Help us help ourselves

First off, I want you to know that I know how tone deaf this is. How eye-rolly. How f’ing embarrassing & cringeworthy.

Second, I’m not here to play the poverty olympics or any kind of “whose story is more tragic” with you. We all have it bad. (& I’ve seen 90 Day Fiancé—I know some people have it way worse…)

But some people tend to rely on that idiom “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” &, believe me, I would if I could. I’d suffer with the rest of you…if only I had some boots. This is to buy me—us (Ed included!)—a pair of boots.

Some people think I don’t work. Me? Not work? Ha! Laughable.

I stopped agenting in 2018, but I never stopped working. I became a freelance editor. & we all know freelancing isn’t steady work—it’s feast or famine. I’m actually holding a sale in a couple weeks! I LOVE to work (I’m lucky, I love my job—finally a point for me!—but does that job pay? Unfortunately—as most people in publishing will tell you—it does not…).

That job just helps maintain our poverty. It doesn’t help us rise above, it doesn’t help us save. That’s the purpose for a GoFundMe.

(I’m not looking for you to pay my or my husband’s medical bills… I’m not asking for a trip to the dentist—but oh my, my tooth is killing me! I am not even asking you to help me get a new laptop even though it’s over 10 years old & the screen finally cracked & I have it hooked up to a Wal-Mart monitor… What I am asking is for help. Help me help myself. Help me help us…)

I am the sole provider here. (&, in some ways, I’m impressed/proud that I have been able to keep us afloat—barely—but, my goodness, I am exhausted. I’m at my wit’s end. I’m popping Tylonel like Tic Tacs…& the doctors all say “don’t stress!—stress is bad for your stroke!” Yeah, right. The mental gymnastics it takes to figure out “what medication can be taken every other day instead of every day” & “if I put 10% of ___ here, can I pay for ___?” & “do I need a phone?” & “which is more important—wifi or TV?” & “do dogs really need 2 meals a day?” Google & YouTube are your friends, people!)

Anyway—

If only I could have help tampering down some of the car repairs, car tows, car payments… If only I could get help paying for movers (because we all know my husband is disabled/can’t lift a box--he can barely lift a camera--& while my disabled a** could probably put a box on my lap—a small one—I can’t load it….& we all know I can’t drive). If only we could stop the bleeding--interest from credit cards--we can have hope. & everybody needs a little hope. Especially right now.

Forever the silly optimist, I have hope. In you.

I went through certain expenses (not all of them, of course not—that would be a wild amount & this is a pretty big ask already) &, while I am terrible at math, I kept scratching out amounts to keep the ask of cost down. I’m sorry it’s still an uncomfortably big ask. I don’t even assume we’ll make it, but we have to try.