Over the last couple of years, my mental and physical health, particularly lifelong disabilities, along with debilitating chronic pain, have worsened, and I find myself out of work (also, unable to work, according to my social worker and care team) and in a really difficult and scary financial situation. As I navigate what my next steps will be, I'm in desperate need of help with a variety of bills, including: the vet for Lottie and Jazzy, rent, dental, medical, common expenses like gas, etc., as well as help getting legal counsel as I address the debt I'm drowning in as I have been unable to make payments.

The longer story is that I was born with a rare form of cerebral hypotonia, which is a rare version of cerebral palsy, and I have suffered symptoms all my life. The doctors warned my parents when I was a baby that I wouldn't be able to walk and that my brain would be constantly overwhelmed and, basically, fighting endlessly just to keep myself functioning. Even though I was, miraculously, able to walk, the consequences of the hypotonia came in misaligned/deformed feet, misaligned hips and knees, chronic pain from the loose joints, back issues, IBS, and so on. It used to be easier to deal with when I was younger, but once I hit my 30s, it feels like all of these things have gotten so much worse, including my ability to manage the pain and how long I am able to stay up on my feet without causing serious suffering the following days. Not to mention, tension headaches from when I was a kid have become full-blown migraines I'm now dealing with.

On top of my physical problems, my mental ones seem to be deteriorating as well. I'm diagnosed with ADHD (severe & unregulated), depression/major depressive disorder, bipolar disorder, social and generalized anxiety, PTSD, suicidal ideation, and minor OCD. I also live with intrusive self-harm thoughts. All of this, coupled with how my brain struggles to function due to the cerebral hypotonia, has made it extremely difficult and overwhelming to function lately. It has disrupted my ability to work regularly, continue my master's degree, and maintain my social life. I have felt like the worst friend and biggest failure for a long time now.

So, as much as I have had a hard time accepting the reality of being this disabled, I am realizing, as the days tick by, bills go unpaid, and not knowing if we're going to have a roof over our heads in the near future, I have to move forward with another plan, particularly seeing if I can get on disability. Unfortunately, my family and I need some help in the meantime. As guilty and ashamed as I feel making this, I'm trying to do what I can as we figure out how to navigate this reality. I'm grateful for any and all help, especially knowing how hard things are right now for everyone. Even sharing this for others to see means so much.