Hello, I would tell you my name but honestly I'm afraid she'll find this.

I've been married for 14 years to a woman who is manipulative, emotionally abusive, and financially abusive. I have done all I can to stick together with the age-old excuse of "because of the kids," but she has put us further and further in the hole.

She has absolute control over our finances and our lives, using it to play petty power games while she screams and swears and threatens our kids or manipulates them against each other. She has a history of smashing her arms and legs against the edges of furniture and threatening to call the cops on me. She's threatened to murder-suicide herself and the kids in front of both me and her own mother when she doesn't get her way, and worse.

I need help getting out, really and truly I do.

What I plan on using any support for:

o First and foremost, I need a divorce lawyer.

I called around and it seems the basic retainer that I get quoted most frequently is in the range of $5,000.

o Secondly, I need help catching up on all the bills she constantly lets fall behind.

We have no excuse to be struggling this hard, to be this far behind on everything. We make - made - six figures between the two of us but she pulls everything to her CashApp and overdrafts the account every day. All of the bills in the house are presently in her name only, except the lease which is in mine. It is my hope that with the lawyer's help I can get everything switched to me so that I can take control of my family's life and security once more.

o Finally, and of the lowest priority, I need a car.

Not a fancy car, not a new car, I'll take the cheapest beater I can find on Craigslist or Facebook Marketplace. I have a member of her own family who is willing to loan me a car so that I can actually gain some of that freedom and independence and ability to take my own children to school or the doctor. So, I am going to have access to some wheels soon, but ultimately I'll need something that is mine, rather than borrowed.

What I have done so far:

o I've got my paychecks direct deposited to an account she does not have access to. She also doesn't know what bank it's with.

o Our house is a place we rent, owned by her mother, who has been supporting me emotionally and with advice, but is living paycheck to paycheck. The deal was we would pay the mortgage in exchange for owning the house ourselves at the end, but due to her financial abuse, we've faced foreclosure two times this year alone. I worked out a deal with her mother - our landlord - to have the house and the lease fully in my name only.

o I've secured a car that I can borrow as a stop-gap until I can get my own. This way, I can have security and the ability to transport our children to school, doctor's appointments, etc. One of the ways she's controlled me for so many years is by preventing me from gaining a vehicle.

Note: Yes, I know pictures would help me gain traction, but I am terrified of adding any she would recognize.