Casper’s top surgery

Ello, my name is Casper. I’m a transgender guy from Cardiff. This fundraiser is a long time coming but I’m only now feeling comfortable in asking for support funds.

I came out as transgender around 8 years ago, although my gender identity had been pretty obvious throughout my childhood. Coming out wasn’t exactly the shock of the century to those around me.

Since I was young, gender and body dysphoria has never been a stranger to me, particularly dysphoria concerning my chest. It has caused me to feel suicidal and proceeded towards the depression which I have experienced since I was very young. It is due to my body that I have always felt as though nomatter what I do, or say, I will never truly be perceived as who I am and I can’t relate to the body I see.

My original plan was to try to get on the waiting list for testosterone as soon as I could and then go the conventional route of starting hormones under the nhs and then eventually going on to have surgery. That plan has however been stunted since being repeatedly met with transphobic nhs staff who were reluctant to refer me to the GIC (where I would regardless have to potentially wait 3 years for an appointment after referral) because of their flawed idea of what a trans person looks like (my newfound confidence to appear androgynously giving them an invitation to dismiss my gender identity or insult me on it) subsequently putting me through bi-weekly meetings with a TERF nurse at the time who would have me crying in her office while she humiliated my transness - my mother eventually complained about this to the hospital and I was removed from these sessions.

The route of going on hormones and then having access to surgery that the nhs offer is also no longer a feasible option for me since I have started a career in music as a vocalist and so for the time being I must preserve my vocal chords (which would be affected by testosterone). The decision not to go on testosterone as of yet has been a very hard one to make and is a decision I wish I didn’t have to make. It’s something that depresses me greatly. And also restricts my access to any other gender dysphoria relieving treatment via the NHS further.

In order to access top surgery, which is my priority in dysphoria relieving surgery and treatment, I must therefore go private. I have bound my chest every single day for years, often binding with binders which are too small for my chest since I cannot bare my chest not being flat, and wearing them for well over the safe time to wear them for. With my only income coming from universal credit and part time work which only provides enough to just about cover bills, rent and basic living costs (and also having a low income family who in no way have this amount of money to spare), i have no savings and my only option to be able to afford the fees of getting this gender affirming surgery would be through mutual community aid which is why I have made this fundraiser. I understand this is a hard financial time for all of us, and so there is no pressure to put forward if you cannot afford to, but if you have anything to give it would be going towards something that would be completely life changing for me.

The fundraiser goal will hopefully cover most of the costs for the consultancy, tests, surgery, post op appointments, recovery time, anaesthetics, travel and stay costs, etc. there is also a potential added cost of needing a medical advocate to help me advocate my needs due to my autism diagnosis. Ultimately, this surgery comes with a mass of costs which I could not possibly reach alone.

I am ready to live in a body which feels like mine, and with these funds that may finally become possible.