Never in my worst moments did I think I would be here, sharing my own situation and asking for help. For the past 15-20 years, I’ve done everything “right.” And while I know that this isn’t the same, it’s hard not to feel that I’ve returned to my 20-something self: stuck in a destructive cycle of eating disorder treatment and relapse, unable to get or keep a job, unable to pay bills, or keep a roof over my head.

The truth is, I had my life together. I had everything to be proud of. I’m an RN with 10 solid years of experience, continuous employment, and praise from my supervisors. I had finally learned to manage my multiple chronic medical conditions (which in the past were fuel for my self-destructive behavior) and still thrive not only in a very demanding workplace but also through the challenges of working the pandemic and moving across the country from my entire support system.

This wasn’t supposed to be me anymore.

But I am now someone who does hard things, including taking care of my health (instead of ignoring it). So, in May 2024, I took a medical leave for the first of several surgical procedures that were needed to keep me healthy. And then I was told that I could not be accommodated for light duty in order to return to work. I was told that once I did return, I could not leave again for an entire year. (I had at least 2 more urgent surgeries, and another 3 that needed to be done, but could theoretically wait a bit.) My doctors and I decided to “rush” to do as much as we could as fast as we could since it didn’t seem that working in between procedures would be an option. But at the end of 7 surgeries in just over a year, I could hardly stand on my own. My job requires lifting, pushing, and holding other adult humans. So I went for rehab.

And I was fired.

Now, almost 6 months later, I am applying for any job that will take me. Thank G-d, my body is more or less ready. But my money... dried up. Medical bills, rent, insurance, food... it adds up, and while I have reduced every expense possible, it’s no longer enough.

My landlord is now demanding rent, late fees, or eviction. I have promising job leads, but I am in too deep with concern for housing stability to pay the recertification fees and travel to and from interviews at this point.

I was supposed to be doing everything right, and I once again am on the verge of homelessness, and DEEPLY ashamed. So much so, it’s taken me a week to write this.

I need rent money, to get myself back on my feet. That’s it. January (with fees for missed/late payment) is $2200. February will be $2100 if I can make it by the first.

I want to pay every single person back when I can. I cannot explain how sick I feel asking. But, I’ve applied for every other form of assistance and loan. I have to put aside any remains of pride and ask for your kindness here, too.