I am doing something I have never done before - sharing a plea from a family who has chosen to tell their story in an effort to Save Their Child. Your support will mean the world to them. Here is their story:
Our family is a lot like yours. If you had asked us to describe our family more than a year ago, we would have said, “Our family life, like most, is a mixture of highs and lows, joys and sorrows. Overall, we love each other and are doing well.”
However, that all changed a year ago when our son James began to spiral downward.
As a young child, our son James (his name has been changed to protect his privacy) had many struggles to overcome. The trauma of being abandoned as a baby, living in a foster home and then being adopted, led to a host of early behavioural issues followed by a diagnosis of ADHD and learning disabilities, to name a few.
With much love, compassion and building of trust however, our son developed into a joyful child. James was an avid reader, polite, and a great athlete. His future looked bright and certain. He was active at school with good grades and involved in competitive sports.
Seemingly without warning in November 2019, things changed. James’ behaviour started to spiral downwards. It was as if a switch had been flipped in his brain. He lost interest in school and stopped participating in extra-curricular programs. Soon after he dropped out of his favourite sports and started withdrawing at home.
The changes were immediate, drastic and inexplicable, accelerating at a rapid pace. The lovely young man we called our son, had suddenly changed into a belligerent, verbally abusive person to those closest to him. He started stealing, drinking, vaping, using drugs. He dropped out of school and started not coming home at night. He became physically intimidating towards us and even destroyed some of our property. He just didn’t seem to care about anything or anyone, including himself, anymore. Unless you have experienced this, you cannot imagine the devastation this brought to our family.
We sought special help. Unwilling to let our son deteriorate further, we looked into every avenue of help. We researched everything we could, talked to hundreds of people, made calls to every mental health agency. We even reached out to Michael Tibollo, the Associate Minister of Mental Health and Addictions for Ontario Ministry of Health. But all to no avail.
Then COVID hit and the situation worsened. James would disappear for long periods of time as the spiral continued downward. Soon things were out of control. We sought treatment in the form of counselling, medication, and psychotherapy but to no avail. We had hit rock bottom, or so we thought.
In March we almost lost James due to an overdose of prescription medications which resulted in a trip to the hospital emergency room. We thought that we lost him for good. After waiting for 36 hours in emergency to see a psychiatrist, we were only given a rushed 5-minute meeting with the doctor and youth worker on call. We were simply told to take him home and continue doing what we had set in place. There was no other follow-up or information given.
The system for youth is broken. Even though Assistant Health Minister Tibollo agreed that our family was in serious crisis, the only direction provided to us by him and his staff was to reach out to a multiple number of youth mental health agencies, which we had already done repeatedly. We had hit a wall.
The facts speak for themselves - as few as 1 in 5 youth will get access to appropriate treatment for mental health issues. The Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH) estimates that young people 13 to 24 are more likely to experience mental illness and/or substance use disorders than any other age group. In the worst cases, kids never get the help they need.
Now what? How many more times does our son have to come close to death before appropriate treatment services are provided? Despite reaching out to all available public and private child and family service agencies, government agencies, mental health treatment centres in Canada, none of these services were able to do anything more than direct us back to the agencies we have already been in touch with - social workers, psychologists, psychiatrists, psychotherapists, our personal physician, mentors, boards of education and their resources, plus alternative support workers.
Can anyone help? Repeatedly we kept hearing the same conclusions from various agencies, hospitals, police and government officials alike, “I’m sorry. There is nothing we can do to help.” Despite the fact that our son was engaging in substance misuse and suffering from undiagnosed mental health issues, we did not give up. Through an exhaustive search of treatment centres we discovered a place that has all the necessary programs to help our son James overcome his life-threatening challenges. Finally, we have found a place that specializes in cases like James - Pine River Institute - an accredited residential treatment centre and outdoor leadership experience for youth 13 to 19 struggling with mental health issues and addictive behaviours located near Shelburne, Ontario.
