Business. It wasn’t something I wanted to do, but I was good at it. I started in the business world at a young age and continued on this path for three decades. I was introduced to the world of customer service and business at the young age of fourteen. I moved from customer service to managing a large business in family entertainment at age twenty. I had everything that I thought I wanted and needed, the big house, expensive vacations and a large bank account. But, I was miserable. I was chasing a dream that wasn’t mine.
On evening, I was searching for answers and walked into one of the most influential bars and music venues in the city. It was that night, I thought maybe this was my reason to exist. My artist soul was trying to break free and out of the confines of chasing a dream that wasn’t mine. The place was amazing, the vibe, the energy, the art of music. I was connected. For the next 15 years, I again tried to chase a dream in the music world. The productions, the words, the performances, the people were all inspiring and again I felt a reason to exist. I had the opportunity to take ownership of the company and took pride in watching the business grow. But, those old demons begin to haunt me again. I knew that in order to really find happiness in life that I needed to face my past, my addictions and my struggles. But how? I started watching people and asking are they really happy? Or are they just pretending? Are they also acting out a role they don’t really want to play in life? How do I change my life? Where do I start? I had used drugs and alcohol to hide my demons from myself and others. I again was faced with trying to prove I wasn’t a failure. I had been drinking, searching for happiness but instead I was drinking reality away.
I decided it was time for me to stop those demons from haunting me and take a hard look at reality. Who am I? What do I want in life? It is my responsibly to find happiness for myself, not from a bottle, not from someone else and most importantly it was time to love myself. On July 1, 2015, I stopped drinking. I wish I could tell you that life became easier, I didn’t have those demons haunting me, criticizing me, mocking me. I can’t. Life was still hard. My business was failing. I had dropped every penny I had to keep it going but in the end, the monthly overhead was beyond the market potential. I had to walk away. I was faced again with trying to show the world and myself, I wasn’t a failure.
I am sharing my journey with others because I want to make a difference in the world, one piece of art at a time. I hope that, in some small way, I can encourage others to follow their dreams and eliminate their inner demons. I want to do something extraordinary. I am trying to find pride in what I have accomplished so far in my journey and not let my inner critic control my life anymore.
I now have the opportunity to explore my inner artist, to create, to construct, to inspire. I have wrestled with this decision for a long time, but I feel at this point in my life I need to face my demons and hopefully help others face their demons through art.
Unfortunately, I also need to support myself and my son during this journey and so I am reaching out to my family, friends and fellow artists to ask for assistance. Any support will be appreciated and will assist me in my journey beyond fear of failure.
Please take some time to look at some of my work. I create mask-like sculptures representing faces of the past, present and future. These pieces are also available for sale, please contact me if you are interested in purchasing one of my sculptures.
- Elliott Torrez
- Amanda Ferrell
- Craig Balderston
- Chick Ganz
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