"My biggest dream is to have dinner with my children sitting at the table again.
It is to go for a walk in the forest, being able to stay outdoors until dusk.
To run into the Sea, diving into salty waves, watching a sunset, unrushed.
To be able to get back to playing music and enjoying life,
Regaining my Body, Breathing Ease and Freedom again
FREE FROM CHRONIC PAIN"
Hello. My name is Marta. Some of you may know me as a Voice and a Creator of uplifting music on the YouTube Channel "Infinity Calling" featuring cinematic voice meditations (aka High Octave Energy Tones through the Frequency of Flow).
The Channel was born from my deeply personal healing journey as I have been coping with constant debilitating pain in my lower back, along with mobility issues and severe migraines for more than 9 years. Singing has become my Transcendental Meditation, my therapy, my Sacred Healing Space, my Respite, my Inner Temple, my Space to feel Peace, Beauty and Infinite Freedom, my Tracks to Self. Pain has become a powerful catalytic force, one I respect, acknowledge and have been trying to understand and expand through, learning about various healing modalities and alternative therapies, transforming myself and my Awareness in the process.
Over the past several months the suffering has increased exponentially, with no known explanation, no diagnosis and no access to the right specialist care or treatment plan. I started passing out from pain on the floor, vomiting, going into neurological shut downs, losing many of the usual daily functions many people take for granted (such as walking, sitting, standing). I now find it difficult to cook, drive or do grocery shopping, functions necessary to look after myself and my two children I am raising by myself.
It is now obvious that the condition is no longer just about the back pain. Constant muscle twitching, tingling and buzzing, stabbing and shooting migratory pains throughout my body, electric/stinging shocks feel like I’m being electrocuted on a daily basis. Also, phantom pain in my jaw, muscle twitching, eye twitching, fingers or toes going numb or changing colour to white on and off, brain fog, insomnia, more shallow breathing, vertigo at night, feels like my whole central nervous system is on fire.
I flare up whenever I sit, or stand upright, or walk. It’s about 30 minutes before the pain becomes unbearable and I need to lie down again. Thus, I am mostly housebound, unable to leave my house much, mostly lying on the floor wrenched with excruciating pain levels, fit for small jobs around the house only. I cook, clean and perform all my duties despite the challenging conditions, often in silence and tears, suppressing my emotions. Since I am unable to sit much, I’m also unable to use a wheelchair, and so I have difficulty with transportation and other activities of daily living. I am unfit for work, and currently on Disability Assistance.
I am a single mum of two, aged 40. My marriage did not survive the test of my deteriorating health condition. I have no family here. The father is not providing any support for the children and he's been out of country for more than 3 years.
Singing and creating Visual Art gave me strength and relief, but now it is challenging as never before, often impossible.
I feel completely helpless and exhausted beyond words. Sometimes I'm just a breath, Awareness in motion, trapped in my Body. Time ceases to exist and I feel I am stuck, living somewhere beyond time, living a surreal, dreamlike reality, with no future ahead. It is traumatic, unpredictable and stressful. I'm nowhere near stability or knowing where I'm at, or what I am dealing with. Traumatized, isolated, house-bound and bedridden, I'm fading away.
At this stage, I need a multi-disciplinary team of experts to assess my current condition and form a new official diagnosis. Without a diagnosis, I am not being heard and seen. Not being treated seriously. This can’t be right.
I am now in urgent need of seeking higher standard of Specialist Care, Consultants, Psychological Support, and Home Support ASAP, through any possible means and channels, whether Public or Private, in Ireland or abroad. So I am asking you for help in carrying out this process, which, unfortunately, I am not able to finance myself. I realize and accept I need financial help in order to accomplish these goals.
It is my hope that this GoFundMe will enable my friends near and far to offer financial support to cover the costs of quality healthcare and counseling, including any complementary therapies and tests necessary, and help me push through this debilitating time, getting back into a greater natural flow of life again, and allowing me to continue creating music.
I have Faith and Hope that things can improve.
Any help you can provide today will go a very long way. Please take some time to tune into my work on YouTube and allow my voice to inspire and lift your Soul as you lift my Spirits by donating today.
I commit to bringing updates to everyone as I move through tests and treatments.
Thank you so much for contributing to my Health and Wellness
Marta aka Infinity
PAST - in greater detail (for those who are curious and interested to know the whole story)
The condition has been progressing and aggravating for years; it began with fits of back pain, and after the birth of my daughters it became chronic. Different tests have been done in Ireland, all inconclusive. Compression on the nerve root and annular tear & bulging disc L5/S1 showed up on the scans, which was wasn’t acted upon surgically. When I briefly went abroad a few years ago, I was also positively tested for Lyme disease. Returning to Ireland I tried to confirm this test, but it came back negative. The spinal tap showed no abnormalities. Therefore,no special treatment was administered. Also, a second opinion there suggested peripheral polineuropathy. Here in Ireland, my chart still only says “Chronic Pain Syndrome”/"Fibromyalgia". I am assigned to the Pain Management Clinic (St. Vincent's University Hospital, Dublin) and I have had multiple interventions in the past (incl. ER calls). I have tried various medications and traditional methods, such as nerve block injections and epidurals, all of which proved ineffective and with minimal or no relief. I am told there is nothing more they can do for me. There are no pending procedures or tests.
Throughout the years I have tried everything and anything - physiotherapy, swimming, pilates, yoga, acupuncture, spinology, chiropractics, massage, osteopathy, amatsu, electric micro currents therapy, herbal medicine, homeopathy, different diets & supplement plans, celery juicing, various forms of meditation, mindfulness, NLP, CBT, hypnosis, counselling, inner child therapy, and most recently - naturopathy. The last aimed to work on the gut dysbiosis through the implementation of good gut bacteria, but to my shock, my body reacted with a strong, adverse auto-immune response giving me more pain, and more symptoms, now looking like ME (CFS), with the typical "power crash" that feels like an immense wave that hits the central nervous system suddenly, with no warning; wave that will make me faint and have a fall, if I don't lie down immediately.
Walking this Journey is not easy. Yet, I still BELIEVE. My Heart is leading the way. And I know that because I choose Love - anything is possible.
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