BACK TO LIFE

Multiple Sclerosis has taken it's toll. It has stripped me of not only my playing drums, but of my ability to walk a straight line. To let my doctors tell it, I may well be in a wheelchair within a year. According to my doctors, my only solution is to try stem cell surgery, which is extremely expensive. My health insurance will not cover the procedure, only part of my stay in the hospital. After many months spent in the hospital the past few years, I am at the point of being disabled for the rest of my days. It has been increasingly difficult to maintain my health, diet, sleep habits, and many variations of medications needed for me just to maintain. Not being able to work anymore as a drummer is not only my reality, but doing so seems more like a fantasy, a dream that I, or someone close to me, has lived for most of their life.  In the real world, there seems to be no way that I could raise the money needed to make this happen, but someone close to me suggested that I try, and if I come anywhere close to what's needed, they'll make sure it happens. They also said that if I don't let friends and family know what's going on, no one will ever know. I'll suffer in silence. I've experienced great benefits when I am able to get a hold of certain medications, and am able to focus on being creative, but that happens every blue moon. It's imperative that I make these things a part of my everyday life, to feel whole, but it's been extremely difficult having limited mobility. Constant headaches, back pain, along with spasticity in my legs and feet, have made everyday life anything but 'normal'. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, even those I'm not particularly fond of...deep. Pride, and integrity, are two different things, so I have learned. One can swallow pride, to get on to the next.  But if one swallows one's integrity, u choke. My integrity is in tact, but I must swallow my pride, at this time, and that is not an easy task. I, before anyone, have to stay positive. And I  am. Today is a new day, MS has taught me that, because last Thursday was NOTHING like today.  So, I willfully move forward. At first I thought I would have to leave the country to have such a procedure, which in itself, is a major issue. And it costs more, a lot more. But, it is now legally available in the states.  I have to try. I must try. As said in a song that I love, "What have you got to lose?" I thank u all for your thoughts and prayers. Peace, and I mean that. BCJII