One winter while I was in the midst of applying to medical school, I began having muscle and joint pain in my arms, legs, and hands. The pain was accompanied by a fever of unknown origin. The symptoms came as a sudden onset, not gradual. I made several trips to the ER and had a ton of blood drawn to determine the problem. After a month of ER visits, I was referred to an Internal Medicine doctor for further evaluation.

After a few visits and many labs, I was told I was severely anemic and needed to see an Oncologist and Blood Disorders Specialist. I was given iron pills that made me sick to my stomach so I was taken off of them. I had lost 20 lbs and I lost the color from my skin. I was so pale and skinny, I looked like death walking. I was tired all the time and the pain was so bad it was a struggle to get up and take a shower. I had to withdraw my medical school applications because I was too sick to go on interviews in the secondary phase. My iron level kept going down, my white blood cell count kept going up, and my sed rate was 95 (normal value is 1-20). They thought I had cancer so I underwent a bone marrow biopsy. The procedure was pretty painful, but the results were cancer free. I was started on iron infusions to help the anemia. This didn’t help with the pain though.

For two years, I had undergone multiple doctors visits, cat scans, MRI’s, iron transfusions, weekly blood draws, and a great deal of pain and frustration. I would still go to work but it felt like I was 95 years old in the body of a 22 year old. I didn’t go out with my friends because I was so pale and weak. I didn’t want anyone to see me looking like that. If I went out, I didn’t take any pictures because of the way I looked. I developed GI issues and had a colonoscopy, upper GI, and barium swallow. I developed IBS and terrible reflux. A rash appeared on my face across the bridge of my nose. I wore concealer daily to cover the discoloration. I was miserable and tired of being in pain. I wanted to die, I felt like no one should have to live in pain everyday. My doctor had retired so I was sent to a new doctor and after 2 years of pain, I was finally diagnosed with systemic lupus. I didn’t know a lot about lupus then. I just knew that people get really sick and can even die from it.

After I was given the diagnosis, I was started on a very highdose of prednisone. It was the worst thing ever. I developed migraines from the prednisone and I later developed Cushing’s disease from long term steroid use. My face was so fat and puffy. I was still very miserable. I felt like I had lost a battle and wasn’t getting any better. My doctors did not have a good prognosis. They didn’t think I would live past 25 years old. I was at peace with dying at that point. I just wanted my life back. Just when I had given up, I started getting better. I was weaned down and eventually off the prednisone. My pain was decreasing day by day and I was starting to feel like myself again. I developed some minor respiratory issues and reproductive issues also.

I have been in remission for almost 10 years now. I went back to school and became a nurse. I still have minor flare-ups from time to time but have been off prednisone for 5 years. I can honestly say I fought and I am a survivor. It definitely wasn’t easy. I still see my doctors just to make sure everything is okay. I had to make some life style changes to keep my lupus at bay. I feel like I missed out on 2 years of my life fighting lupus and I feel like this is my second chance to live life to the fullest. There is nothing in this world I cannot do. Fighting lupus was the hardest thing I have ever done.

After my lupus went in remission, my reproductive issues got worse. I suffered from Endometriosis, cystic ovaries, and an ovarian torsion. It was painful and effected my quality of life. I had 5 surgeries before an abrupt decision had to be made to have a partial hysterectomy with removal of my uterus because of a build up of scar tissue from procedures and surgery. I was devastated. All I ever wanted was to have children. I was depressed for a while. I wanted twins and I knew what I would name them. It was my dream and it was taken from me in a heartbeat. I had to overcome that and move on knowing that the only way to fulfill my dream of children would be adoption or surrogacy and I learned to be okay with that. After this, I continued to have minor flares from lupus and one last surgery for a cyst on my ovary. Medically I was stable for years.

Thanksgiving of 2015 I was engaged to my now husband. It was over the moon excited. Life was finally easy and starting to make sense. I was feeling good and just happy. In April of 2016, I went for a physical and a swollen lymph node on the side of my neck was discovered. Being that I have an autoimmune disorder, swollen lymph nodes are not uncommon. My doctor ordered and ultrasound just to make sure everything was ok. The ultrasound lead to a biopsy that lead to a diagnosis of Papillary Carcinoma which is better known as Thyroid Cancer. The mass was in my thyroid but had spread to lymph nodes in my neck. I thought my life was over. How could this possibly happen, why does everything medically happen to me. My doctor said it was a “good cancer” and the treatment was surgery and a chemo radiation and that would be it. Well that was not it. I had a thyroidectomy and bilateral neck dissection in May. The surgery and recovery was brutal and painful. My thyroid along with 119 lymph nodes were removed. My neck was paralyzed for months and my vocal cords suffered damage. I had my first chemo radiation in July and had to isolate for 5 days. I pressed on and still had a beautiful wedding in September of 2016. In October of 2016. I was told I had to have another surgery because of recurrent cancerous lymph nodes. I wanted a second opinion and transferred care to Winship Cancer Center. I had my second surgery in 2018 on my neck and my second round of chemo radiation a month later with a seven day isolation. 4 years later, I am still not cancer free. My diagnosis is now Metastatic Papillary Carcinoma. I am awaiting my next treatment plan currently. We began seeing a fertility specialist in 2016 but after every chemo radiation, I had to wait a year to do any fertility treatments. My fertility plans were halted by recurrent cancer treatments. At this time, I am stable while a treatment plan is being put in place but the quality of my eggs have decreased due to multiple cancer treatments and am now told that I may have to resort to use a donor egg if after my eggs are not mature enough after the egg retrieval and use a surrogate which comes with a price tag of up to $100,000.  Ever since I began having issues medically, I have worked not missing a day except for surgery/ treatment and recovery. I am still working as a nurse on the frontline through this COVID 19 pandemic. I have seen so much life end in 2020. I have given so much as a wife, step mother, friend, and nurse. It is time for me to get my dream of having a child and starting a family with my husband.