Freedom In A Changing Age ~ Top Surgery for Taimat
Donation protected
Hello, friends and family and strangers alike. My dear readers. If you've a moment, please let me tell you my story.
My legal name is Tori. Some of you may know me as Taimat, as that is my preferred name, though I haven't had the money to legally change it, yet.
I am a genderfluid American living in Japan, and all three of these factors are quite important.
I was assigned female at birth. For many years, this was...okay, I suppose. My first experience of trying to "pass" as male was during my time as a cosplayer in university, but even then, I had only a faint knowledge of what "transgender" even meant, and I truly didn't even know that being a trans man (much less being genderfluid) was even a thing that was allowed, much less possible.
One of these costumes, I was particularly proud of. After enlisting the help of a few friends for wig styling and makeup, the costume was complete, and I was transformed. And one friend said to me that, had he not known that I was a girl, he would absolutely assume I was a boy.
Dear reader, I felt utterly euphoric.
I still remember it to this day. The joy. The confidence. I didn't want it to end.
It never occurred to me that this was something I could have every day of my life.
Let us fast-forward several years.
I moved to Japan. I fell in love and got married. My circle of friends continued to expand. And I began to take a greater look at myself. At what was on the inside. My thoughts, my feelings, and what made me, well...me.
I'll spare you all of the personal details, but if you'd like a little more insight into how I felt (and still feel), I'll leave you a link to a brilliant little comic here .
Now, you may have seen the news recently, that the current US administration has now made it legal to refuse healthcare, of any kind, to patients who are suspected to be LGBT. This is a devastating blow, make no mistake. And it's a large reason why I will never be able to move back, I fear.
Japan is not great, either. They are only just beginning to acknowledge that same-sex couples exist and should be provided basic rights like everyone else. Their attitude toward trans rights remains draconian. It is still legal here to discriminate against LGBT individuals, and many companies simply will not hire you if you don't "fit in," as it were.
During my self-reflection, the most pressing issue quickly became how I felt. Day to day, every time I looked in the mirror, every photo I saw of myself, there was always a feeling of "that's not me."
And so, I set about to change this.
Being transgender has finally been declassified by the WHO as a mental illness. It is just another thing that makes us humans who we are. But Japan doesn't much care for that. Here, you must have letters from psychiatrists diagnosing you as mentally ill before you are permitted to begin hormone therapy.
By this time, I had already been seeing a psychiatrist for a while for other issues, and so I tried to get a letter from him. I even brought my husband into the room with me for moral support.
What happened next, dear reader, is an all-too-common occurrence in trans people's lives.
My doctor insisted that I could not be trans because I wasn't "mannish enough." He said that he had seen "no evidence" that I was trans. He actually went off on a tirade about how, once you cut your penis off, you can't get it back. (Nevermind the fact that that is not at all how gender reassignment surgery works, I don't even have a penis to "cut off.") He outright refused to help me.
And in response, dear reader, I shut down. I dissociated. Even as my husband, bless him, tried to reason with the doctor and find a way to get me the help I needed, I was left in a haze.
"You are not who you say you are, because I said so, and therefore I refuse to help you."
I broke.
My husband and I left the office quietly, and I spent the time afterwards alternately in tears and in silent shock.
But still, I didn't give up.
Time passed, and I grew more determined. Many internet searches and some deep forum mining later, I finally found a doctor with good recommendations who might help me.
So I gathered my courage, along with my supportive husband, and I went to visit.
This doctor didn't even flinch when I described how I felt. He simply laid out for me what the short, mid, and long term effects of going on hormones were, had me sign a waiver saying I understood everything, and then I had my first injection immediately after.
And again, dear reader, I felt it: euphoria.
I had been seen. I had been helped. And I was finally starting to change my outside to match who I was on the inside.
Three years of regular testosterone injections later, my voice has dropped. My face has changed. I'm starting to become closer to who I want to be. Perhaps even more surprising, I've gained confidence. I'm less irritable. I'm calmer. And I'm ecstatic.
But there's still one glaringly obvious hurdle.
Two, rather.
My breasts.
Every time I look in a mirror, every time I get dressed, every time I carry a bag or cross my arms, they're there. And it's awful.
I had thought that maybe I could handle it, but it turns out, dear reader, I cannot. It's gotten so bad that I've nearly broken down a few times because I'm saddled with these things that I cannot get rid of.
To add insult to injury, I keep getting recurring mastitis for some odd reason, meaning that my breast tissue becomes infected, aching and itchy, from the skin down through the entire mass. Not only do they pain me mentally and emotionally, they pain me physically, as well.
So what can I do?
The obvious solution is to simply get rid of them. And that, dear reader, is the entire point of this Gofundme.
