Help Us recover from Domestic Violence and Financial Abuse

I'm reaching out to ask for help as a devoted mother of two who is facing very challenging circumstances. With my parents having passed away many years ago and no immediate family in Brisbane to lean on, I was trapped in an abusive relationship. I was able to escape on my first attempt due to the generosity of friends who offered us loving refuge.

My world fell apart in 2018, when I discovered my husband was no longer someone I could trust.

Overwhelmed, I made the heartbreaking decision to move in with his parents. This decision came at a high cost to our daughter, who felt abandoned, and was forced to move out on her own before she was ready. Whilst I remain grateful for the roof over our heads, the nine months spent with my in-laws were highly traumatic. My son witnessed me being abused on a daily basis and was subjected to abuse himself. As B’s drinking continued, I felt increasingly threatened. He became aggressive and paranoid, and harassed me relentlessly. I discovered he was tracking my location and monitoring all my phone messages.

My life continued to unravel when I learnt that we were $50,000 in arrears in school fees, had $20,000 credit card debt and years of unprocessed tax returns. I immediately began the arduous task of negotiating settlement on all this debt. Disappointingly, the school had come to understand that B was not of reliable or trustworthy character and they decided to hold me solely responsible for this debt, prioritising their bottom line over our well-being. Despite sharing details of our circumstances to request pastoral care for my son and fee relief, there was no attempt to understand the extent of the abuse, how deeply it impacted us, or how long it would take us to recover.

I maintained a strict budget and paid off all the debt while supporting our two children on my single income. Meanwhile, B received $100,000 inheritance, withheld it from me and lied about it. We had discussed how this money would be distributed once received and he agreed that $20,000 would be allocated to replacing the children’s Trust Accounts and I would receive the rest, allowing me to dream of buying a modest home. Following my determined enquiries and cooperation from his extended family, B was recently forced to admit his latest act of betrayal. He received the money two years ago, and spent it all, presumably through gambling and mismanagement. Had I received this money as agreed, I would have been able to buy a property and service the loan on my single income. With the recent property boom in Brisbane over that period, I fear I have missed my opportunity to enter the market and I may never afford to buy my own home.

When I finally escaped the relationship, I lived in a constant state of anxiety. I was overwhelmed with the weight of resolving the financial mess, reporting to police and seeking DFV support, completing tasks associated with separation, accessing regular counselling to hold myself together, and continuing to work full-time, all while fearing for our future security and suspecting that B would never repay what he has taken from us. He still seeks to control me by delaying the process of separation and divorce.

My children and I have suffered greatly and it is difficult to describe the full psychological, emotional and physical impact of B’s abuse. He has grossly neglected his children, and he fails to acknowledge how his selfish and foolish decisions have, and continue to, profoundly affect our quality of life.

My wish is to raise enough money to replace the Trust Accounts and legacy left by my grandmother for our children. Thank you for your kindness, compassion and generosity as we continue to heal and build a brighter future.