Getting My Life Back

Dear reader,

My name is Melissa and I'm a thirty year old mother of two.

A couple of years ago, I made a decision that would change my life forever, and currently, for the worst, but I have hope.

For the majority of my life, I looked in the mirror and thought I wasn’t good enough. “My breasts are too small, I should look a certain way, I need big breasts to feel womanly”, were just a few of the thoughts I tormented myself with for years. I shamed myself so much and after having two kids and breastfeeding, my body continued to change and I hated what I saw in the mirror. I was going through a divorce at that time and was at a low point in my life. I had no self esteem. I had no guidance. I decided to do something to boost my confidence and made an appointment to have a boob job. I used the money I received from selling the house my ex-husband and I bought together and it was the worst decision of my life. There were no warnings that my body would potentially reject the implants or that I could possibly be allergic. It all happened so quickly. I was scheduled within a week after my consultation and never thought there was a need for research before having surgery. Afterall, I trusted the experts.

About 6 months after having the surgery, my health began to drastically decline. In one month's span, I saw more doctors than I had ever seen in my life. I was hospitalized for days at a time. I didn’t immediately think that my implants were the cause for the decline of my health. I cut things out of my diet, added things to my diet, trying too many different ways to count. I became afraid of eating because I didn’t know what was going to trigger some type of reaction. I changed my environment, spent money on expensive air purifiers, moved multiple times because I blamed mold and any other thing I could try to relate my symptoms to. I removed pets from the house, removed all the toxic and artificial chemicals in our home, I did literally everything I could think of to try and find some relief.

Numerous Doctors explained that I was having some type of allergic reaction or that I had an infection but could never explain the reasons why. My body has been fighting for almost 2 years. I have been prescribed drug after drug and have received no answers other than I was born this way or I am predisposed. My weight has fluctuated several times, going from as little as 100 pounds to 150 pounds.

I made this decision because I was uncomfortable with myself and what I once saw in the mirror as ugly. Before the surgery, I was healthy and never had a reason to see a Doctor. I live with fear for what the future holds for me. As time passes by, not only do symptoms seem to get worse, new symptoms arise.

My children have seen me unable to get out of bed, unable to walk and on the floor crying from the pain. My 6 and 7 year old babies have seen me literally broken on the bathroom floor, weeping, knowing only that their mom is sick, AGAIN.

Their little hands rubbing my back telling me it's going to be okay and asking if they can help, just breaks my heart. I never imagined there would be nights or days that I couldn’t be with them because I was in the hospital or nights that I couldn’t tuck them in because I physically could not find the strength. It hasn’t been fair to my family and there were times that I felt like giving up and thought they’d be better off because I felt like such a burden.

I know with every fiber in my body that these toxic bags are the reason for my sickness. I've spent thousands of dollars on medical bills and prescriptions, only to have these symptoms return with a vengeance. I'm ready to heal from the inside out and my children are ready to have their mom back. I would give anything to be healthy again.

Surprisingly, it is more expensive to have an explant and reconstruction surgery than it is to have them put in.

Even if you cannot help, I would urge you to share this with someone you know that might be considering the surgery.