Help Zane out

You may or may not know who I am, but my name's Zane. I'm a Media Production student from the UK that's in a bit of a dilemma.

I'm about to go into my final year of university, but if I'm unable to pay my first instalment of rent (which is due on the 30th of September 2018) on the house I've placed a deposit on, then I lose the deposit, I am stuck in a housing contract which amounts to £9,000 a year and I get charged an additional £40 a week for every week that the rent is late (plus admin fees).

Not only this but I will unable to commute to university, resulting in me having to drop out. This would then make my existing student loans become repayable immediately, rather than small increments being taken out of my wages after earning over a certain amount as a graduate. This means that I will not only be lumbered with the house payments and the fines for not being able to pay it, but I will be hit with 3 years of student loans which I need to repay as soon as I can.

To top it all off, my parents are currently going through a divorce and I'm the one who's paying the rent and the bills for the house we're currently in, as my mother is too ill to work herself. She has been in/out of the doctor's surgery for the past 2 years and the doctors have no idea what the issue is with her. They say she shares similar symptoms to somebody with M.S. but they have also ruled it out at the same time. The other night I found her passed out on our kitchen floor.

I'm not a lazy person that's trying to take advantage of people's kindness. I have a job working at Tesco but my contract is only 12 hours a week (plus any overtime that I can get my hands on), so I'm only able to earn £408 of the 1,560 in the time that it's due (and that's without worrying about my mothers rent too). I also apply for freelance graphic design jobs daily on PeoplePerHour daily, but I am rarely accepted for them, and whenever I am, the most I've ever made is £30 for a 6-day job. I also help run my friend's web-based game client-side, for the odd £20-40 every so often but despite all of my efforts, I'm still in this position.

I don't even really want to be writing this because I have a lot of pride and asking for help isn't in my nature. I spend all day long doing things for other people and never really express my own worries to others. I've been working really hard and I've been holding this back for about 2 months now but lately, my mental health has taken a toll and the only thought that's been rushing through my head is suicide. I've felt so lost that the only option I could think of was to end it if this situation didn't pan out the way I need it to, it's only on the advice of a friend that I swallowed my pride and decided to try and see if anyone is willing to help me on here.

I feel deeply ashamed for doing this gofundme thing, and for playing the suicide card, but it's genuinely how I feel and I think it's better I take any opportunities that I can to get me out of this situation before doing anything drastic. If you do know me, even if you don't have anything to spare financially, hopefully reading this will help you understand what's going on in my world and if you are willing to donate to this thing then you will literally be saving me from either a lifetime of struggling or potentially worse. 

Thanks for spending the time to read this, I appreciate it.


P.S. For those who play the game that I help run, I don't want to give the illusion that you'll get items or perks ingame for helping me out, this is completely separate from that, so please don't expect anything in return aside from my gratitude. Just had to put that out there.
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Z D 
Derby, ENG

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