Help Needed to Find New Counsel and Stabilize During a Surprise Custody Battle Nearly Ten Years After the Original Custody Decision
Immediacy
I am in the middle of an unexpected custody dispute involving my daughter. My ex-husband and I have had a custody order that has worked for nearly ten years. He is seeking to upend it. After significant disagreements about how the case should be handled, the attorneys I retained and I recently parted ways, leaving me without counsel in an active case. I am raising funds to retain new legal representation and stabilize financially so I can continue fighting to preserve my relationship with my daughter.
Thank you.
This is one of the hardest things I have ever written.
I cannot begin to describe the humiliation I feel asking for help like this. At the same time, I feel enormous gratitude knowing that I can send this to a small group of people in my life who will not judge me, but who understand that sometimes life hands you situations you simply cannot handle alone.
Some of you have already helped me in innumerable ways, and some I have not spoken to in years. I understand everyone’s circumstances are different. Any help — even simply sharing this privately with someone you trust — means more to me than I can express.
Please understand that I am trying to keep this group very small and private. I am in the midst of an active job search and cannot risk potential employers hearing about my financial situation. Reaching out like this is deeply uncomfortable for me, and I would not be doing it if I had any other path forward. If you are on this list, I trust your judgment. If you feel comfortable sharing the link, I trust you.
As most of you know, the last twenty months have been difficult for many reasons. Since last August, however, my life has been turned upside down by an unexpected custody and support dispute with my ex-husband.
Background
My ex-husband and I divorced in 2015. At that time the Court entered a custody arrangement that worked well for many years. As many of you know, he has done extremely well financially, while I focused primarily on raising our children and maintaining a stable home for them.
Under the custody order, the children spent nearly two months more each year with me, and that arrangement remained stable for almost a decade — long enough to see our oldest successfully through high school and into college.
On August 24, without warning, my ex-husband removed our daughter from my home at her request. She was fourteen years old at the time. I remember how I felt about my own mother at fourteen and assumed the feeling would pass, as mine did. I did not expect my ex-husband to weaponize the situation and allow his anger toward me to play out through her.
When he refused to return her, I went to court to enforce the custody order. My motion was heard in October. After hearing arguments and reviewing evidence, the judge ruled that my ex-husband had taken her in clear violation of the court order. The judge ordered that our schedule return to normal and awarded additional parenting time to compensate for the violation. The judge also appointed a Guardian ad Litem (GAL) to represent my daughter’s best interests.
I was finally able to borrow enough money to retain counsel. Most of that money remains unpaid.
For a moment, I believed things might stabilize.
Shortly afterward, however, our judge was transferred to a new division and our case was left without a judge for almost a month.
Although my daughter had been in therapy for years, her therapist informed us in March 2025 that her needs had grown beyond the scope of what she could treat. Four professionals advised that she needed specialized care, but my ex-husband refused to accept that she had a problem. When her therapist stepped away, my daughter was left without support instead of receiving the additional help she had been asking me to find.
At the GAL’s suggestion, my daughter met with a new therapist for a single forty-five-minute session. Without speaking to either parent or reviewing any family history, the therapist recommended that my daughter live exclusively with her father and that my parenting time be drastically reduced.
Since November 19, my overnights have been taken away and my time with my daughter has been limited to only a few hours at a time. I now see her for roughly twenty-five hours every two weeks.
This decision was based solely on the therapist’s brief assessment. It was made by the lawyers, the GAL, and the therapist. The Court was not involved.
My relationship with my baby, which was already strained, is slipping away. The more time she spends only with her father, the more she believes things he tells her that cause her to not want me in her life.
When she visits, she often begins by telling me she does not want to speak to me. She rarely answers my calls or texts. Many days I feel as though I am watching my relationship with my daughter slowly disappear.
Meanwhile, my ex-husband filed a Motion to Modify the custody order, but there has been no judicial determination that custody is even modifiable here, much less that it should be modified. No documents have been reviewed and no testimony has been heard.
On Sunday, August 24, I was making dinner for my daughter when he took her.
Financial Reality
This legal fight has become financially overwhelming.
My ex-husband has vastly greater financial resources than I do. My own income collapsed last year while this case unfolded. I now rely on SNAP benefits, plasma donation, and the sale of my belongings simply to keep my phone working.
I have already borrowed money from friends and family simply to retain legal counsel and cover basic expenses. Very little of that money has been repaid, and I now find myself effectively destitute.
I am currently searching for a bankruptcy attorney while preparing to move out of my home.
Meanwhile, my ex-husband has filed a motion seeking to terminate child support entirely. He currently pays $1,000 per month. His assets alone (not his income and not including his real estate and vehicles) are worth thousands of times that amount.
Although the GAL and the Court have selected a therapist for reunification therapy, my ex-husband has refused to pay any portion of it. He has also refused to participate in therapy of any kind. In August & September & October, I offered to significantly alter the parenting schedule in exchange for family therapy. My settlement proposals were ignored.
Why I Am Asking for Help
Unfortunately, the significant disagreements between my attorneys and I regarding the way the case should be handled finally rose to the level where we needed to terminate our relationship. Simply, I believed I should be aggressively represented - and that they should familiarize themselves with the evidence - while they did not.
As a result, I now find myself in the middle of an active custody dispute without counsel and needing to retain a lawyer who is prepared to fully advocate for me and present the facts to the court.
Update: I believe I have found the lawyer that will zealously represent me. He is familiar with the case, the family dynamics, and my ex-husband's abusive and controlling nature. He also knows about the kids' fear of my ex-husband as he represented me in a child support dispute nearly 4 years ago. But...I still owed him money from that matter (he has allowed me to pay $50 here, $100 there, etc.), and he needs a retainer. With donations thus far, I have been able to finally pay off that 4-year-old debt. I now need an additional $5,000 just for the retainer.
Right now, time matters. Without legal representation, I risk losing the opportunity to present the full facts of this situation to the court. Retaining new counsel quickly is critical if I want any meaningful chance of rebuilding my relationship with my daughter.
With time and appropriate counsel, I will be able to refocus on what matters most: taking care of myself, repairing my relationship with my daughter, and finding stable employment.
Funds raised will go toward:
• legal fees to retain counsel who can advocate effectively
• basic living expenses while I continue searching for work
• stabilizing housing and financial obligations
I have no fundraising goal because I have no idea how much this will ultimately cost. GoFundMe required a goal, so I selected one.
If you are able to help financially, I will be deeply grateful.
If you are not, simply sharing this privately with someone you trust could make an enormous difference.
More than anything, I want the chance to keep fighting for my daughter and rebuild my life.
Thank you for taking the time to read this and for caring about me during one of the most difficult periods of my life.
Privacy
This fundraiser is being shared privately with people I trust.
If you choose to donate, please do so anonymously, and please do not tell me if you donated or how much. I truly mean that. It will make this much easier for me emotionally if I can simply be grateful without knowing the details.
I love all of you and believe that sometimes it truly does take a village. Even if you ignore this message, you are part of my village, and I remain grateful to each of you.
With love and gratitude,
Tamara