James has been on the wait list since May 2020 with no hope of any availability for a publicly funded space until May or June of 2021. However, this week we were surprised to hear that a privately funded space at Pine River finally came available for the first week of January 2021. That is why we are reaching out to you - because we lack the financial resources to pursue this most important and hopeful avenue. We cannot cover all the expenses. The cost of his treatment and education for the next year is much greater than the $75,000 needed. Beyond affordable for most, including our family.
We’ve all heard the saying, “It takes a village to raise a child.” Over the years, we have learned just how true this is. It takes a number of people not just to raise a child but, more importantly, to save a child… our child!
Thank you for taking the time to read our story. Our child is in danger and that is why we are swallowing our pride and asking for support. It is not something we ever expected. We have tried to do everything we can, but we can’t do this without you - our village.
Immediate treatment is just around the corner for our son. Please join with us to ensure he gets the help he so urgently needs. Help in any way you can through a small or large donation or by sharing our story with other friends, family or colleagues. And please post this story in your social media network, including any organizations that you think might be able to help us. We know that to the world he is just one child, but to us he is the whole world. We want our son back.
* If our GoFundMe exceeds the required amount for residential treatment for our son, we will donate that amount to help other youth in a similar situation to ensure their lives do not just become another statistic.
* The shocking truth. All parents should be shocked by what we discovered and are now working hard to change. Are you aware that current laws prohibit parents from being able to make decisions on their own child’s behalf after the age of 12 years? Are you aware that children over 12 years of age can accept or deny their own treatment in Ontario? As parents, our rights to provide the best possible intervention for our child is limited not only by funds, but also by the law itself. Treatment such as: counselling, medication, or psychotherapy cannot be provided to a young person without their consent. In other words, the young person’s decision is the final decision, regardless of whether or not they are capable of making an informed decision.
* The long waitlists for care and lifesaving services have gotten worse during the shut downs due to the pandemic. Child and youth emergency departments and hospital visits for mental disorders have risen by 54% to 60% over the last decade. There is no doubt that the debilitating effects of COVID are driving those numbers up even more.
Our family is a lot like yours. If you had asked us to describe our family more than a year ago, we would have said, “Our family life, like most, is a mixture of highs and lows, joys and sorrows. Overall, we love each other and are doing well.”
However, that all changed a year ago when our son James began to spiral downward.
As a young child, our son James (his name has been changed to protect his privacy) had many struggles to overcome. The trauma of being abandoned as a baby, living in a foster home and then being adopted, led to a host of early behavioural issues followed by a diagnosis of ADHD and learning disabilities, to name a few.
With much love, compassion and building of trust however, our son developed into a joyful child. James was an avid reader, polite, and a great athlete. His future looked bright and certain. He was active at school with good grades and involved in competitive sports.
Seemingly without warning in November 2019, things changed. James’ behaviour started to spiral downwards. It was as if a switch had been flipped in his brain. He lost interest in school and stopped participating in extra-curricular programs. Soon after he dropped out of his favourite sports and started withdrawing at home.
The changes were immediate, drastic and inexplicable, accelerating at a rapid pace. The lovely young man we called our son, had suddenly changed into a belligerent, verbally abusive person to those closest to him. He started stealing, drinking, vaping, using drugs. He dropped out of school and started not coming home at night. He became physically intimidating towards us and even destroyed some of our property. He just didn’t seem to care about anything or anyone, including himself, anymore. Unless you have experienced this, you cannot imagine the devastation this brought to our family.
We sought special help. Unwilling to let our son deteriorate further, we looked into every avenue of help. We researched everything we could, talked to hundreds of people, made calls to every mental health agency. We even reached out to Michael Tibollo, the Associate Minister of Mental Health and Addictions for Ontario Ministry of Health. But all to no avail.
Then COVID hit and the situation worsened. James would disappear for long periods of time as the spiral continued downward. Soon things were out of control. We sought treatment in the form of counselling, medication, and psychotherapy but to no avail. We had hit rock bottom, or so we thought.
