Recovery

Hello everyone,

My name is Jake Meredith.

I am 26 years old, and am living and working as a part time server on Cape Cod. I grew up here and have lived here for the majority of my life. I cannot complain whatsoever about my childhood on the Cape. Growing up with the ocean, the National Seashore, Nickerson State Park, more water than I could ever ask for, etc, was truly a beautiful place to grow up.

However, as we all learn to know with light comes the dark, with ups come the downs, and with pleasure comes the pain. That is where my story truly begins. When I was 18 years old, I developed anxiety, depression, and PTSD from events that took place during my adolescence. I had begun to feel the affliction of my parents’ divorce,  the death of my heroes and friends, and the loneliness that I felt.

I began running track and field when I turned 13 as a way to numb my pain. I suppose that for the five years to follow I simply forgot how much I was hurting. By the time that I turned 18, I had excelled to Captain of the team and looked toward college in a Division 1 school.   I was accepted to Providence College and was able to join their prestigious cross country and track and field teams.

That is when my eating disorder developed.

I had attempted suicide twice by that point, but the eating disorder was a different kind of “attempt.” It took hold of everything I knew and cared about and it slowly destroyed each and every piece of my life. I lost family. I lost partners. I lost myself. I lost it all, but at the same time, I loved the physical pain that my eating disorder was providing. I wanted it to kill me. But, after 7 years of slowly dwindling away and losing everything, I found myself on my death bed, literally.

That was the moment I chose to live!

I spent 5 months in eating disorder treatment, and honestly, it saved my life. I was able to gain 70 pounds of health! Trust me though, it was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. But, I am breathing and I am able to tell my eating disorder to stay quiet. Even so, the damage that it has dealt me in my life is incredibly hard to repair, especially during these tough times. If anyone has ever played the game, Monopoly, entering recovery is somewhat like passing go and not collecting $200, losing all of your property, and then having to pay taxes all at once. This seems to be the position that I am in.

I have friends and I have family and I have a wonderful support system, but I am here asking for your help. I have nothing to my name and am simply accruing debt each day just to be able to follow my newly established “meal plan.” I am doing everything in my power to continue my recovery and enter a rebirthing process in my life, but each day is just getting harder.

But please don’t get me wrong! I have made accomplishments in my life. I graduated Summa Cum Laude from the university I attended, I achieved track goals that I never thought possible, and I’ve even managed restaurants. But, during all those accomplishments, I was accompanied by my eating disorder. That only makes the eating disorder stronger because it feeds on accomplishment. It latches on even tighter because it makes you think you can still go through life while having the eating disorder by your side. But in reality, as you’re going through life’s obstacles and achieving your goals, the eating disorder is sapping you of everything you hold dear. You end up making excuses and only feeling the world’s greatest heartaches. Even if you have a wonderful support system, that still isn’t enough to quiet the demon haunting you. Sometimes it’s too late to heal, but sometimes at the brink of death, the perfect time for healing arrives. 

For those reasons, I want to get my masters in therapy, specializing in eating disorders.  I want to help people who are just like me, people who have no support, and people who don’t know who or where to turn to.  I want to be there for them, give them faith in themselves, hope and a rebirth. I believe my experiences, my compassion and love can help many.

I ask you, please, a little help will go a long way. Help me, so I may help others with this mental illness and devastating disease. 

All the love in the world to you all! Stay strong, stay healthy, and stay happy during these hard times. Thank you. 

Warmly,
Jake Meredith