please consider visiting my Carrd! It's still under construction, so please check back for more info and places where you can find me!

Link to my Carrd: https://juni-p.carrd.co/

Any contributions, words of encouragement, or shares are deeply, deeply appreciated.