Tyler and I got married on a gorgeous day in May 2012. We moved to Chico, California, at the end of that year, excited to begin our married life together. We both have parents and family in Northern California. We wanted to be closer to loved ones, as we were planning on growing our family soon. A little over a year later we started trying to get pregnant. I had just turned thirty and we were more than ready. It only took us a few months and we could not have been happier. The days passed slowly as we awaited our exciting first prenatal appointment. We threw caution to the wind and told our family and close friends. What was the harm in sharing our joy? 

The day of our appointment finally arrived. We were told there was no heartbeat and our baby had not grown past five weeks. We were devastated. It was unbearable to lose our first baby. We were strong and we recovered, ready to try again. Once again, it only took us a few months to get pregnant. Only this time, I had an ectopic pregnancy. After weeks of blood tests, I had surgery to remove the embryo from my fallopian tube. We were determined to have a baby. How many times could this possibly happen to us? The short answer is five. I had another ectopic pregnancy. This time I received a shot of Methotrexate. Methotrexate is a low dose of chemotherapy that causes new tissue, in our case an embryo, to disintegrate. The shot seemed to work, my pregnancy hormone levels were going down. Somehow, the embryo started to grow again and I needed another surgery. This time I lost my left fallopian tube.

It’s amazing to me that we have continued to keep so much hope alive. We have always felt the calling to be parents. We took some time and healed both emotionally and physically. We got pregnant for the fourth time. I had another heartbreaking miscarriage. We finally decided that we needed help. Our hearts had been broken too many times. 

We excitedly met with our doctor at the fertility clinic. She seemed so hopeful that we would be able to get pregnant and carry a baby to term with their assistance. Our preliminary testing revealed nothing wrong with either of us. The eggs were there and the sperm was healthy. I had a high level of prolactin but it was easily corrected with medication.The initial tests and doctors appointments alone cost us a few thousand dollars. Our insurance does not cover infertility treatments of any kind. We ended up doing three rounds of fertility drugs. We did not get pregnant.  We were frustrated and saddened by everything we had been through so far. The influx of hormones in my body had wreaked havoc on my home and work life. I was an emotional wreck, and I never knew when the water works were coming. I had to completely withdraw from social media, all I would see were the pregnancy announcements and baby pictures. I was constantly wracking my brain to figure out why everyone else deserved to be parents and we didn’t. What had we done wrong? We took yet another break from trying to conceive.

In November of 2018 we got pregnant for the fifth time. My hormone levels were higher and stronger than they ever had been. I thought it was finally our turn to have a baby. My excitement was short lived. I had an ectopic pregnancy in my only remaining fallopian tube. I received another Methotrexate shot. My fallopian tube has sustained too much damage and our doctor has recommended IVF as the most viable option for us to have a full term pregnancy. We never thought we would be looking into In Vitro Fertilization, but here we are. We have lost five pregnancies in five and a half years. IVF may be our only hope to have the baby we so desperately want.

Tyler works with adults with disabilities. He loves his job and is amazing at what he does. Unfortunately, he makes fifty cents over minimum wage. I work in the service industry and make minimum wage plus tips myself. We have spent all of our savings on medical expenses. The financial cost of IVF is prohibitive to us, but we genuinely believe it offers us the best chance to have our family. The total cost of IVF is 20,000 dollars. We would immensely appreciate any help we might receive.

Tyler and I were meant to be parents. We have been imagining kids in our backseat since we first started dating. We have a loving and stable home to raise our child in. Some days I can’t believe that we have survived this much pain and heartbreak. Other days, I feel superhuman for being strong enough to keep trying to achieve our dream of having a family. It has been painful putting our story on paper. It’s hard to know if I’m even doing it justice. It is impossible to put into words the pain that we continue to live with every day. Despite all of our losses, we continue to put one foot in front of the other. We will do whatever it takes to finally hold our baby.