One year ago my sister and I were sitting at Cross Keys diner on the year anniversary of my fathers passing sharing a plate of chicken tenders talking about all that had happened the first year without him. During conversation she mentioned she had a lump in her left breast and at the time she was breastfeeding so we easily assumed it was a trivial clogged milk duct. How could we possibly imagine that a year after my father died, she would be developing breast cancer.

As she continued to breastfeed, problems with her left breast persisted. She went to her OBGYN who reassured her it was a clogged duct, despite a prominent family history of breast cancer and a father with the BRCA1 gene. As time passed on, she began experiencing increased fatigue accompanied by cognitive difficulties so doctor ordered a head CT. It was negative and she brushed off the symptoms as a result of having 3 children to care for.

Most recently, after experiencing additional symptoms over the past couple of months, she made an appointment with a different doctor who again reassured her it was most likely a clogged milk duct, but wanted to run more test just to be sure - given our family history.

I received a call from her a week ago telling me the doctors unofficially diagnosed her with breast cancer based on her ultrasound and mammogram. Although shocked, I felt positive that everything would be ok. It pained me that we would wait until Monday for a biopsy to confirm, but I felt confident a mastectomy would be all she needed, and a small price to pay for everything to be ok.

Her biopsy came - the mass, secondary nodule, and lymph node all came back positive for malignancy. HER2+, +++ (Triple-positive), with the mass at about 5 cm. They placed her from Stage II, to Stage III. The treatment regimens were given; chemotherapy for 18 weeks, radiation, mastectomy and then hysterectomy. Despite receiving results we didn’t want, things were looking positive, during a very negative situation. We were ready to fight a fight that would ultimately give her a normal healthy long life to live.

As always, more follow up scans were scheduled and Friday she was called into the Oncologist office to discuss the results. They confirmed the cancer has metastasized to her bones, changing her previous diagnosis of Stage lll to Stage lV. This drastically changes her prognosis as there is no treatment or cure for breast cancer that has metastasized outside of the breast and lymph nodes, only medication to hopefully slow the spread. To put it simply, she is on borrowed time. We know that she will be given more years than a similar diagnosis 10-15 years ago, but not the time we want and the time she deserves. The inevitable stays the same.

It’s not fair. And I can’t accept that this is her story. I can’t accept that she is on borrowed time. I have to believe that in the time ahead, new treatments and advancements in medicine will change this outlook. Or that just a miracle will. But for now, we are preparing to walk this journey, hand in hand with her, as she literally fights for her life.

More than anything, we are asking for prayers. Prayers that the additional  imagining to be done this week shows no more spread elsewhere in the body. And prayers for strength for her and her family.

Her treatment will not be easy, and she will no longer be able to work. At the same time, the effects of COVID have left Chris displaced from his long time job. This will undoubtedly be a financial burden and added stress during an already unimaginable time. So if there is anyway you can give to her and her family during this time, words wouldn’t be enough to thank you. While not always monetary, I know wholeheartedly Trisha has without a second thought, given so much to so many.

And if nothing else, please be proactive. Look into your family history. Educate yourself.  I knew we had a family history, but I didn’t know the risk could happen so young. I thought we had more time to get testing. I thought we would get to it when our lives slowed down. But now she is robbed of time. No one thinks they will be diagnosed with cancer at the age of 31. No one thinks the pain in their neck is cancer invading their bones.

About 1 in 8 U.S. women (about 12%) will develop invasive breast cancer over the course of her lifetime. Women with the BRCA1 gene are 85% more likely to become a statistic related to breast, uterine, or ovarian cancer. A parent with the gene has a 50% chance of passing it onto a child. I sit here typing this thinking of our baby girls. So young and full of life and I can’t help but wonder if they carry the gene. But I do know that they won’t find out too late, because we know better now. And I hope after reading this, you do too.