Consider helping my cause or investing in me.

I am Luke Smieja. Consider investing in me. My life has been dramatic. It's nobodies fault but my own. I didn’t know better at first, than I made reckless choices but did it for the story. With no intention of hurting anybody. Nevertheless, I left a trail of wreckage. My life has been full of self-destruction and self-sabotage. If I tell my stories, my life makes sense. It helps me do less self-loathing. I am a 6'4," 175 pound, white guy in Los Angeles. I have been failing. Because I was doing the wrong thing. I appreciate the prose of Hank Moody. My life ain’t that cool, but a similar demeanor. I always knew I had some writing ability, but I didn't believe in myself. I needed to live more to make myself interesting. I don’t know what I am capable of, but I am gonna find out. I have creativity flowing through me exponentially. I learned writing is how I wrestle with my thoughts. Writing is medicine that I need. Expression not depression. I haven’t been my taking medicine on a steady basis my entire life. Who wants to look at their thoughts on a page? Consider what they mean, could I say it better, should I use metaphor, will I offend anyone? Should I care, do I care? I always fought writing. Like patients fight psych meds, I fought writing. As they say in AA, a fearless and searching moral inventory, is what I needed to become a writer. When I got attacked at work, I found desire to inspire through writing. I am really trying to write this because I can’t do anything else. I need autonomy because that’s who I am. Insurance doesn’t cover my medicine. So there is that. I am putting this in to our collective conscience. We call it the internet. If it’s meant to be it will be. I have made the decision to be a writer. This is my dream. Where I work if you have a dream you are crazy. Do I deserve my dream? Do you think I deserve my dream? Hmmm.... There it is. I will write for you the rest of my life. I am trying to get signed. I don't expect it to be long. I will join more contests as funds allow. I am submitting to agents. I did what I had to do to get here. I will achieve greatness. I have a 46 page pilot episode, with a show bible, I have written poems that I will get music to, I written a lot of stuff. The psych unit ain't far away for any of us. It stirs everything up and then I keep a lid on it and simmer to a boil. Rinse repeat. Spread me around. I have to get whatever I am trying to say out of my head and on the page and stop betraying myself. I will pay you all back. If you believe, help me get there. I am going to have a kickstarter for another idea.

If you want to invest in me, shoot me an email, and start a dialogue. Any funds donated to this fundraiser, keep this project alive, contests, finding an agent. I am going to push it forward as funds allow. Maybe expression instead of depression is the answer. If I go to a doctor and start taking medication I will be able to catch a check. When I reason this through, I believe I can do something nearly impossible, I am going to be diagnosed with delusions of grandeur. Because I believe in what I am doing. I am depressed. Bills do not go away. I haven't been getting paid. My employer doesn't support me. Why do I have to take medication to be considered temporarily disabled? I needed to step away to finish making sense of all this. Of course I am depressed. I am out on a limb. Now my thinking is to put this out there and I believe I am out for the greater good, we will see. I have made the decision to be a writer and this is my dream. Do I deserve my dream? Do you think I deserve my dream? Hmmm.... There it is. People say you write for yourself, I write to please you. I guess we are gonna find out what people think. I will write for you the rest of my life. I need a bridge of funds until I get signed. I don't expect it to be long. I have stuff completed, I am going to keep writing whatever happens. I am living on credit because I believe in what I am doing. I am stretched thin. I did what I had to do to get here. I have a 46 page completed tv pilot, with a show bible, I have written songs, I wrote a lot of stuff. I believe in this. I am going to keep this fund moving forward in honor of my friend Hector. An artist who couldn't find a way to express himself. I want Hector's life to be remembered. Going forward I want to write about Hector. I have had to work through so many things that scarred my mind. I and feel I don't have any support from the employer that I gave my all to.

The irony here is beautiful if I wasn't experiencing it. The way to handle this is, I have delusions of grandeur, I am paranoid in regard to the health care system, some say I am overly-emotional. I don't hurt people I protect people. It seems the only way for me to get paid for the time I have been working through my issues that are direct result of my employment is to go see a doctor and follow recommendations. I already know they will prescribe medication. My self diagnosis is that I am not fulfilling my purpose. My medication is to write what I have learned and touch lives, spreading love. I need help getting over the hump. This helps me stay in the game. Momentum is key it feels like. I want to keep pushing.

