Hi! My name is Lillie Campos and I am a 45-year-old transgender woman who desperately is asking for help to reach my goal of having gender affirming surgeries.  My story really started to unfold 4 years ago as I began to question my gender and who I really was. I was fortunate enough to find a therapist who is a specialist in the transgender and gender nonconforming areas, and she knew what questions to ask to help me crack my egg. I remember the day as both the best day of my life and the worst day of my life all rolled into one. You see, I knew how hard life was for the transgender community and living in the Southern U.S. I knew that I was already putting my safety in danger. Add the fact that I am a parent to 4 amazing kids, and I was worried about what this would do to them. Would my family disown me? Would I lose my job? Would I ever even be able to afford surgery? How would all this work?

Over the course of that 1st year of questioning myself and soul searching I came up with every conceivable reason not to be trans. I was too old, I wouldn't pass, and again, most importantly, what would this do to my children. I started taking Hormone Replacement Therapy and I actually hoped that it would make me not be trans, like maybe it wouldn't work and then I would know; I was a man. But the opposite happened, and the sense of self-awareness came over me. It was like all the background noise of life went away and I was finally in tune with my body. I liken it to trying to write with your non dominate hand and how that doesn't just feel right, it doesn't work. And then, switching to my dominate hand how everything feels right. That’s what Hormone Replacement Therapy did for me. Everything just FELT right!

And that brought on the anxiety of how my kids would react and if my relationship would work out or not. Sadly, my relationship with their mother ended but we have been able to co parent fairly well without much animosity from either side. My oldest took it in stride, or at least he appeared to. The younger 3 that were still at home struggled a bit. Especially my daughter. For close to over a year our relationship struggled as she was becoming a tween and figuring herself out, she had a dad that was transitioning to a woman. It was bad for a long time and I feared that I had lost her forever. Then over the last almost year, something switched, and we became close again. Closer than we've ever been.

She has become my little emotional support human and a big advocate for trans rights in the last year. She has been good about correcting people when they misgender me, even when I can't do it for myself. She has held me when I cried because my body feels foreign to me or when I've had to be in toxic work environments. Her and her friends are my little fan club and I couldn't be luckier in that regard.

It hasn't been all good though. As I've battled with depression and genital dysphoria it's led me down some dark paths in my head space. Having suicidal ideations because when I get in a depressive mood, I think I am not a real woman. I've self-harmed and have cried in the bathroom many a night wishing I had the courage to cut it off myself and be done with it. I've lost a friend to suicide just over a year ago because she couldn't handle the dysphoria and the constant misgendering and being disowned by her family. Sometimes, I'm jealous of her. More often though, I vow to fight for all the others that go through what we go through as transgender people.

As I came out at work I started getting treated differently, remember, I live in the bible belt where judgement from others is the norm. I work a decent job; it affords me the ability to take care of my 3 kids at home and keep a roof over their head. It doesn’t, however, have an inclusive health insurance policy. While the insurance company does cover gender affirming surgeries, my employer excludes that policy from our healthcare plan. And being that it is a self-funded healthcare plan, it’s perfectly legal for them to deliberately exclude gender affirming surgeries. I know, I've asked for the last 3 years to have the exclusions removed and have gone as far as sending a formal request to our corporate office to remove the exclusions. The answer is always no. Add in the cost of hormones and injection supplies plus the cost of Doctor visits and therapy visits while trying to pay for electrolysis which isn't covered  by insurance either and I'm barely floating above water sometimes.

I've debated with myself over the last year or so about starting a fundraising campaign, but I always thought to myself why would anyone want to help me? I've always had troubles asking for help, my pride has prevented me from truly blossoming because I always had to do things on my own. I've built a pretty good support network over the last year and I have a few people I can call on when I am in a mental health crisis and for that I am thankful. I believe that if I could ever just have surgery, that I would finally be whole. My body would finally be my body after 45 years of it being wrong.

That support system I mentioned includes an amazing LGBTQ community center that has been growing for the last year that I am so lucky to be a part of as the Health and Wellness Coordinator. I get to meet a lot of nice people and help facilitate our transgender peer support group. I'm also lucky enough to help provide Safe Zone Training through our community center and it's an amazing feeling getting to be out there advocating and educating others on the LGBTQ community. I hope to turn that into a career one day, helping bring mental health awareness and suicide prevention more into a priority for the community. I tend to focus a lot of my efforts on helping others because if I'm too busy to stop and breathe, I'm too busy to get lost in my own dysphoria.

After my last mental health crisis, a couple of my community members, my support system discussed doing this for me. Starting this fundraiser and I really want to believe that it could work, and I'm really scared of what would happen to my mental health if it fails. That has always been one of my arguments against doing something like this. That and I could just never bring myself to ask for help from others. But I realized through my support system this last time that sometimes its ok to ask others for help and that all I can do is try. Because if I don't try? Then I'll be left with wondering,  what if. And no one wants to think about what could have been.

So, here it is, the hard part where I have to ask complete strangers for help in raising my $40,000 goal. So, I humbly ask you kind people of the world, could you help a girl finally feel at home in her body? The funds would be broken down into the following:
$23,390.00 for the vaginoplasty
$9,390.00 for breast augmentation
The remaining $7,220.00 if reached would go towards post-operative supplies, travel and accommodation expenses and to help offset the loss of income while recovering for the 6 to 8 weeks recommended.

Please, I would be so grateful for any help anyone could provide. I know that this would change my life in so many ways. It would help give me confidence knowing that finally I have the body I was always meant to have which in turn would be so very beneficial to my mental health. And as my mental health improved post-surgery, I just know that it will show through to my children. It's so overwhelming to think about the costs for surgery and it's depressing to think that I may never have my body be complete. I don't want to die in the wrong body.

Please donate if you can, if you can't make, share this as much as you can and help finally be complete. Anything extra if I am able to reach my goal will go into my local LGBTQ community center to help fund our educational programs.