In March we almost lost James due to an overdose of prescription medications which resulted in a trip to the hospital emergency room. We thought that we lost him for good. After waiting for 36 hours in emergency to see a psychiatrist, we were only given a rushed 5-minute meeting with the doctor and youth worker on call. We were simply told to take him home and continue doing what we had set in place. There was no other follow-up or information given.
The system for youth is broken. Even though Assistant Health Minister Tibollo agreed that our family was in serious crisis, the only direction provided to us by him and his staff was to reach out to a multiple number of youth mental health agencies, which we had already done repeatedly. We had hit a wall.
The facts speak for themselves - as few as 1 in 5 youth will get access to appropriate treatment for mental health issues. The Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH) estimates that young people 13 to 24 are more likely to experience mental illness and/or substance use disorders than any other age group. In the worst cases, kids never get the help they need.
Now what? How many more times does our son have to come close to death before appropriate treatment services are provided? Despite reaching out to all available public and private child and family service agencies, government agencies, mental health treatment centres in Canada, none of these services were able to do anything more than direct us back to the agencies we have already been in touch with - social workers, psychologists, psychiatrists, psychotherapists, our personal physician, mentors, boards of education and their resources, plus alternative support workers.
Can anyone help? Repeatedly we kept hearing the same conclusions from various agencies, hospitals, police and government officials alike, “I’m sorry. There is nothing we can do to help.” Despite the fact that our son was engaging in substance misuse and suffering from undiagnosed mental health issues, we did not give up. Through an exhaustive search of treatment centres we discovered a place that has all the necessary programs to help our son James overcome his life-threatening challenges. Finally, we have found a place that specializes in cases like James - Pine River Institute - an accredited residential treatment centre and outdoor leadership experience for youth 13 to 19 struggling with mental health issues and addictive behaviours located near Shelburne, Ontario.
James has been on the wait list since May 2020 with no hope of any availability for a publicly funded space until May or June of 2021. However, this week we were surprised to hear that a privately funded space at Pine River finally came available for the first week of January 2021. That is why we are reaching out to you - because we lack the financial resources to pursue this most important and hopeful avenue. We cannot cover all the expenses. The cost of his treatment and education for the next year is much greater than the $75,000 needed. Beyond affordable for most, including our family.
We’ve all heard the saying, “It takes a village to raise a child.” Over the years, we have learned just how true this is. It takes a number of people not just to raise a child but, more importantly, to save a child… our child!
Thank you for taking the time to read our story. Our child is in danger and that is why we are swallowing our pride and asking for support. It is not something we ever expected. We have tried to do everything we can, but we can’t do this without you - our village.
Immediate treatment is just around the corner for our son. Please join with us to ensure he gets the help he so urgently needs. Help in any way you can through a small or large donation or by sharing our story with other friends, family or colleagues. And please post this story in your social media network, including any organizations that you think might be able to help us. We know that to the world he is just one child, but to us he is the whole world. We want our son back.
* If our GoFundMe exceeds the required amount for residential treatment for our son, we will donate that amount to help other youth in a similar situation to ensure their lives do not just become another statistic.
* The shocking truth. All parents should be shocked by what we discovered and are now working hard to change. Are you aware that current laws prohibit parents from being able to make decisions on their own child’s behalf after the age of 12 years? Are you aware that children over 12 years of age can accept or deny their own treatment in Ontario? As parents, our rights to provide the best possible intervention for our child is limited not only by funds, but also by the law itself. Treatment such as: counselling, medication, or psychotherapy cannot be provided to a young person without their consent. In other words, the young person’s decision is the final decision, regardless of whether or not they are capable of making an informed decision.
* The long waitlists for care and lifesaving services have gotten worse during the shut downs due to the pandemic. Child and youth emergency departments and hospital visits for mental disorders have risen by 54% to 60% over the last decade. There is no doubt that the debilitating effects of COVID are driving those numbers up even more.
Organizer and beneficiary
Kathryn Eve
Beneficiary