Up a Creek Without a Poodle!

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Pura Vida!

I am still very much a puppy, born around September 2021, in the beautiful mountains of Costa Rica in the shadow of the Arenal volcano.

My mommy did the best she could with my litter, considering she had no humans to help her care for us like the spoiled brats in the USA have.

She taught us basic survival skills. My siblings and I frequently practiced fun combat skills. I miss them.

As soon as my puppy teeth got as sharp as needles, Mommy lost interest in us, and we were on our own. I think she was already pregnant again.

Somehow, I separated from my whole family and set out independently. A puppy is quite curious, you know! Also, I'm not YET neutered, so... 'ya know...I was on the prowl!

One beautiful sunny day in the foothills of the mountains, I was chasing a giant green iguana lizard just to play. I would never hurt him or any other creature. I merely want to play all the time! Everything is new to me!

Did I mention I’m just a puppy?

As I chased that varmint into the Rio Burro, and I stuck my little snout and head into a place that, in retrospect, I really wish I hadn’t. I'm not sure if it was a branch or maybe some kind of crude snare meant to trap a beaver or something. But it sure got me!

See, my head went through the loop just fine, but when I tried to reverse that move, my neck got caught on something. I panicked, and the more I tried to escape, the tighter the loop around my throat became. It was hard to breathe.
How humiliating!

WARNING: The next 3 photos display my injuries (now healed!) and are rather gross. So if you are squeamish, you might want to scroll down past them.

I couldn’t get free no matter what I did. I couldn’t even sit down, lie down, lick or scratch myself or anything. Can you even imagine?

The mosquitoes are really plentiful and hungry around there and they were eating me alive. Other animals weren't nice to me, either. And I couldn't help but notice vultures circling above. That's never good. I was totally helpless. Hungry! Terrified! Eek!

Then it got dark, and I got really scared! It was rainy season when the thunder and lightning seldom stops and was all around me. I thought it would never end. I cried and cried but nobody heard me. I tried so hard to break free that the loop around my throat cut a deep wound that really hurt.

Gruesome, isn't it? The flies loved it!

Well, this went on for 2 days and 2 nights and I was so exhausted and so scared and knew that if I didn’t get out of that creek soon I would just die the kind of death that no one wants.

But then, when I thought I had chased my last lizard, some men found me! I was so exhausted and confused that I was scared of them, too. They took the “before” pictures that you see, above! Then they freed me and picked me up and helped me. I couldn't stop trembling and crying. Sometimes when I remember it, I still do.

The kind humans fed me and gave me medicine, and then set me free again. I didn’t mind because where I'm from, most dogs like me don’t have homes and like to be semi-independent.

So I found a safe place under the outside stairs of a house. I was still a hot mess, and the fleas were so bad that they were actually in my eyes. I couldn't shake them out of my ears.
Look at what a mess I was!

One night, some gringo woke me up when he came home and unlocked the door above my hideout.

He was startled and took one look at me and knew he had to help if he could. He thought I had lost a terrible fight. But I just ran...with nowhere to go. It was rainy season and I didn't have any other shelter or even an umbrella.

I returned to my lair, and the next day this Yanqui enticed me with bologna...mortadella as it's called in CR. Can you believe I had never had bologna before? Now I love it!

To be honest, it was obvious to my new human that I had never been fed before. I just lived off garbage.

Obviously, I couldn't see how awful I looked, but my new human somehow tricked me into a shower and cleaned me up. I hated it and it was scary, but I finally gave in after a chase, and I didn't even growl or snap at him. He gave me a flea pill, too, and I must admit, that thing really worked fast and gave me a lot of relief
Well, the gringo clearly was an easy mark and, let’s face it, I really didn’t have any better options. So I sucked it up and pretended I liked him and gradually began trusting him and even let him touch me as long as there was food involved.

"Jeez, human! Ever hear of a pedicure?"
"It's amazing what regular care, daily feeding, and a little love can do for one's coat!"
"What gash? I can't see no stinkin' gash! I'm a fast healer!'
"Gotcha gringo sucker!"

Well, I have come to kind of like this human now. He has flown me back to the USA. I had to ride in a jail for 12 hours with no food, water, or bathrooms, in the belly of a jet to New York City. I thought the human had abandoned me, but I cried and whined like crazy when he opened that cage at JFK Airport. The entire experience totally freaked me out.

But then the dumb gringo had no way to get us to Brooklyn Heights, where we are staying now. It was late at night, and no cabs or other transportation were available. Finally, my human had no choice but to hire an illegal ride to the tune of $75 cash! I sure am costing him a lot of money that he doesn't have. But I'm worth it!
Rio Takes Manhattan! (or at last Brooklyn Heights)

UPDATE: On Wednesday, November 2nd 2022, we rent a car and drive to Nevada where he begins a new job. That chump has already sunk about $500 he doesn’t have on vaccines and a microchip, (against my will!!) a plane ticket for me, etc!!

He thinks I don’t know this because he is under the misapprehension that I don't understand English! But I know this dude is presently flat broke!

Anyhow, he needs about 500 bucks to make this happen. Now, I don’t care so much for myself. I come from a long line of short-lived Costa Rican street mutts and I’d be fine chasing trucks on the highway and impregnating bitches like the stud I am.

And that's another thing! He plans to neuter me! Like that's 'gonna happen!

Confidentially, I can’t help feeling sorry for this pathetic lonely, broke needy human who can’t complete his mission because he can barely afford the gas money. Do you think I have any desire to ride 40 hours in a car with him? I'm still kind of afraid of that!

i trust his poor but kind-hearted chap more and more each day. But he got me into this mess. Can you please help get me out of it?

Thank for helping us and sharing my story on your social media!

Doggedly yours,

Rio, Rey del Reno!

Donations (10)

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  • David Alpern
    • $50 
    • 11 mos
  • Jackie O'Brien
    • $10 
    • 11 mos
  • Marylou DiFilippo
    • $25 
    • 11 mos
  • Irene Trudel
    • $50 
    • 1 yr
  • Christian Virgolici
    • $30 
    • 1 yr
See all


Marc Garber
Brooklyn, NY

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