I hoped to never have to ask for help this way but this year has not been kind to me and I need the help of my family and friends.

I will be missing almost two weeks of work with no pay to have back surgery on 9/4, then will be working at 50% capacity for 4 more weeks, again with no supplementation in pay as I’m self employed (so no workers comp, disability or unemployment). My savings were depleted earlier this year due to several medical emergencies for my pets as well as over $6k in legal fees to my lawyer over the last 3 years to defend myself.

To top it off, many of you know about the lawsuit with my abusive ex. Unfortunately, I did not win that. In NYS, duress only counts if you’re being physically threatened at the moment. So on top of everything else, I have to come up with $13,000 for that immediately or risk losing my business as he can come after it to get his money effective immediately.

For those who don’t know about the lawsuit, here is a quick recap:

Between late 2020 and early 2022, my ex gifted me many things including a laptop, tablet and money to purchase my horse, Lady. Over the course of 2022, his behavior became more erratic and angry, often threatening to take all of it back when he was mad. By June 2022, I wanted to break up but was terrified he’d destroy my stuff and try to take possession of my horse (not realizing at the time that he couldn’t because she is in my name only).

So I made a desperate decision to write him a check for the laptop, tablet, and horse and break up with him hoping that he wouldn’t retaliate against me if I paid him.

When presented the check, he swore he wanted to stay together, that things would change and that he didn’t want the money. He showered me with affection and I relented and agreed not to leave and he agreed to throw the check away.

August 2022, things had not improved and on 8/14/22 as we were leaving a concert in Syracuse, he began driving erratically, and when I begged him to pull over, he punched my windshield, shattering it, as we were driving. I screamed to be let out of the car, at which point he finally pulled over, left me on the side of the highway and ditched my car at the Upstate Hospital parking garage.

Upon my return home (after police picked me up and found my car), I discovered most of my belongings had been thrown into the street (many of them destroyed) from the apartment that we shared (my name was on the lease as well as his). I attempted to retrieve my laptop, at which point my ex comes storming out naked, pushes me out the front door, grabs my laptop and rips it into three pieces and throws it at me. I also discovered my indoor-only cat was loose outside. In the days the followed, I was not allowed to return to the apartment and had to fight to get the rest of my belongings back.

The very next day, my ex tried to cash that check he swore he’d thrown away. And then sued me for it.

For his domestic violence incident that night he was charged with a class E felony and received a non-harassment order. He proceeded to violate that and I now have a full stay away order of protection for 5 years.

I wrote that check because I was afraid of exactly what ended up happening - that he’d try to destroy my life and belongings. But I was honest in court, he hadn’t hurt me physically at that point and wasn’t threatening me actively when I wrote and presented him the check. And I did not get the check back in my possession, because I did not want to start another argument when we were attempting to work it out, and telling him I didn’t trust him to throw it away would have made him very angry.

I have learned a very long, stressful lesson and it kills me to have to ask for help. I wish I had known back then that there are resources to leave a relationship even if it’s not (yet) physically violent.

Thank you everyone for the support. Any little bit helps, but your friendship and love throughout this difficult year have helped most of all ❤️