What's a (Rudy) life worth?

That's what you get to decide: what is a life worth, specifically, my life?

I cannot survive on my own, and this is your chance to vote for the life you'd like me to have, or not. Below is some backstory, some description of the past couple months, and potential path for the future.

Backstory:

As for me, I am thoroughly out of savings, haven't been able to pay rent in nearly two years, and am well towards maxing my credit cards. So far, the world has shown me in no uncertain terms that I am not valued and that my continued existence is not worth the upkeep costs.

This came to a head on June 20, 2024 when I attempted suicide for the first time. The triggering event was that I was being forced to move and had no means of doing so or supporting myself. The business that is the Life of Rudy had been running at a loss for far too long, it was time to close shop. That didn't work. EMTs stopped me and shuttled me off to the Santa Rosa Behavioral Health Hospital for the next seven days. During that stay, my car was towed, racking up over $2000 in storage fees, and my cat was seized, demanding $800 in fees to get him back. This, clearly, did not help my predicament. But hey, at least the eviction was forestalled!

After it became clear that I wasn't being evicted immediately, I could try to gather back some semblance of a livelihood. While I tried to get the dance company going again, extremely low attendance across four events and a couple series showed me that the bachata community was unwilling to support me. So, around October 2024, I stopped trying to swim upstream against the torrent and accepted that I would be unable to make my way as a bachata instructor.

Thankfully due to some errors on the landlord's part, the evection proceedings were delayed until the court ordered a final date of 2/2/25. So alright, about four months to get out of debt, get an income, and figure out some stability. Many job applications, conversations with friends, and brainstorming sessions, nothing was coming to pass, and ultimately the depression overcame me. With no funds, no support, and no hope of a better future, I gave up completely.

The next few months were a mini retirement, full of sunset walks, whole days cuddling my cat and watching movies, motorcycle rides, video games, delicious food, and enjoying the quiet peace of an unobligated life, or at least what was left of it.

I also started advertising motorcycle riding and wrenching lessons, on the off-chance that took off. It didn't.

Now:

So then comes the date of the move-out, 2/2/25. Nothing has been packed, no lodgings have been secured, and no road forward was visible. It was time to end.

I readied the argon cylinder, attached the gas regulator and mask, said goodbye to my motorcycles, hugged my cat, sent off a few last texts, put the phone on airplane mode, and then laid down to rest.

It took longer than I thought. Thirty deep breaths later (~5 min), static unfeeling was creeping up my legs, starting up my hands, and local police was crawling through my window to find me as pictured. This was ~8am on 2/3/25

They took the mask off, talked to me for a while, then shuttled me off to John George Psychiatric Hospital, where I was held for a bit over three days, being released on 2/6/25 around noon.

Riding in the Uber back home, I suspected my things would have all been tossed out and stolen and my (indoor) cat left to fend for himself, since I was well past when the sheriff could show up to evict me. Thankfully, none of that happened, and I was able to stay there overnight.

Over the next few days, I got a notice to appear in court to find out what would be happening next. A week or two later, got a notice to vacate, with a day of April 1, 2025. After that, sheriff is coming to lock me out. As of this writing, that's in less than 5 days.

And still, no income has been found, no lodgings have been secured, nothing has been packed, because frankly, I don't see a point. Due to physical and mental injuries, I am unable to hold a "normal" job and earn meaningful income. Due to a lack of funds/income, I am unable to meet base living requirements and build a life. Due to a lack of base living requirements and hope for a better future, I am unable to continue much longer.

Since starting my dance company in Jan 2022, I worked on building it, at the exclusion of all else, for 2.5 years. All of my time, energy, willpower, and finances went to build it up, and it didn't take off. So now after over 3 years of immense stress, scrimping, saving, and sacrificing, and little to show for it, I have about 30k in credit card debts, 500 in funds for emergencies (which doesn't even cover monthly CC minimums), no savings, unpaid medical bills, a broken car, and no way to pay for living expenses. Here are my finances as of 3/27/25:

Future(?):

So, what next? Well, I can't make many promises, but I can make a few. I can't say I won't try to kill myself come April 1, but I can say I will sell my life to you, dear reader, for the right price.

Here's a broad plan for the next 5 years (assuming the next few months are funded):

Rider Coach (2025, 2028-) and The Great American Roads Trip (2026-2027).

Rider Coach:

The Great American Roads Trip:

So, to make this happen, what do I NEED?

Three main parts: stability (immediate), training/soliciting (short term), riding (long term).

So, that's what I can do, and what you can buy.

I cannot work a typical office job.

I cannot work a menial labor job.

I cannot work a job that goes against my morals.

I cannot live in a crowded and noisy environment.

I cannot live on sub-poverty income

I cannot live a sedentary lifestyle.

I cannot merely survive.

I can ride.

I can teach.

I can live, but only without the onus of survival.

And here's what I can promise, if you support it:

Will you help me?

What is a life worth, to you?

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