The hardest thing I’ve ever had to do

Hi, my name is Kino Finch. My family and I have been homesteading on a retired dairy farm out in Ramona, Ca. for the past two years. The property is owned by my son’s grandparents, and we have been working towards our dream of buying it from them in order to build our forever home. It has not been easy, but, until last week, it was a rewarding struggle that we have enjoyed the pioneering challenges of. The community out here has been wonderful, my son has been embraced as a student athlete and has made great friends. We have only looked forward to sinking our roots in here.

We are a family of animal lovers, and one of the main motivations for the move out here was our other son/brother/dog/best friend, Nipsy Noodle.

Taj and I adopted him when he was 10 weeks old, and he was instantly the center of our universe. My girlfriend, Kat, fell in love the minute we came through the door. His birthday was the day before Taj’s and we celebrated him turning 3 years old on Jan 26th, 2024.

On the evening of Jan 30th, after putting my son to bed, I went out and spent some time in the barn that we have converted into a giant dog kennel for Nipsy and the rest of our pack. I do this most nights, and always remember to put a carabiner through the latch, which stops them from knocking the gate open by jumping up against it.

At 5:45 am on January 31st, I woke up knowing something was wrong. Looking out our window, I saw our 2 youngest pups running near the back fence of the property. Jumping up and rushing outside, I could hear the alarm for the electric fence letting me know that the circuit had been broken. I quickly gathered the two young pups and kenneled them up, while noticing that the gate had been knocked open, and that I must have forgotten to put the lock in place. As I was cursing myself for this, our female dog, Lela, came running back into the kennel, obviously traumatized. At this point, I put some pants on, and started out looking for them. I got a call a few minutes later that went something like:

”Hi, do you have a dog named Nipsy?…I have him here, and not under the best of circumstances. They came to out farm, and have killed a sheep and a goat…”

I don’t remember too much more, but I jumped into my girlfriend’s car to go pick up my dogs and deal with the consequences.

When I got to the farm, I wasn’t prepared for the devastation. The poor caretaker and his wife were in obvious shock, and I quickly joined them when I realized what had happened.

Nipsy was a big, 125lb shepherd mix- but was not a violent dog. Lobo and Lela are smaller mixes, and more volatile under stress. When the scene plays over and over in my head, it goes something like this:

5:30 am- Lela or one of the puppies knocks the gate open. Lela starts running around and realizes she doesn’t have her shock collar on. She encourages Nipsy and Lobo to rush across the “invisible fence” line, which snaps the wire and sets off the alarm. The 3 older dogs then go on a mission, while the 2 younger pups stay at the fence line and whine.

By 6:00am they have run past multiple farms and livestock, There are cows and other farms with goats/sheep between our place and the farm they ended up on, but at this one, they ended up in the pen and were messing with the livestock. The caretakers came out and started yelling at them…which probably got Nipsy to come over to him, likely agitated, but, ultimately looking for help to de-escalate the situation. Lobo likely went the other way with his agitation and between him and his sister, killed two sheep and a goat before the caretaker shot Nipsy dead. At that point, Lobo and Lela scattered, with her running home.

I don’t know how long I laid there with him, but eventually I realized that I had to face the rest of the day. I had to apologize that my actions caused this tragedy, and will never be able to forgive myself for putting them into that position.

I had to go get my truck in order to bring my boy home. When I got in the door, the words fell out of my mouth and sucked all of the air out of the room. My son insisted on coming with me to bring his brother home.

When we got back to the farm, and Taj saw Nipsy’s body, he let out a gasping cry- and as soon as it escaped, one of the dead sheep jumped to its feet and came back to life! As grateful as we are for that, the same miracle did not occur for our boy, and we have been in a walking nightmare ever since.

I have loved and lost family, best friends, girlfriends, heroes, and hope before. I’ve felt despair that makes you forget how to breathe, and been so numb that I’ve truly believed I’d never feel again. Nips was the antidote to numbness, the little extra nudge that you need to get going, the light at the end of the tunnel. He was all of the best parts of life, wrapped up in an all-encompassing hug. He was our king shepherd, and no matter how tough the path was, you knew you’d be okay with him by your side.

We are now adrift. It rained for 2 days after the incident, but nothing feels washed clean. We have started slowly picking up the pieces, and while some of the darkness has lifted, we are still having a hard time getting back to our dream. We will get it figured out and back on track, but the road feels even longer and steeper than before.

The owner of the farm just sent me an emergency vets bill for just under $1,600, and is asking me for an additional $1,200 to $1,400 to replace the animals that were lost.

My pride and ultimate responsibility for the situation make asking for help from my family and friends feel like the absolute lowest of the low. I want to just stuff $3k in an envelope, drop it off, pack everything I can fit into my truck, leave and never look back…but I know that is not the way. I need to pick myself up and get my family back to feeling safe and protected.

Asking for help is really hard, but I have found myself down on my knees too many times in the past few days, to deny that I probably could use some.

This is my fault, and my responsibility. I am so sorry to burden anyone with the weight of it, and am more than willing to set up a way to repay any assistance that is available. Thank you for all of the love and understanding - I don’t know where we’d be without it.