I cannot get surgery in the US, as I no longer have health insurance there. And indeed, doctors can simply refuse to treat me now, so I wouldn't dare risk such a procedure.
My chances of getting surgery in Japan are very low, as only a small handful of surgeons even perform mastectomies, and the waiting list is quite literally several years long. In addition, my health insurance would not cover it, so it would be very expensive.
The most reasonable solution is to go to Thailand for top surgery. Indeed, this is what most Japanese who need gender affirming surgeries do. Such surgeries are quite common in Thailand, and so there are many skilled surgeons. In addition, surgeries cost far less than they would in the US, for example. And because the surgeries are so common, it's possible to book a surgery relatively quickly. In many cases, just a month or two after a phone consultation is doable.
So how much would all of this cost?
I've looked into some of the top surgeons in Thailand, and the average price seems to be $3500-4500 USD. This includes the surgery, anesthesia, recovery, medicine, meals, and even transportation to and from the hospital.
The costs I am trying to fund are approximately:
- $4500 for surgery
- $1400 for two tickets to Thailand (my husband and I)
- $200 for Gofundme's fees
I do need to bring my husband with me for not only emotional support, but for physical support as well. After surgery, I will be unable to lift anything for several weeks, including things like luggage, and I will need help with bathing, dressing, and everyday life.
Is there a set timeline?
The sooner the better, honestly, as far as my health is concerned. But is there a hard deadline? No. I can theoretically get this surgery at any point.
Part of me dreams that it will be possible in August, because both my husband and I will have a summer break from teaching, and well...it's my birthday.
In the future, my husband and I hope to move to another country that is more accepting of transgender people, but that is a goal that is probably further off, as it will also take quite a bit of money to move. And at the moment, our jobs are more stable than my emotions and state of mind.
I want desperately to live my life as my authentic self. I want to feel like me, in my own skin. I want to look in the mirror and recognize the person looking back.
But I'll need a little help to get there.
And so, if you can help in any way, whether it be via some extra funds or a share on social media, I would be so very thankful.
I would also like to add, to those of you who are family and friends, who are only now finding out about my gender identity, please know I only withheld this information out of fear. Coming out this way, in such a public manner, is nothing less than terrifying, but I have to try. If there is even the slightest chance that someone out there can help me reach my goal, then I have to try.
Please help me try.
My sincerest thanks, dear reader,
~ Taimat
My legal name is Tori. Some of you may know me as Taimat, as that is my preferred name, though I haven't had the money to legally change it, yet.
I am a genderfluid American living in Japan, and all three of these factors are quite important.
I was assigned female at birth. For many years, this was...okay, I suppose. My first experience of trying to "pass" as male was during my time as a cosplayer in university, but even then, I had only a faint knowledge of what "transgender" even meant, and I truly didn't even know that being a trans man (much less being genderfluid) was even a thing that was allowed, much less possible.
One of these costumes, I was particularly proud of. After enlisting the help of a few friends for wig styling and makeup, the costume was complete, and I was transformed. And one friend said to me that, had he not known that I was a girl, he would absolutely assume I was a boy.
Dear reader, I felt utterly euphoric.
I still remember it to this day. The joy. The confidence. I didn't want it to end.
It never occurred to me that this was something I could have every day of my life.
Let us fast-forward several years.
I moved to Japan. I fell in love and got married. My circle of friends continued to expand. And I began to take a greater look at myself. At what was on the inside. My thoughts, my feelings, and what made me, well...me.
I'll spare you all of the personal details, but if you'd like a little more insight into how I felt (and still feel), I'll leave you a link to a brilliant little comic here .
Now, you may have seen the news recently, that the current US administration has now made it legal to refuse healthcare, of any kind, to patients who are suspected to be LGBT. This is a devastating blow, make no mistake. And it's a large reason why I will never be able to move back, I fear.
Japan is not great, either. They are only just beginning to acknowledge that same-sex couples exist and should be provided basic rights like everyone else. Their attitude toward trans rights remains draconian. It is still legal here to discriminate against LGBT individuals, and many companies simply will not hire you if you don't "fit in," as it were.
During my self-reflection, the most pressing issue quickly became how I felt. Day to day, every time I looked in the mirror, every photo I saw of myself, there was always a feeling of "that's not me."
And so, I set about to change this.
Being transgender has finally been declassified by the WHO as a mental illness. It is just another thing that makes us humans who we are. But Japan doesn't much care for that. Here, you must have letters from psychiatrists diagnosing you as mentally ill before you are permitted to begin hormone therapy.
By this time, I had already been seeing a psychiatrist for a while for other issues, and so I tried to get a letter from him. I even brought my husband into the room with me for moral support.