I am in two contests there is a screencraft, pilot show competition, the middle it does to the top 100. There are no guarantees. I am asking for you to believe in what I am trying to do. To believe that I have the ability. Speaking of belief, the following is the show bible. The tone of the show.

Vida Loca is the working title of the show. Our protagonist is named Garrison Roesler. Rison is a 35 year widower, with 9 year old daughter. His wife, Lisa, was killed in car accident. Rison was in a coma for 6 weeks. There was alcohol involved when they were both ejected from the vehicle. They were unable to prove who was driving because of the way the wreck played out, Rison has no recollection and there were no witnesses. He lives with the sadness and never speaks of it. It is a visible burden he carries.

Rison works as a psychiatric nurse. Garrison, is at the beginning stages to burn out. Rison has a particularly hard time because of is internal struggles with the way mental health is handled. The first patient he worked with and grew to love was killed by the same system that was charged of his safety. Rison is conflicted for being complicit to a system that is forcing medication on people. Hector would ask not to be poisoned. He called medication poison. We gave them to him anyway. Hector said his mind was being raped and would beg us to stop. His choice was take the pills, or get an injection. He would refuse. This guy was convicted in his belief that he would refuse believes that pharmaceuticals should be the last intervention. The unit for which he works, when they come on the unit, the doctor prescribes medication first and waits until meds grab hold to interview them. Over time, Rison sees how the system is capitalism at its finest. The only reason it is legal is because health care manipulates the system in their favor. It's rigged, and that hurts him deeply because he is excellent at what he does. He feels like he is playing for the wrong team. Rison asks his drug dealer to overprescribe him drugs and just bill his insurance as soon as FDA approves it.

Rison questions his own reality over time. He sees how crazy likes to feel crazy and the problem seventy percent of the time isn't a health problem. They are lacking something, money, support, food, sometimes their support brings them to the unit so they are not forced to deal with whatever the "problem" is. Ultimately, lack of love is the problem. There is something in him that is ready to explode over feeling convicted of betrayal toward people fighting the same battle he fights. He believes that we are not treating the root of the problem and we are just kicking the can. We are actually just turning people into zombies because of their refusal to think the way society demands. He is starting to feel like he is part of something bigger. His thoughts are being manipulated by the system and he feels empathetic to the gestapo. If you are taught to believe what you are doing is right and it allows survival, even promotion, how can they be accountable? He carries a tremendous amount of guilt. He has guilt for being born. He is feeling like he is misusing a god given talent at a hospital that was founded on Christian principles. As a result, he struggles trusting anything at all and is lost in the sauce. He hides his crazy better than the patients he serves, through his thought process.

His daughter, from whom he is estranged as a result of the accident, is being raised by Lisa's sister Gwendolyn and her husband Robert JR. Rison really likes Bob and vice versa. His daughter Keri, is the love of Rison's life. Gwendolyn is so angry about the death of her sister and she blames Rison. Lisa keeps his Keri from him. He carries so much guilt from Lisa's death that he doesn't feel he has a right to fight for his daughter and struggles to find his value as a human being.

Rison has had one relationship of substance since his wife's death. Mary Redd, he loved her and would have done anything for her. His appetite for self destruction was more than she wanted to deal with. He cannot let go of her and punishes himself by killing himself at an imperceptibly slow rate. Just pour chemicals in this body to feel anything but the sorrow he feels for being alive.

Rison lives a lifestyle that is bi-polar. At work he is the best of the best and thats how people see him. When he hits the town, he can get so shook back that he makes a fool of himself without a care. He goes hard at whatever he does. If he is good something, he goes harder. He has a feeling that he is selling out to the bad guys. Although, he wonders if he is thinking himself into his position because he could teach a teacher of self-sabotage, how to self-sabotage.

The Fishbowl, has extremely contrasting personalities. It really is patients, but they have money, they are the black sheep of the hospital. If you work with crazy, you must be crazy. Vida loca.