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Living with Stage 4 Metastatic Breast Cancer….
Growing up, my mother always told me, if you fall off a horse, you got to get right back on. I wonder if she knew that one day that horse would be Cancer? It would be 2 years (June 2013) after my beautiful mother succumb to her own battle with cancer that I would be told that I have Stage 4 Metastatic Breast Cancer that had spread to my bones at the age of 39.
Treatment was immediate and consuming. Ten beams of Radiation for ten days to my lower back and left shoulder – thankfully no major organs were affected but the effects to my lower back would be forever. I was immediately put into a constant state of menopause from a shot I receive monthly along with a shot to keep my bones strong to fight off the caner that was invading them. Life as I knew it was a thing of the past.
The first 2 years of my diagnosis, I had 3 surgeries, 48 shots, 9 body scans, consumed countless oral chemo pills and 20 treatments of Herceptin – my veins no longer roll over, they run from needles and they now have to use an ultra sound machine to find them. While we had the cancer stable in the first year, I learned last October that it had spread to the lymph nodes in my lungs and the first of this year it spread to my chest bone, left shoulder blade and left hip bone. Oral chemo stabilized the cancer and I was beyond hopeful that this would be my treatment for the foreseeable future. I am aware that in time the cancer will outgrow the oral chemo and it will back to the tool box for another tool. Part of my daily prayers is that my tool box never empties and there will always be something to keep the cancer stable.
June of this year, I began experiencing a shortness of breath that had me in the ER last Thanksgiving and thought I was getting a cold or something but it was so much more than that. I had fluid filling my lungs that literally took my breath away. The act of sitting up in bed became almost impossible. Always being out of breath and trying to catch your breath is something I can only compare to having a paper cut but on your lungs. You don’t realize how much you use something until every time you use it, there is an intense and consuming pain instantly. There were days I thought I was drowning in my own body and wished for God to take me. I was able to get the fluid drained temporarily by inserting a large needle into my back and 4 lbs. of fluid was removed from each lung that tested positive for cancer cells. I was admitted into the hospital to undergo a talc procedure for the pleural effusions – truly, way too much medical jargon for me, I was poked by too many needles to count, felt the weight of my cancer and had one less tool left in my tool box – it was officially time for infusion chemo, every 3 weeks indefinitely. While my body was trying to recover from the pleural effusions and the talc that fused my lungs with ribs, I began chemo. It was day 11 that my hair started to fall out and I felt that the last 2 years of this fight was nothing compared to what I would endure now. I do not have the breathing capacity I used to, I get anemic (always tired with shortness of breath) that requires blood transfusions regularly and processing the loss of my hair. It was and continues to be a mental battle for who I am today vs. who I used to be. As I always say, I am not complaining I am explaining.
Cancer does not call, write or schedule an appointment – it knocks on your life door and lets itself in. And while I wish I could share that my battle has only been with the cancer, it has mostly been with the bureaucracies of insurance companies, Obamacare loop holes and our government. Each of those battles only caused my cancer to spread, countless doctor and household bills to pile up and a personal enlightenment that I needed financial help that would humble me in ways I never imagined. Being on this website asking for help from friends and strangers is not something I was programmed to do. Yet the financial support I have already been given and will continue to receive has shown me empathy, strength and the faith to keep fighting. Obamacare was less of a burden on my pocket book and I dealt with all the fine print and shortcomings of the policies I purchased but having disability, I am now covered under Medicare, all its parts and pay over $400.00 a month for it. Is this something I can afford, absolutely not but after having commercial insurance that covered something and then it didn’t, I can’t afford not pay that amount. I tell myself there is no price for peace of mind. And your kindness will help me keep this peace of mind...there will never be enough words to convey my appreciation but know not a day goes by that I do not thank the Good Lord above for each of you.
Growing up, my mother always told me, if you fall off a horse, you got to get right back on. I wonder if she knew that one day that horse would be Cancer? It would be 2 years (June 2013) after my beautiful mother succumb to her own battle with cancer that I would be told that I have Stage 4 Metastatic Breast Cancer that had spread to my bones at the age of 39.
Treatment was immediate and consuming. Ten beams of Radiation for ten days to my lower back and left shoulder – thankfully no major organs were affected but the effects to my lower back would be forever. I was immediately put into a constant state of menopause from a shot I receive monthly along with a shot to keep my bones strong to fight off the caner that was invading them. Life as I knew it was a thing of the past.
The first 2 years of my diagnosis, I had 3 surgeries, 48 shots, 9 body scans, consumed countless oral chemo pills and 20 treatments of Herceptin – my veins no longer roll over, they run from needles and they now have to use an ultra sound machine to find them. While we had the cancer stable in the first year, I learned last October that it had spread to the lymph nodes in my lungs and the first of this year it spread to my chest bone, left shoulder blade and left hip bone. Oral chemo stabilized the cancer and I was beyond hopeful that this would be my treatment for the foreseeable future. I am aware that in time the cancer will outgrow the oral chemo and it will back to the tool box for another tool. Part of my daily prayers is that my tool box never empties and there will always be something to keep the cancer stable.
June of this year, I began experiencing a shortness of breath that had me in the ER last Thanksgiving and thought I was getting a cold or something but it was so much more than that. I had fluid filling my lungs that literally took my breath away. The act of sitting up in bed became almost impossible. Always being out of breath and trying to catch your breath is something I can only compare to having a paper cut but on your lungs. You don’t realize how much you use something until every time you use it, there is an intense and consuming pain instantly. There were days I thought I was drowning in my own body and wished for God to take me. I was able to get the fluid drained temporarily by inserting a large needle into my back and 4 lbs. of fluid was removed from each lung that tested positive for cancer cells. I was admitted into the hospital to undergo a talc procedure for the pleural effusions – truly, way too much medical jargon for me, I was poked by too many needles to count, felt the weight of my cancer and had one less tool left in my tool box – it was officially time for infusion chemo, every 3 weeks indefinitely. While my body was trying to recover from the pleural effusions and the talc that fused my lungs with ribs, I began chemo. It was day 11 that my hair started to fall out and I felt that the last 2 years of this fight was nothing compared to what I would endure now. I do not have the breathing capacity I used to, I get anemic (always tired with shortness of breath) that requires blood transfusions regularly and processing the loss of my hair. It was and continues to be a mental battle for who I am today vs. who I used to be. As I always say, I am not complaining I am explaining.
Cancer does not call, write or schedule an appointment – it knocks on your life door and lets itself in. And while I wish I could share that my battle has only been with the cancer, it has mostly been with the bureaucracies of insurance companies, Obamacare loop holes and our government. Each of those battles only caused my cancer to spread, countless doctor and household bills to pile up and a personal enlightenment that I needed financial help that would humble me in ways I never imagined. Being on this website asking for help from friends and strangers is not something I was programmed to do. Yet the financial support I have already been given and will continue to receive has shown me empathy, strength and the faith to keep fighting. Obamacare was less of a burden on my pocket book and I dealt with all the fine print and shortcomings of the policies I purchased but having disability, I am now covered under Medicare, all its parts and pay over $400.00 a month for it. Is this something I can afford, absolutely not but after having commercial insurance that covered something and then it didn’t, I can’t afford not pay that amount. I tell myself there is no price for peace of mind. And your kindness will help me keep this peace of mind...there will never be enough words to convey my appreciation but know not a day goes by that I do not thank the Good Lord above for each of you.