(TW: Self-Harm, Mental Illness)

Hi, I'm Finn.

This past week has been one of the most painful weeks of my life. On the night of November 18th, 2021, I sat in my car sobbing wondering why I was going through all of this pain. I felt in that moment that the constant pain of living with gender dysphoria, anxiety, depression, and body dysmorphia - along with many transphobic comments occurring from guests that day - made it feel as though the misery wasn't worth battling anymore. If only this life was "easier".

I share this to provide more context. As someone working for a company they dreamed of working at as a child, I understood that I wouldn't be making money. I understood when I took the role that some times I may be living paycheck to paycheck, barely making rent and affording healthy food. Although I took this opportunity for the full time job and benefits, my insurance company only covers so much when they label themselves as "gender affirming care" providers. As I am one to hate asking for help, I understand that at this season of life, not asking for help isn't an option anymore. I can't keep living life half way filled.

As happy as I appear on social media and as happy as I truly am, happier than ever, gender and body dysmorphia suffocate my life daily. As a trans guy that has been on testosterone for six months, I have been lucky enough to have some of my gender dysmorphia been placed at bay. There are some glooming factors that still are here with me every day. The largest being my insurance company only covering part of the cost of testosterone every month, along with the steps to receive "top surgery".

I have been so grateful and lucky to have a platform on social media that has supported me so much already. Within the past four months, my community has supported me and lifted me up to raise around $5,000. This amount has been nothing but a reminder of how lucky I am to have a community of people supporting me every step of the way. With that $5,000 untouched, speaking with insurance companies over and over, the amount is not enough to take nexts step with top surgery.

So, now, I take this step that I have been too scared to do by raising funds for my own gender-affirming health care that allows me to express myself authentically. Gender-affirming care isn't cheap. Testosterone for the year is upwards of $1,600. A legal name change is upwards of $800. Top surgery is upwards of $10, 000 (not accounting for the month off work that is requested and paying upwards of $800 in rent). Simply put, living expenses must be paid and while doing that while making a low amount of income, financial support from this community is needed more than ever.

While I have received help from many I know, I still have received an intense amount of invalidation and denial from people that were once very close to me. I appreciate those that are willing to support me in living my true self. I understand that this is a large amount of funds and will only reserve these funds for reasons listed above - medical bills and costs related to my transition, along with expenses that must be covered in time of recovery from top surgery.

If donations are not readily available to you, please take a moment to share this page with those that may know others that have a form of income available to them to share. I am terrified of asking for help, let alone doing it on a public donation page. I understand that those around me may prefer to send funds directly, and if so, please feel free to reach out in contact with me. I am grateful to you all.

With so much thanks,

Finn

Pronouns: he/him, he/they for LGBTQ+ siblings