Trauma Survivor and Devoted Father Needs Help

Hi, my name is Ben. I was once able to go from having absolutely nothing, to being financially independent. After surviving a lifetime of sexual physical and psychological abuse alongside decades of medical, abandonment and betrayal trauma.. I always did everything I could to help the people in my life in need. I wanted to be the person for them that I had always wished and prayed for in my times of need. I also wanted to make sure my children never endured the tragedies of my childhood. I never learned how to cope with my unprocessed trauma and lost myself in addiction, isolation, and treatment resistant depression. My job relies on creativity, which slowly disappeared. Along with my hope. On March 15, 2021 my world was shattered when I discovered my wife in bed with my closest friend one room over from where my children slept. I took it as an excruciating wake up call. Since that time I have moved out, filed for divorce and immediately began the work of finally addressing the nightmares I had been running from all my life. In 2 weeks it will have been a year without any drugs in my body. I have spent 5 months in residential trauma recovery, finding healing and finding who I am without the shadow of the shame, guilt, sadness and anger draped over me. I’ve been planning for my return to life and finalizing the custody agreement. Moving back to the state where I can work and thrive and provide the best possible life I can for my children. Building my support network of caring and safe people to populate a community I can be a giving and productive member of. This is my chance to restart my life and be the father and the human I was meant to be. Only I earn a living through royalties which only pay twice a year. And the payment in April that I’ve depended on for years to make it through the following six months isn’t coming until October and no one can actually explain to me why or do anything to rectify it. I’ve never had to ask for help from anyone my entire life. Mostly because there was no one to ask. But I will do anything to give my children their father back and healthier and more capable than they’ve known me in their lifetime. This money was crucial for the following:

continuing recovery care and support to put the life reboot plan in to action

moving my ex and the kids because the house we were renting was sold.

paying child support and all their bills. Showing up for the final custody court dates actually able to show they have a safe and stable environment when they are with me and not a dead beat dad who can’t even afford a single month of bills

Paying overdue medical expenses

Moving costs to return to where I can thrive in my profession.

paying the bills and living expenses for myself and being available to go to interviews and begin work as soon as possible.

travel to see my kids every month

Doing all this and maintaining it until October when my regular payments will resume and I can get on my feet and stable without massive disruption to my recovery process or my children’s stability. Somehow it all comes down to this one moment to either thrive or epically let myself and my children down. Their names are Lochlan and Dexter and they are all that matters. If this disaster isn’t avoided, I fear I will lose them. I will do anything to stop that from happening. I am asking for help. I am grateful for anyone who has even read this far for consideration. I’m hanging by a thread. Thank you so much and God bless you!