Updated- how I almost died with my fiancé.

This is an updated version because I previously wrote it under much more stress- My handsome fiancé, Jaidyn was killed in a very traumatic car accident a few weeks ago on highway 164 in Dover, AR. -We were both in his 99 jeep wrangler that his mom passed on to him that he loved dearly. We took that jeep on so many backroads and fun adventures.  We both headed to our go-to spot. As we did nearly every week, or more even since we got together. It was our tradition. He showed me so many things. Showed me the world. Made me so strong. But this…this is something i could have never prepared myself for. -We barely make it where you lose service completely. It’s a very small town. Jaidyn was driving on a two lane highway and we were just listening to music. We almost didn’t go on the ride but I insisted… because he had been particularly anxious/upset that day. he was upset about having to work on his birthday. And not having anything planned out for him. So I wanted us to get out of the house so I can hopefully make him feel better. I remember saying to him on that ride exactly, “Jaidyn, I hope you don’t think im not doing anything for your birthday” and I had it all mapped out in my head. I wanted to get all of our friends together and camp because that was his favorite thing in the world. Being out in nature. With the best people. I could feel his relief as I was telling him about it. And that made me happy. We continued talking about it. He pumped gas at his favorite gas station in Dover. And we hit the road to our spot. Not knowing it’d be the last time. We started listening to music and we get past the point of having service. Jaidyn and I were just kinda silently jammin out to our huge playlist of downloaded songs. I felt happy. So happy. I was so content with everything and our life. Our family. And so was he. He had endless opportunities, and SO SO much to look forward to. I wanted to make him his favorite dinner the night he got home on his birthday. Stay up all night watch or play a game with him like we did every night he got home from work. Maybe even make him a dessert. Anything to make him feel special. Because that’s what he did for me. Constantly trying to better himself for our family. Took me to Florida in July for my 21st birthday, and had the time of our lives. He spent so much money on me knowing money isnt exactly something we can just throw around. he definitely made sure to spoil me and make me have the best birthday in the world. I wanted to give him that back. He was the one with a source of income because I stay at home making sure our girl is happy like we both wanted for her. so I was definitely upset I couldn’t afford to take him to places he did for me but I know that’s not the point, and he would have loved what I had planned for him regardless. -Jaidyn and I had the top and windows off our jeep and at this point we just had the music turned up and we were happily headed to longpool. Jaidyn attempts to pass a big Chevrolet truck. Going over a double yellow line. Jaidyn was an EXCELLENT driver. Took us to Colorado, Florida, Alabama, Tennessee, New Mexico, and more so much more! This man showed me everything. Taught me so so much about life. I remember smiling just listening to the music as he was attempting to pass this driver. I was just smiling listening to the music as he goes to pass for a a few seconds i got the feeling the driver was trying to race us. Then soon i feel off very off.  I’ve never this feeling i felt before. just this impending doom. Jaidyn was silent. He and I noticed as the driver is speeding up getting closer to us not allowing us to pass. The driver gets into the left lane we are trying to pass him in, and slows down causing Jaidyn to rear end him and the other driver “lost control” swerving left really fast and hard causing both the jeep and the truck to roll  and I remember the jeep collided with a guard rail and concrete poles. Now remember. We have our windows and top off the jeep. I remember sliding and hitting things and the air bags deploying leaving a horrid smell and strangely specific smoke smell that still lingers and haunts me. Very first thing I notice is Jaidyn his daunting silence. His body was just limped over his seat belt upside down. I fought like hell to get him to lift his head and just start freaking out because the silence of him was like anything I’ve ever felt.  Im fighting to get out of my seatbelt but it’s stuck, and so is his. im screaming for what felt like forever. It definitely was a very longtime considering our location and no cell service. I just started screaming so hard i didn’t even recognize myself. Screaming his name over and over and ever.  Telling him to wake up. when I went to lift his head I felt a warm and wet feeling go all over my hands quickly realizing it was his blood just rushing out onto my hands. I was panicking. I look out my window, and the truck was upright just a few feet ahead of us. And I realized both of the people were out. And the driver was standing so I start screaming to help me get out and then the worst thing happens. The driver starts yelling at me. As my baby is bleeding out and im upside down struggling to get out of my seat belt. that point I realized i was in real danger and that driver wasn’t going to help me and every part of my body was in fight or flight mode. I’ve never felt such a sense of danger and neverending fear that I won’t make it out of this jeep. And neither will he.  