As is the case for many of us, the previous years have proven to be trying. Over the course of the first six months in 2021, I was offered a job teaching English in Shanghai only to have the policies set by the government of China change, essentially eliminating that opportunity.

It was a shock to my system that deeply shook my confidence. Part of me wanted to quit – wanted to accept defeat. I was encouraged not to, however, and continued to fight.

Another opportunity presented itself shortly afterward. I have applied to and been offered a position teaching English at a private school in Daegu, South Korea. As it stands, my work visa is about to be issued and I will likely be departing by the middle or end of February.

This was a development that I had not foreseen, but one that makes sense in the context of my efforts and the overall course of the last two years.

I taught in China in 2008, but that experience was interrupted due to the Great Sichuan Earthquake and I ended up leaving after one semester. The experience was frightening and up until recently, I have had nightmares and flashbacks stemming from it. I wanted to return to teaching, either at home or abroad, but the nightmares and guilt prevented me from acting on that desire.

In the intervening years, my mother was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. She beat it, but shortly after hitting her five-year cancer-free milestone, she developed shingles and subsequently died. She fought bravely and it seemed that she had turned a corner when things came apart. She suffered a massive stroke and I was required to carry out her Do Not Resuscitate Order. I sat by her side as she passed. My godfather and uncle - who was my role model and mentor- died four days later.

I blamed myself for not being a good enough advocate for my mother - for failing as a son. We had a good relationship and I loved her, even though I was not always the son I should have been.

Enacting her final directive felt as if I had killed her. I guess in a very real sense, I had.

After her passing, I was swallowed by guilt and sadness.. I let it overwhelm me and ended up in an incredibly dark place. I did everything I could to escape only to find out that I could not run far enough or fast enough to be free of it. I eventually hit bottom. I was too proud, too stupid and too stubborn to seek help before that point. It took a massive shock to my system to make me understand that I needed help.

I received help and, as part of my healing process, I reevaluated what was important to me. One thing my mother and I had discussed before her passing was that I should return to China to finish what I had started - to find closure. The shutting down of many programs by Beijing, along with the increased restrictions placed on foreign contractors means that I will not be able to teach in China for the moment, but Korea is still open, and I look forward to proving to myself that I can do this.

As my treatment has progressed, I have set my sights on returning to finish what I have started - and to turn over a new leaf in a new environment.

Specifically, I am asking for money for teaching supplies, realia (props used by ESL teachers in the classroom), quarantine costs and other logistical expenses. The core expenses of my application, visa and airfare have already been met, in large part due to the generosity of my friends and supporters. This is not an adventure, I will be pushing myself to my upper limits - I will succeed in this endeavor. There will be no pictures of me sightseeing or having a good time.

I intend to work and work diligently. I will fight and will not quit. I will do everything possible to make my time teaching in Korea worthwhile for my students. I will not let my pupils or my supporters down.

I would be immensely grateful for any help that can be offered. As a way to keep you in the loop and demonstrate how your investment is being used, I will send journal entries to each donor along with pictures of my classroom, living environment and neighborhood.

We have all had a tough year. I know that my issues pale in comparison to many and I am loath to place myself in the same category as those who have suffered genuine loss. I understand that I bear responsibility for my past actions and illness. I was unwell, and while sick, I made decisions that were unwise.

Thank you.