Nobody should lose a child; and nobody should ever lose someone to suicide. Yet, that is where those of us who love Tyler Devin Isbell find ourselves right now. One thing that has kept us afloat these last few days is the love and kindness of so many of our friends and family. So many of you have expressed the desire to help financially and, sorry, but we just can’t remember right now who said that. We can’t remember anything before 5am, April 12th.  So we set this Gofundme up because money is not a practical reality for us right now. Nothing could matter less. But we recognize that not everyone can be with us in this dark pit of despair. And that’s ok. We totally understand. Some of you can only offer food, condolences, or prayers, or thoughts, or silence, or money. And all of it is welcome. Nobody deals with this kind of stuff the same way, and it’s ok. Really. We know that we are loved, and that Tyler was loved, and that’s enough. It’s the only thing does matter to us right now.

However, those of you who still have your wits about you for things like remembering to breathe, eat, and sleep, and to do adult things like brush teeth and pay the bills we thank you for being willing to walk alongside of us to do these things. We want you to know that, if you chose to give any amount, from the heart, we accept that with gratitude. We also want you to know that we want to make sure that any amount that we receive in excess of our expenses will be donated to a charity that will help others who need a lifeline in a time of need. Also, it’s entirely ok if you want to donate in his name to something that matters to you. Please tell us about that, if you want to, we’d love to hear that his name has been used to help someone else.

For those of you who have never met Tyler we want to take a minute to tell you about him. Honestly, we don’t even care if you choose to give to this Gofundme. It’s more important that you just know who he is. Because he is amazing. And you missed out on getting to see him while he was still breathing, and eating, and other things that people do in somewhat normal circumstances. So here is our attempt to give you a glimpse, and to honor his life.

Tyler was born in Lansing, MI. on 03/04/94. It is true that his parents, Dave and Stacia, were pretty young and had no idea what they were doing. However, from the minute he was born, they were enamored with him. Everyone was enamored with him. He was just the most charming, beautiful, baby. And he never lost that charm. He could charm the pants off a snake, with just one smile and a glimmer in his beautiful blue eyes. Man, he was just so adorable and so gorgeous! But he was also always a multi-layered, complex person.

As a baby, Tyler learned to crawl when he had a toy set out just beyond his grasp. He was really angry that he couldn’t reach it, so he used his legs and arms to pull himself across the floor to get the toy. In satisfaction, he stopped crying and was perfectly happy. Similarly, he learned to walk by pulling himself up to a coffee table, circling around it, and then when he wanted something out of his reach, it didn’t matter how many times he had fallen flat on his face he would fight to get to that object step by step. Black eyes were a common occurrence for him, but he didn’t seem to mind. In fact, he was always the most determined, strong-willed, and fiercely independent person.

As he grew older, Tyler became more of a daredevil. If there was something to climb, he was climbing it. If anything could be jumped on or over, he was there. And he had all the broken bones, bruises, and scars to prove that he had successfully conquered whatever his body, bike, or skateboard could leap from or onto. He spent his childhood in band-aids, casts, and hospital visits. And he was proud of it! But it wasn’t just the thrill of the activity for him. He had such a drive to push himself toward perfection, achieving the unachievable, to have an adventure, to continue learning and trying new things. He really strove to be the best at everything, and when he wasn’t he would let that competitive spirit drive him onward until he lost interest and switched to the next thing. Always looking for the next adventure. 

When he took up gaming, his need to be the best often drove him. If anyone beat him at a game, he would be infuriated. Yet, his next move would be to spend endless hours of practice until he mastered the game. In every possible circumstance that he could, he would then become the actual master of the game. He loved strategy games like Chess and Risk. His favorite game was consistently Magic the Gathering. He spent hours and hours researching cards, building new decks. Using his charm to trade up to get the cards he wanted so that he could beat the same people who traded him those cards. However, in any game, his rules were the official rules that could not be contested. So many Monopoly games ended in fiery contests of will, where he actually managed to convince the other players who were reading from the instructions, that his way was the actual way! And if you played Halo with him. Forget it. He didn’t have to beat you. He just waited for you to fall in the traps he had built and then would be chuckling the entire time while you cursed the game itself!