I won’t be able to save my baby or come back home to our daughter. I started shouting anything I can because the driver was yelling at me “ I have babies you stupid “@@&@ and honestly I don’t remember all that was being said but it wasn’t anything good. and  the driver was continuously spouting scary things at me, as my entire world is falling and being ripped away from me. feeling like I won’t make it to my babygirl. So many scary thoughts and tactics were running through my head. I was determined to get out. Otherwise I would’ve died. My lung was collapsed from screaming so hard and just the overall damage from wrecking. I included a picture that shows just a  glimpse of how much I struggled to get out of my seatbelt.  the more I struggled the more it was constricting me. My only other option was to try and get out without unbuckling because at that point it wasn’t going to. I was screamed and struggled to wiggle myself out and it just wasn’t working. My body was shutting down. And i scream for help and just kept feeling more scared and helpless. I trying anything to get Jaidyn to wake up or respond.  Screaming so so loud i still hear it sometimes. I started spouting anything i could because that was the only way I would survive and possibly save my baby. Which is all I wanted to do. My other option wasn’t working with me and that made me feel so scared so my brain immediately starts thinking of ways that driver would empathize with me because i remember the driver saying “we have babies in the truck” as if it’s my fault. I scream“ we have a daughter” “im so so sorry” “we didn’t mean to do nothing” “ My baby is dead” “I think my baby’s dead” screaming over and over and over just going belligerent. I was eventually let out, BARLEY. by the driver. Only because the other passenger said to “just go help her” I don’t even remember getting to him I rushed so fast over to Jaidyn, and throughout all of this which was FOREVER he was still in the same position, painfully silent. I realized gas was just pouring over him like a water hose and im just screaming trying to get it off of him. My hair and mouth is drenched in gasoline at this point and i am running back and fourth trying to get anybody to help me get him out but, nothing. Nobody was gonna save him expect me. Even tho there was nothing left of him to save. Besides giving him a kiss and telling him I am so so sorry and gave him a kiss on the lips. People started arriving then, but no abundances or anything yet. At this point im rolling on the ground screaming because I can’t do anything but watch my baby die. A nice lady stopped on the side of the road I don’t know why but I thought she was a medical professional. She stopped me and tried to get me away. Otherwise someone would’ve had to drag me away from him and I knew I had a daughter to live for. I was still in denial that he was “dead” and I was frantically searching for anyone asking everyone to go get him out. That’s all I wanted. I was freaking out about him just limped over probably dead or dying. Either way my life was flashing before my eyes in every way. I knew my life and others was about to change forever. He was the best father a father could be. He had so many places he wanted her to see and things he wanted to teach her. He was an amazing Fiancé. My soulmate. We had our up’s and downs as every relationship does, but that’s the beauty of it. You love someone for their ugly and their beautiful. And trust me Jaidyn was and is a beautiful, kind soul. A restless, but man that heart and soul of his was like no other. Never wanted to waste a minute being bored and I admire that about him. And im glad we got to do so many things in a short period, but so angry our family will never recover from this tragedy. And loss. He was a grandson to two of the most loving grandparents I’ve met.  His “mamaw” was his second mom. He was a son to a beautiful, and strong mom. And the grandson to an outstanding grandpa, “papaw”. and Vietnam veteran. He looked up to his papaw so much. And took after him in so many beautiful ways. Our life was nearly picture perfect. A man of nature, Jaidyn was. He was a courageous soul not afraid to speak his truth. I could write an entire book about him. But that isn’t the point of this. The point is our entire family is upside down and hurt in ways nobody could comprehend. There are things I wanna say but I feel I can’t. As of now any donations and every donation that has been sent is so very appreciated and will help us on this nightmare of a journey to get justice for Jaidyn and rebuild our life back. He was my backbone and now I feel like I am a newborn baby in this world. It’s a terrible feeling. Not being able to be there for your daughter the way you want. I am having knee surgery 8/26 and will be in a brace for 6 weeks unable to walk on it without crutches. Life from here on out is gonna be so so hard and I wish I could say more but I know people don’t read as much as they used to. As well as I can’t say what I want. Im not able to sleep at night despite anything they have prescribed me. Nothing will make my brain turn off besides pure exhaustion. I just want this to be a nightmare but it’s just not. it’s made me realize so many things. so many horrid horrid things. i know this will mess with me for the rest of my life especially the ptsd. Im honestly scared there’s something more wrong with me. My brain doesn’t feel right after all of this. And I know it’s gonna take a lot of money to get me the right diagnosis amongst a million other things that this has caused. My nerves and brain feel so damaged. But im determined to be there for my daughter and get through this nightmare to give her the best life we wanted for her. This is gonna be a long journey of recovering and I just want to personally thank everyone who decides or already has donated. You are lifting so much financial weight off mine and our entire families chest. 

this was most certainly from struggling for so long to get out of the jeep over to Jaidyn.