What happened next, dear reader, is an all-too-common occurrence in trans people's lives.
My doctor insisted that I could not be trans because I wasn't "mannish enough." He said that he had seen "no evidence" that I was trans. He actually went off on a tirade about how, once you cut your penis off, you can't get it back. (Nevermind the fact that that is not at all how gender reassignment surgery works, I don't even have a penis to "cut off.") He outright refused to help me.
And in response, dear reader, I shut down. I dissociated. Even as my husband, bless him, tried to reason with the doctor and find a way to get me the help I needed, I was left in a haze.
"You are not who you say you are, because I said so, and therefore I refuse to help you."
I broke.
My husband and I left the office quietly, and I spent the time afterwards alternately in tears and in silent shock.
But still, I didn't give up.
Time passed, and I grew more determined. Many internet searches and some deep forum mining later, I finally found a doctor with good recommendations who might help me.
So I gathered my courage, along with my supportive husband, and I went to visit.
This doctor didn't even flinch when I described how I felt. He simply laid out for me what the short, mid, and long term effects of going on hormones were, had me sign a waiver saying I understood everything, and then I had my first injection immediately after.
And again, dear reader, I felt it: euphoria.
I had been seen. I had been helped. And I was finally starting to change my outside to match who I was on the inside.
Three years of regular testosterone injections later, my voice has dropped. My face has changed. I'm starting to become closer to who I want to be. Perhaps even more surprising, I've gained confidence. I'm less irritable. I'm calmer. And I'm ecstatic.
But there's still one glaringly obvious hurdle.
Two, rather.
My breasts.
Every time I look in a mirror, every time I get dressed, every time I carry a bag or cross my arms, they're there. And it's awful.
I had thought that maybe I could handle it, but it turns out, dear reader, I cannot. It's gotten so bad that I've nearly broken down a few times because I'm saddled with these things that I cannot get rid of.
To add insult to injury, I keep getting recurring mastitis for some odd reason, meaning that my breast tissue becomes infected, aching and itchy, from the skin down through the entire mass. Not only do they pain me mentally and emotionally, they pain me physically, as well.
So what can I do?
The obvious solution is to simply get rid of them. And that, dear reader, is the entire point of this Gofundme.
I cannot get surgery in the US, as I no longer have health insurance there. And indeed, doctors can simply refuse to treat me now, so I wouldn't dare risk such a procedure.
My chances of getting surgery in Japan are very low, as only a small handful of surgeons even perform mastectomies, and the waiting list is quite literally several years long. In addition, my health insurance would not cover it, so it would be very expensive.
The most reasonable solution is to go to Thailand for top surgery. Indeed, this is what most Japanese who need gender affirming surgeries do. Such surgeries are quite common in Thailand, and so there are many skilled surgeons. In addition, surgeries cost far less than they would in the US, for example. And because the surgeries are so common, it's possible to book a surgery relatively quickly. In many cases, just a month or two after a phone consultation is doable.
So how much would all of this cost?
I've looked into some of the top surgeons in Thailand, and the average price seems to be $3500-4500 USD. This includes the surgery, anesthesia, recovery, medicine, meals, and even transportation to and from the hospital.
The costs I am trying to fund are approximately:
- $4500 for surgery
- $1400 for two tickets to Thailand (my husband and I)
- $200 for Gofundme's fees
I do need to bring my husband with me for not only emotional support, but for physical support as well. After surgery, I will be unable to lift anything for several weeks, including things like luggage, and I will need help with bathing, dressing, and everyday life.
Is there a set timeline?
The sooner the better, honestly, as far as my health is concerned. But is there a hard deadline? No. I can theoretically get this surgery at any point.
Part of me dreams that it will be possible in August, because both my husband and I will have a summer break from teaching, and well...it's my birthday.
In the future, my husband and I hope to move to another country that is more accepting of transgender people, but that is a goal that is probably further off, as it will also take quite a bit of money to move. And at the moment, our jobs are more stable than my emotions and state of mind.
I want desperately to live my life as my authentic self. I want to feel like me, in my own skin. I want to look in the mirror and recognize the person looking back.
But I'll need a little help to get there.
And so, if you can help in any way, whether it be via some extra funds or a share on social media, I would be so very thankful.
I would also like to add, to those of you who are family and friends, who are only now finding out about my gender identity, please know I only withheld this information out of fear. Coming out this way, in such a public manner, is nothing less than terrifying, but I have to try. If there is even the slightest chance that someone out there can help me reach my goal, then I have to try.
Please help me try.
My sincerest thanks, dear reader,
~ Taimat
Organizer
Taimat Talamonti
Organizer