From a very early age Tyler’s curiosity, creativity, and resourcefulness would lead him to tearing so many things apart just so he could understand how it worked before he put it back together. Sometimes that object would not come back in its original form. There are endless stories about his creations. Like, for example the time he built a tape dispenser out of Legos but it also worked as weapon of accidental harm. He knew how to use it just right, but if others tried to, it just didn’t quite work the same way and someone was going to need a Band-aid. And if he could send something down a Rube Goldberg that he had constructed, he would do it! Tyler was always so clever and also mischievous.

April Fool’s Day was Tyler’s most sacred holiday. Nobody was safe on that day from some kind of prank. He pulled pranks on every day that he could, but April Fool’s Day, he was relentless! There are so many stories around his pranking that it just doesn’t seem right to include one here. Just know, that if a whoopee cushion could be used, or water could be sprayed, it would happen. And a main rule on April Fool’s Day was to always double check the toilet before using it! He just loved to laugh, especially if the joke was s at other people’s expense. Never because he wanted to harm someone, but always because laughing is how he showed he loved you, and he always knew that if you didn’t laugh then, he would laugh with you later about it.

As he grew into adulthood, Tyler maintained his love for his friends. He was the person who loved singing, and loved music, and when he sang it didn’t matter if he was off key, it was joyful, and people couldn’t help but join in to sing along. Even if he had to tackle you to the ground and tickle you to get you to sing. He had so many friends! He was a person who took deep interest in learning as much as he could about another person when he met them. Although he would never admit this because he hated seeming sensitive, “weak,” or loving, everyone who knew him knew that he listened to them, cared about them, and inevitably found out what made them laugh. Then if he really loved them, he went to work on their funny bone. He often connected with people around gaming, but also with more physical games like paintball or airsoft. He was the guy who crawl through poison ivy just to set up his next targets, and inevitably, he would convince his teammates to do the same thing. Somehow, they would all be laughing about it later, even if they all had to be lathered up in calamine lotion. He could get his friends to do anything. When he learned about the Cinnamon challenge, he somehow convinced his friends to do it four times for every time he demonstrated. And they loved him for it! He just had that playful, loving, fun spirit that people wanted to be around.

Even though Tyler was fun-loving, playful, and joyful it wasn’t always fun and games for him. Those of us who know him the best knew that he often felt so alone, misunderstood, vulnerable. And he always had the hardest time expressing vulnerability, or sensitivity. We all knew that he was so sensitive, and even sentimental, but he hated it when anyone would be that way with him, and he hated to show that side of himself to anyone else. It was just so uncomfortable for him. He was always a sensitive soul who felt every pain from everyone around him. He used laughter as his best medicine. And when that didn’t work, he would often begin to ponder the idea that everything is meaningless, and he would die anyway. Often, he could reach out for help, and those who loved him were there for him. Until he couldn’t bring himself to reach out. And here we all are now, trying to figure out how to keep on without him.

All of us who love Tyler are stuck right now in the darkness of death. And we can’t see past just getting through the next minute. We take comfort from knowing that Tyler was an organ donor, and that on the worst day of our lives, someone else was in a dark moment, and Tyler saved them. But we are also finding comfort, strength, and hope from each other and from each of you who have expressed so much support and love for us. Together, we’ll get to the other side of this, someday. Thank you.

If you are ever feeling the bottomless pit of despair, please reach out to someone. Anyone. Your life has value, even if you cannot see it right now. Please let someone else sit with you in that darkness and love you. 

If you can’t find someone to talk to, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at: 1-800-273-8255, Or call The Listening Ear: [phone redacted]

Here are the charities that we have discussed supporting with any excess donations from this fund:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

The Listening Ear Crisis Line: http://theear.org/

The Take This Foundation: https://www.takethis.org/

Gift of Life, Michigan: https://www.giftoflifemichigan.org/

Ele’s Place: https://www.elesplace.org/