Help Erika Get Back on Track
Hello, my name is Erika Szabo. I'm a YouTube personality and freelance blogger/editor based in Toronto, Canada.
I'm currently going through some financial dark times. That has been taken a step further with a last-minute financial pay cut that has greatly affected my ability to live comfortably. I have had to sell a good portion of my belongings as well as drop out of my Continuing Studies course at OCADU, and cease short-term schooling until I can get myself back on track (Continuing Studies programs do not typically offer loan opportunities).
While I've been looking for more work opportunities as a freelance blogger/editor/community manager, the fact that I have very little work stability at this time has greatly hindered me. I still have other ways of making income like small projects with clients, retail and my recent return to YouTube in hopes of softening this financial blow, but I'm finding it difficult to do this alone without some sort of greater financial aid.
10 years experience working as a freelance writer and personality has brought me both a lot of good and bad. Over this time, I've grown to realize that no matter how passionate and driven I am in the work I do (I currently work 3 jobs/6 days a week), sometimes that just isn't enough to reach the goals or help me achieve the self-care I so wish for.
For awhile money wasn't a concern, but since then I've had to deal with a few discouraging matters:
*Expensive immigration lawyer fees for an unfortunate immigration issue that fell upon me (something I've been dealing with since 2009, but still haven't been able to pay off).
*Chronic, and sometimes debilitating, back pain after fracturing and displacing my tail bone in a sports injury. This year, I had to have back tissue surgery due to an aggressive softball-sized abscess that developed within a week.
While there are a few more matters that have affected me, these are the two major ones that come to mind and have impacted me the greatest both financially and mentally.
As someone with depression and PTSD, finding closure within myself through these ever-apparent issues, and knowing how they are affecting me now, has been a big challenge.
I feel very fortunate to have free weekly counseling sessions at Planned Parenthood Toronto in order to help me stay grounded and find ways to trust others despite a history of emotional/physical abuse, family alcoholism, being exposed to domestic violence at a young age, sexual assault and various instances of humiliation, distrust and fear. I've been bettering myself to the best of my abilities, but it's hard to feel fully in control and at peace when there are many thoughts looming through my mind:
"When will I be able to pay for long-term physiotherapy and private health insurance if I hardly have the means to pay my own bills (hydro, phone bill, internet etc.)? "
"What's going to happen when Planned Parenthood can no longer support me with my mental health issues (PPT can only support patients up to the age of 30, I am 27). I know these issues will last me a lifetime, what can I do then?"
"How am I supposed to help support my Mami and Apa (mom and dad) when they need me most (such as during this year's breast cancer health scare or substance abuse problem)?"
"How am I supposed to possibly pay for my expensive immigration waiver fees and actually be able to enter the U.S. ? I've been barred for 10 years (since I was 21), this severely limits work opportunities for me. What can I do to move forward?"
"How am I supposed to continue skill building (via Continuing Studies courses) or pay for new equipment (a PC setup, external microphone, lighting), and invest back into my business as an online personality if I can hardly even afford to buy myself groceries or even buy myself lunch?"
"How can I continue to afford my art studio space (a place that offers me bountiful amounts of creativity and happiness)?"
"How can I possibly hope to fully take care of myself when I'm left selling my belongings in order to pay my rent and bills each month?"
These are just a few things that constantly race through my mind. While I'm thankful for the things I've learned and have had the chance to experience, it saddens me to know how little control I have over financial matters.
I'm looking into fundraising options to help me during this difficult time so I can get back on track and live a happier, stress-free life. I don't think the amount I'm asking for will cover all of my needs, but it at least helps jump start me forward.
Any kind of help would be much appreciated, big or small. I'm not sure what GoFundMe's process is like in terms of paying out people like myself, but I could definitely use at least a portion of these funds within the month.
Asking for help is not something I enjoy doing, but through therapy I've realized that it really is worth trusting others and that kindness is a lot more prevalent then I often choose to believe. This is an exercise for me to build that trust both within myself and others, and get the help I need.